OH has confiscated my cards

VK-2008

i would stand up on your own two feet and have a set of bank accounts where you can use money. you are not a child and do not need to be treated this way, as you have said previously you both overspent, not just you!!!!

you are in a realtionship a marriage thats two people
you do not punnish each other you need to work together but if the oh is not working at helping you i would pack up and go go!!!

elisebutt65

VK-2008 wrote: »

i would stand up on your own two feet and have a set of bank accounts where you can use money. you are not a child and do not need to be treated this way, as you have said previously you both overspent, not just you!!!!

you are in a realtionship a marriage thats two people
you do not punnish each other you need to work together but if the oh is not working at helping you i would pack up and go go!!!

Actually she MUSTN'T go or she will be seen to be abandoning the marital home!
But she could pack his bags and have them waiting on the drive for him

VK-2008

yeah i like that one! send the idiot packing! you would be entitled to child support off him anyway! i would tell him to grow up or sending him packing

Tish_P

This is textbook abusive behaviour. Get out of this relationship before it turns physically violent.

RoseRed

OK, it is easy to be reactionary but I'm trying to think logically about this now.

Communicating through what is written on a public forum, fighting and recrimination are not helping either of you or your children. I think the two of you need to sit down and discuss this rationally, you need to put the past behind you and make a plan for how you are going to move forward. If you are unable to do that and he is not willing to attend couples counselling then you have to think very seriously about the future of your relationship.

I'd suggest that you have a joint account for household expenses, that money must all be accounted for, and in addition you each have your own account and you get the same amount each to spend as you wish. Him saying you've had your money for x months is not helpful. That will give you greater freedom. If you are a writer are you self employed? If so I'd recommend you get a further account to get your money paid into and your expenses to deduct from. You can then transfer money from this to the family pot once a month. Trust me if you are self employed this is the only way to go, if HMRC go through your accounts they can ask you to explain every credit for the last 6 years.

If you sell your belongings you get the money straight to your account and vice versa, if you sell things bought for the children out of the family pot it goes back into the family pot.

Another thing I think would be good for you is if you had your own car. You have 3 young children and you don't live in a big city, that must be very hard. Your household income could cover a small car, maybe a 2nd hand Ka or similar, something cheap to run and maintain. This would give you freedom and opportunity. It also means if your OH wants to drink you don't need to pay £20 for a taxi, not having to struggle with 3 children on the buses etc saves you time and energy. I also think it would be hugely beneficial for your mental health and as you have had agoraphobia it would encourage you to be out more. The mere thought of taking little ones on the bus brings me out in a cold sweat. I drive a Ka and my monthly outgoings, including petrol, insurance, tax and servicing is less than £100 a month. I think the cost is more than outweighed by the benefits to you and your family. If the costs for his car comes out of the family budget then your car costs should do the same.

I hope you can resolve the situation as a family.

Loz01

RoxieW wrote: »

He has just messaged me that he has read this thread and that hes not happy about it. Hes making out that its exaggerated - well Id like to see his tell me which bits arent true. More like the truth hurts.
Hes such a hypocrite. He guards his facebook/email etc passwords with his life but has free access to mine. Not allowed any privacy now. And he wouldnt go onto this site for any other reason then to read this.

I'm so mad on your behalf! :mad:

He's just angry because the truth hurts! As for facebook/email etc, thats just wrong - change your password immediately and dont let him have it! Your whole rship smacks of double standards - I'd be showing him the door soon, he needs to shape up or ship out. Good luck.

bestpud

I'd be very interested to hear from Roxie's OH as we must remember we only have one side of the story.

It seems we may all have been dragged into some point scoring battle!

Roxie - the adult thing to do is talk it over like rational human beings - not kick up a fuss in a thread you know will be read by your OH.

Seriously, either start talking or call it a day.

RoxieW

I didn't know he would read it. He never goes on this site or shows any interest in it,

I came on here for a sounding board and advice and support if I'm honest. I had tried to talk to him but was met with no you're not going out end of. No you're not having your cards back end of. I felt backed into a corner and aired it on here as there isn't really anyone else for me to talk to.

I don't like people goading him into an online arguement. This is for your own amusement. It wont help me apart from to make him mad like it already has.

Thanks everyone who's offered support and advice when I needed it.

RoxieW

And am not dragging anyone into anything. It's your choice to post. I cam on here because I had already tried and not got anywhere with him and needed somewhere to air my frustrations.

gadjah543

Only the two people in a partnership know what really goes on behind closed doors.It is easy to sit at a computer and assume that things are worse than they are because we only hear one side of the story. I hope things work out for you and that you are able to sit down and have a constructive conversation in the very near future.All the best.