my son wants to get custody for his son

gizmo111

What everybody seesms to be forgetting is that this child is on the CP Register, SS are taking legal advice, and the baby is likely to be subject to care proceedings. There is no guaranteee this child will end up with either family.
OP's son with support of his mother, needs to go to hospital and find out what is wrong with the child. If this boy wants to be part of this childs life and have repsonsibility for him then he needs to start being a little more active and involved in what's happening to him.
The SW should have a report from the hospital, but inform her anyhow just in case in doesn't get to her 1st thing. Depending on the reason for the admission the police can be asked by SS to put this child under a police protection order to a place of safety either hospital or with paternal family so hecannot be removed, whilst SS go to court and get an emergency protection order today.
Let us know how you get on.

blue_monkey_2

Gizmo, do you get the impression the family are scared of upsetting the mother/grandmother and of what might happen and this is why they have not got as involved as they should have done. I do and feel they need to push these feeling aside and do what is right now. It is hard but as Gizmo said get the protection order in place.

Please do keep us informed and don't waste your precious time in defending posts about things. Just keep to the neccessary things you have to do.

I hope that this little baby is not too seriously ill - my thoughts are with him/her. Such a sad situation and start in life for this little one. ANYTHING has to be better than a life such as the one he already has which leaves him in hospital and being given medicine to shut him up, surely. I am not in the least bit soft and weepy but I cannot believe how sad this situation has made me feel

gizmo111

It is hard but as Gizmo said get the protection order in place.

That is the social worker/police decision but from what I have read is long overdue.

Savvy_sewing

Right I have now read every single post.
I would suggest following Gizmo's advice. Make sure your son goes to the hospital and finds out what is happening.
Get a Family Law solicitor if you havent already.
The Protection Order on your grandchild should kick in, with his being in hospital. They will not release him until they are satisfied he is going to be in proper care. This may be with family members or foster carers? Am I right Gizmo.?
I have to cut and run now. I have let DGD run a bit wild while reading this, and she has just demolished a choc ice!!! oops.

blue_monkey_2

gizmo111 wrote: »

That is the social worker/police decision but from what I have read is long overdue.

It just made me wonder, from the SW words in the OP, if they are wanting the son to just take the little one so they do not have a whole raft of paperwork to do. Lets be honest, it would make the SW lives a whole lot easier.

I have not read all of the thread tbh so sorry if I missed anything, it just seemed to be questions upon questions of the OP defending herself so I just thought I would post some of the knowledge I had.

I do know of a grandmother who snatched her grand-daughter and the police did nothing, the mum had to get an emergency court hearing to get the child back and it took a good few months. If the OP did the same, if the mother was going to fight (which it seems she is not interested in the baby) then the child would be in a routine and healthy in the meantime.

It does have to be asked whether the babies mum has PND though - either way, she needs some time away from the baby and needs help, but she will need to ask for this before it is given. Maybe some time away from the baby will give her some time to think. It seems at the moment that she has a few days off and gets the baby back and then she carried on as though the baby is not there, even going missing.

It seems, to me anyway, that the baby needs to spend more time at dads house for the mum and the babies benefit if nothing else.

nottslass_2

blue_monkey wrote: »

nottslass, there has been far worse neglect and still a child has not been removed from parents as they imply this is the best palce for a baby to be. Maybe this latest hospital visit will be the one that tips the applecart.

Their actions (bearing in mind this child actually has a few SW and they often do not talk to each other) suggest they want the dad to have the child - he can do this, I have posted above on how to do this.

It would be easier in the SW eyes for him to simply not return the baby and they will not have a ton of paperwork/visits/etc... to sort out which of course, cost money. The mother is clearly not going to fight it, the paternal grandmother will have to apply for a residency order as the dad has more rights than the maternal grandmother.

Now cut it out, you should be ashamed of yourself on all the questioning - if you have no advice then jog on.

Your posts giving the 3rd degree are totally irrelevant anyway as the son can just remove the child and not send him home for whatever reason - let the mother fight for custody if she wants it - which she clearly doesn't so she won't. There is no order in place that says where the child lives and who he lives with. The maternal grandmother has no automatic right to parent the child and will need to apply for residency, which the OP's son will fight with the support of his family. It takes 1-2 years to get through the courts for residency so by then the mother will have a chance to clean up her act if she wants the baby back.

Good luck OP, give this baby a better life, he/she deserves it. Be prepared for the onslaught from the maternal GM though. I'd suggest you check out a solicitor for your son because she is probably not going to let it lie and he will need the legal side to back him up on this unless you know the legal terms to do it yourself. However, your son has more rights over this child than the maternal grandmother. Speak to the hospital also. Good luck.

But the OP has admitted that the baby isn't actually being ill treated by the mother and I actually fail to see a post that suggests the child is in danger. Instead the OP has simply posted hear say and instances where any accusations have been unfounded !!!!!!

nottslass_2

blue_monkey wrote: »

Gizmo, do you get the impression the family are scared of upsetting the mother/grandmother and of what might happen and this is why they have not got as involved as they should have done. I do and feel they need to push these feeling aside and do what is right now. It is hard but as Gizmo said get the protection order in place.

Please do keep us informed and don't waste your precious time in defending posts about things. Just keep to the neccessary things you have to do.

I hope that this little baby is not too seriously ill - my thoughts are with him/her. Such a sad situation and start in life for this little one. ANYTHING has to be better than a life such as the one he already has which leaves him in hospital and being given medicine to shut him up, surely. I am not in the least bit soft and weepy but I cannot believe how sad this situation has made me feel

The OP has already stated that she child wasn't being given medicene to shut him up and we don't know why the baby is in hospital ,so there is no reason to believe that there is ANYTHING that could have prevented this latest incident and "give him a better life- there is nothing to suggest that it has anything to do with abuse of the child ( as indeed the last time).

brians_daughter

ok, i have only read upto page 8 so i may be re-writting what has already been said here.

OP whilst i admire what you are trying to do, ie give your grandson the best start in life, and i understand he is the most important party in all this... i cant see a post regarding the mother... ok you say you have booked baby massage classes etc and thats great...

Has anyone has her assessed for PND? She sounds like a confused and scared lady. She is now faced with the realisation that her mother gave her up.... she wants to form a relationship with her own mother, who seeems to not give 2 hoots about her own daughter. The only way the new mum feels she can form a relationship with her own mother is by keeping her own child... who she actually never sees as between you and the other granny you give all the primary care.

Have you looked at maybe asking the mother to come and stay with you for a few days/week... ok, its not ideal i know but surely this woman needs to be shown what a real loving family is? If she has never had it she cant replicate it without assistance, ok shes off loading as SS but maybe she is scared? Drinking to numb her pain and confussion?

If someone could maybe show her what it is to be a Mum and could help and support her under supervision, and away from the other grandma (who you say is the real issue)?

Ok, it all sounds very whisy washy.. but as a mother of 3 and number 4 on the way its a bloody hard job! I am blessed with a oh, loving and involved parents and in laws and brothers and sisters to help and sometimes i feel i could just pack it all in and go the pub on a bender! BUT i have the advantage of being brought up in a loving and supportive family where i know i can seek help, i have someone to put the kettle on and someone i can cry to when it all gets too much. I cant see where your sons ex is getting any support for her?! She cant ask her mum as her mum hasnt been the mum she wanted, she cant ask SS as she feels they are on her back, she cant ask you for advice as you are her ex' Mum so maybe she is hiding behind all this bravado about getting drunk?

I kwow your main concern is your grandson, but i started off thinking this wonam didnt deserve her child, now i am thinking she at least deserves help to see how to be a mum

OP i wish you, your son and your grandson all the luck in the world with this x

nottslass_2

blue_monkey wrote: »

tweety, Sorry, long post coming.

I actually cannot believe you are being set upon like this when you are just needing help.

Some of you posters should be downright ashamed of yourselves in all honesty. Do you think this mother has the time or enegery to be defending herself against your pointless questioning? I am disgusted. If you do not have the right qualifications to give her advice them jog on and go bother someone else. Of course, not every post is identical when she is posting replies in this manner and then getting 3 questions on every post she has made. She clearly wants the best for this baby - who it is clear has no mother who wants him/her so why should the father not be allowed to bring her up? Does it matter that his mum is here posting for him and trying to get things sorted out for him, he is only 17 so give some credit where it is due for gods sake.

You son has the same parental rights as the mother and certainly more than the maternal grandmother who seems to have taken over caring for the child, so he needs to get a hard head on and get strong and you all need to start fighting him/her.

For the people who do not agree - not everyone who gives birth to a baby deserves to have automatic right to bring up that baby. This lady clearly does not want the baby, she needs help but she can get this when there is not a young baby to be cared for - who is in hospital AGAIN! Prove her worth and that she is better and then have the baby back.

OP, go and find out TODAY whether you son is entitled to legal aid. Call or drop into any solicitors and ask. Once they confirm this then go and find a Family Lawyer. I would find out if right now if you can just refuse to let the baby go home after your next visit and then let them fight you - with this babies history they'll not have any chance in getting the baby back. If the mother is serious about wanting the baby back she will clean up her act and then the baby can go back to her.

Has anyone suggested she go to the docs and get help for post-natal depression? Unfortunately, unless she is sectioned for MH then this is not something you can force her to do but why put a baby at risk just because she will not get the help she needs.

Thing is, in a family unit, if mum was ill with PND and she had to go into hospital then baby would be bought up by dad, only in this case dad is not there at home so this baby is suffering - yes, suffering. PND can cause the problems you are talking about mum having, however,maybe she just does not want the baby as not all women want to have babies. If this is the case then dad should be the one bringing the baby up - as is his right and duty to do - not the maternal grandmother. Your son has more rights than her unless instructed otherwise by the court As he wants to do this then you need to go and see a solicitor and get things moving.

The SW will not know all of the rights and laws, and their service is sometiumes next to useless in respect of some things, so please do not expect them to know. It seems that they are not talking to each other as they should be, which would not be unusual - every county council has these problems and I could reel off many with our local SS, so speak to a solicitor. Even just call and ask if someone can call you back as a matter of urgency. Ask them:

Can you son just not send the child home? There is no court order in place
What will happen to your son, can the police remove the child?
How do you stop the mother having the baby, you need to sort out access at a contact centre so she/grandmother cannot snatch the baby.

I know of a paternal grandmother who snatched a baby from the mother and it was 4 months through courts to get the baby back into the mothers house - the mother did not see or speak to the baby in that time. The police did not remove the child, it had to go through the courts. The police could do nothing (and I honestly forget why but the father did not want to know as he was not around, this was the grandmothers actions). In this instance the mother does not want the baby, the maternal grandmother will not be given the same rights as a mother, so if she wants custody she will have to have to apply for a Residence Order if she wants the baby to come and live with her.

Maybe SS are waiting for you to do the right thing but you need to get very strong as you are going to get a lot of abuse if you do this. However, it will be worth it so hard hats on and decide to do what is right this little baby.

Incorrect. If a mother is hospitalised due to PND and placed in a mother and baby unit then the baby stays with the mother.


Actually I find It quite hard to stomach people supporting the removal and refusal to hand back an 8 week old baby back to its mother.

The OP hasn't actually given any instances of how the child is supposedly being mistreated.

The OP posts are so full of inconsistencies which make the whole thing quite unbelievable and she chooses to post information that can easily identify both the mother and child including the names of her son and grandson,perhaps if she'd spent more time encouraging her son to get proper legal advise instead of posting the mothers so called failings then perhaps one would be more sympathetic.

As Its the son who allegedly wants residency I fail to understand why it isn't him thats doing all the ringing around and gathering "evidence" finding out the legal implications,meeting social workers etc. How can he possibly be responsible enough to look after a tiny baby and bring it up for life,if he can't even be bothered to phone the hospital to see how his son is - instead he gets his mother to do it ?



IF this entire thread isn't a wide up then I truley pity this poor baby.

Loopy_Girl

blue_monkey wrote: »

Now cut it out, you should be ashamed of yourself on all the questioning - if you have no advice then jog on.

How rude is that - who are you to tell people what they can and cannot post? It's a public forum - clue in the title.

And some of the 'advice' you are giving is just ludicrous - snatching babies? Mother's being kept from their babies whn they have PND?

The OP has already stated she wants to do it the right way (I'm not even going to pretend anymore that it's the Son that wants the baby since it's so obvious that it's Granny that's wanting him) and unless the Mother have severe PND (as in needing sectioned) then they would never seperated Mum and Baby.