OH has confiscated my cards

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

RoxieW wrote: »

I don't like people goading him into an online arguement. This is for your own amusement. It wont help me apart from to make him mad like it already has.

It's not our fault he's displaying signs of being an abusive partner, Roxie. It's not your fault either, whatever he says, that people who have cared enough about a complete stranger to try and offer advice - ie, talk/get the hell out/call his bluff or to speak to him directly (as he is such a confrontational person, he should be a big enough boy to cope with it, after all) - has angered him even more.

If he gets cross because a bunch of disjointed postings on an internet forum can get him 'mad', he certainly needs some form of psychiatric intervention. And you need a new address.

bestpud

RoxieW wrote: »

I didn't know he would read it. He never goes on this site or shows any interest in it,

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of. I felt backed into a corner and aired it on here as there isn't really anyone else for me to talk to.

I don't like people goading him into an online arguement. This is for your own amusement. It wont help me apart from to make him mad like it already has.

Thanks everyone who's offered support and advice when I needed it.

RoxieW wrote: »

And am not dragging anyone into anything. It's your choice to post. I cam on here because I had already tried and not got anywhere with him and needed somewhere to air my frustrations.

I have offered advice and support - I didn't realise some advice was out of bounds.

I don't see anything amusing about the posts goading your OH tbh.

Would your friend not accept you going to her house for a catch up? My friend and I can sit for hours nattering over a cup of macdonalds coffee, or one from a garage - we've sat in the car a few times and caught up.

It's about the company, not what you do imo. I don't understand why you can't arrange something that doesn't cost money.

Person_one

RoxieW wrote: »

I didn't know he would read it. He never goes on this site or shows any interest in it,

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of. I felt backed into a corner and aired it on here as there isn't really anyone else for me to talk to.

I don't like people goading him into an online arguement. This is for your own amusement. It wont help me apart from to make him mad like it already has.

Thanks everyone who's offered support and advice when I needed it.

I can't stress enough that I think the info in my posts 37 and 97 is important.

Don't feel you have to update with whether you agree or not, just have another look at them.

I really hope the situation gets better for you, and soon. x

thorsoak

Roxie - I'm sorry that you think that anyone is getting any amusement out of this - I do hope that you and your OH manage to sort things out.

You are in a difficult situation, and I do hope that you both can resolve what I can see has the potential to destroy your marriage. How you both deal with the current situation is crucial. I wish you both well - but I STILL think you need to have your own account.

gratefulforhelp_2

RoxieW wrote: »

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of. I felt backed into a corner and aired it on here as there isn't really anyone else for me to talk to.

He said what???

shelley_crow

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

He said what???

Just what I was thinking, the alarm bells were going off before but the klaxons are going now.

Once again, you're not a child or a chattel who needs to ask his permission to go out. It's not his place to refuse or grant you his "permission" to go out. Who the f*!$ does he think he is exactly? More to the point, what century does he think he is living in?

thorsoak

I do hope that the two of you are able to talk this through : I've been married for 47 years, and I know that it's not always a bed of roses - do come back and let us know how things are with you both.

tiff

Is it possible to reason with someone like this?

PolishBigSpender

RoxieW wrote: »

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of.

I can't even start to imagine how this must feel. I also don't know why you're putting up with it. He's treating you like a doormat, like his possession!
If my partner told me that I can't go out, I'd laugh in his face, go out and slam the door on him!
Was your husband always like this? He must be really insecure if he needs to resort to such methods!

Money_maker

RoxieW wrote: »

I didn't know he would read it. He never goes on this site or shows any interest in it,

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of. I felt backed into a corner and aired it on here as there isn't really anyone else for me to talk to.

I don't like people goading him into an online arguement. This is for your own amusement. It wont help me apart from to make him mad like it already has.

Thanks everyone who's offered support and advice when I needed it.

I get no pleasure from your dilemma, actually I'm gobsmacked that

You are both unable to sit down and talk like adults.

You are told that you cannot go out (would it make any difference if no money was spent?).

You are denied access to your bank account and monies earned by you (however small).

You have not already set up an alternative account in your own name only.

You are being threatened with withdrawal of funds to feed/clothe your family if you do not succumb to his wishes.

You have spent £250 on clothes in a short space of time for yourself - ever heard of charity shops?

All facts based on your previous posts.

On the basis of your spending, your partner could easily justify a £200 week cap. He could be in order by giving you the cash and asking you to keep a daily diary of where every penny has gone. You would be entirely entitled to ask him to do likewise. This is called working together to rein in excessive spending from both parties.

But your posts insinuate that he changes the goalposts at will and threatens you with withdrawal of financial support.

If this is the case, what on earth are you doing wasting your life on this piece of work?