Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

Snuggles

Soubrette wrote: »

Personally I would never go out with a smoker, I would not be insulted if someone didn't go out with me because they prefer thin people (or red haired women or tall women), there are lots of reasons I wouldn't go out with a guy, different sense of humour, a bit selfish or even a bit poncy (what is with men and hairgel?), I just don't happen to care much what someone looks like - doesn't make me any less shallow and fussy though.

I wouldn't be insulted either if someone didn't go out with me because they prefer thin people. But that's not what happened here. The OP was overweight when she met this man and he chose to pursue a relationship. The issue about wanting children is valid, but the way this man has behaved suggests to me this is not why he has suddenly ended the relationship - it seems he has barely given the OP a chance.

Snuggles

BLT wrote: »

Wow, he didn't give her much time to meet the target set :rotfl:

Exactly. Hardly the actions of someone being genuinely supportive and trying to encourage their partner to improve their health.

Loopy_Girl

Snuggles wrote: »

I don't think it is the same thing. Smoking is something you do, being overweight is something you are. If you have battled with your weight your entire life (and it is a horrible, confidence-destroying, psychological battle which affects every aspect of your life), it is very much part of who you are. If someone says they don't like your weight, it feels like they are saying they don't like you as a person, not that they simply don't like a habit you have, such as smoking. I don't know if I've expressed that very well, but as an overweight person myself, I think that's the difference.

The thing is, if this man loved the OP, he might want to support her for health reasons, but he wouldn't be telling her that overweight people weren't his "type". He would love her, no matter what she looked like. I think his subsequent behaviour has proved that his motives were more about himself and he was not simply acting out of concern for the OP.

Disagree. Being overweight is something that you do and the OP has admitted as much. You don't wake up morbidly obese one day any more than you wake up a one day with a bone fide 20 a day habit.

We all have choices in life whether it's fags, drugs or food...choose your poison and either choose not to indulge or choose to but face the consequences.

Loopy_Girl

Pixiechic wrote: »

being morbidly obese has somehow become socially acceptable. As though its 'normal' to be that way, its not.

Nail on head.

And also we are not allowed to berate fat people (such as we would smokers for disgusting habit yaka yaka) as apparantly it's not a lifestyle choice these days.

Look, he already said that she wasn't his normal type and that her 'personality' attracted him (sorry, but we all know what that means). He's gave it a bash, probably hoped that he could see past the fat as she is a nice girl but at the end of the day, if it's not there then it's not there.

He's obviously been thinking of it and, as they say, never a truer word spoken by a drunk.

So the next step is in the OP's hands....is she going to listen to her GP and get her life back on track and then her confidence will sky rocket or is she going to stay the way she is?

Hopefully the former will prevail

poppyscorner

blushred2 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for ur comments.

its his birthday today, and i've left him alone as requested.
i've returned the gifts i'd bought him

Regarding the holiday, i'd only put a small deposit down, nothing that is going to annoy me greatly to loose.

I just feel sad. The guy has a few problems of his own, and i would have liked them sorted.
Only knowing him 6 months, i would have loved a child with him, but at the back of my head was always the thought that i didn't know him well enough. didn't want to rush into things.

My life is not as i expcted it. it would have been nice to have been like everyone esle i know. married with kids by a certain age.

I wish him only the best, and even though he has shown his true colours. i still love and care for him. I'm no longer wanted!!!

But as so many have said, gotta move on, do this for my self.

Have a lovely weekend everyone, i will be trying hard to fill an aching empty void.

Hi again,

Please don't put yourself down trust me I know how difficult it is but it just carries on the cycle of comfort eating.

Its really tough but dust yourself down look in the mirror and tell yourself you don't need him you are worth more when you have no confidence I believe you need to fake it because if you tell yourself long enough how special you are you will eventually start to believe it only a little but a little confidence is all you need to start making the changes that you want.

And when you make those changes and you see and feel the difference you will start to gain more confidence naturally if that makes sense trust me you can do it and your life will change in fact your whole outlook on life will change its never too late for you.

He is a disgrace for what he said to you to break up is one thing but to say "go hang yourself" is beyond forgiving if you ask me there was simply no need I wish you all the very best hun and whatever you do do it for you

Take care xx

Youdontseeme

We all have choices in life whether it's fags, drugs or food...choose your poison and either choose not to indulge or choose to but face the consequences.

I think the difference is that if you smoke, drink or do drugs while giving up is bloody hard it it can be done but it wont kill you if you stop.

You can not give up food, it is something you have to learn to control which I believe is much more difficult than simply stopping.

Loopy_Girl

Youdontseeme wrote: »

I think the difference is that if you smoke, drink or do drugs while giving up is bloody hard it it can be done but it wont kill you if you stop.

You can not give up food, it is something you have to learn to control which I believe is much more difficult than simply stopping.

But it's still a choice...you choose to eat the correct food and portion control it or not, you choose to put a fag to your mouth or not, you choose to stick a needle in your arm or not.....

Yes you need food to eat and no, you don't need any other vices in life but the choosing is still there. Just like any other lifestyle choice, you can choose to reject it or sucumb to it.

Pixiechic

Youdontseeme wrote: »

I think the difference is that if you smoke, drink or do drugs while giving up is bloody hard it it can be done but it wont kill you if you stop.

You can not give up food, it is something you have to learn to control which I believe is much more difficult than simply stopping.

Main Entry: morbid obesity Part of Speech: n Definition: a state of overweight so great that it prevents normal activity or bodily function and will likely cause a serious or life-threatening disorder Example: Weighing two or three times a recommended weight would be deemed morbid obesity.

Having too much can also do damage.

He was right to encourage her to lose weight. All the people coming on here saying 'I'm fat too, dump him he doesn't love you'.

Sometimes, when you love someone you have to say something that might hurt them but it is for their own good. He cared enough to try to encourage her to lose weight as did her doctor.

The hang yourself bit was wrong.

The fact that he gave her a bit of a harsh reality may have been, I hope, the reality check the OP needs to get better.

Snuggles

Hang on a minute, I don't think anyone has said (I certainly haven't) that people just wake up overweight or that it doesn't happen as a result of the person's own actions. We all know that consuming too much and excercising too little is what leads to weight gain. However, what is not so easily understood is the emotional and psychological issues which often go hand in hand with overeating.

Nobody wants to be overweight, and I don't for a second think that it has become accepted as the norm. Perhaps when you see a seriously overweight person, you think they they are going around thinking I'm fat, this is what I've chosen, and everyone else should just accept it. Personally, I think it's more likely they are hating themselves for their repeated failure to lose weight, and feeling crippled by self consciousness and the ridicule or pitying looks they get from other people. No one chooses that.

If it was as simple as saying well you're just making a choice to eat to eat too much, there wouldn't be so many people battling with their weight.

Snuggles

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Nail on head.

And also we are not allowed to berate fat people (such as we would smokers for disgusting habit yaka yaka) as apparantly it's not a lifestyle choice these days.

I was an overweight child, and it has affected all aspects of my life. I was the one who got picked on and called names at school, and who, from the age of 11 onwards, regularly contemplated suicide. The more miserable my existence became, the more I turned to food to fill the void and try to take away the pain and loneliness I experienced throughout my childhood. The emotional and psychological effects are long lasting, and twenty years later, I still battle with my weight, and it is still a very emotional and painful issue for me.

If you think that "berating" me will help in any way, I am glad you are not my friend.