Partner lends money to ex..

mikey72

sp1987 wrote: »

Are you paid to misread posts or is it just a sideline hobby when the trains aren't running?

:wall:

What a strange thing to say.

bambam0074

Mrs Justjohn.... You agreed wayback with the sentiments of what I was saying but people still disagree so I felt the need to be more clear/specific

DevilsAdvocate1

Perhaps you should include some form of joint saving in with the bills, so that it can be used if one of you ends up out of work or unable to work?

sp1987

mikey72 wrote: »

What a strange thing to say.

Do you by any chance share a genetic profile with the user 'meritaten'?

A 'strange thing to say' is to take literally something written by someone obviously in jest. Obvious by the style of writing and more obvious still by the flambouyant examples used. Unless you are on the autistic spectrum and therefore have a possible difficulty understanding sarcasm and non literal speech I really cannot fathom what to say.

Mrs_justjohn

bambam0074 wrote: »

Mrs Justjohn.... You agreed wayback with the sentiments of what I was saying but people still disagree so I felt the need to be more clear/specific

I sincerely hope you sort this out OP, as I feel that unless you do, it will eat away at you and undermine the realtionship. Perhaps you need to define what the relationship means to each of you, and where you both see it going, and if you are getting different answers keep thrashing it out until you reach a compromise. If a compromise can not be reached now then it is doubtful that one will be reached in the future when things come to a head (like when he is out of work and can't pay his share of the bills...or you want to buy a larger house but he can't afford his share....or you feel you both need a holiday and you begrudge going to Bognor rather than Barbados as he has spent all his savings....etc..etc...I think you get the idea)

Good luck and Take Care:)

mikey72

sp1987 wrote: »

Do you by any chance share a genetic profile with the user 'meritaten'?

A 'strange thing to say' is to take literally something written by someone obviously in jest. Obvious by the style of writing and more obvious still by the flambouyant examples used. Unless you are on the autistic spectrum and therefore have a possible difficulty understanding sarcasm and non literal speech I really cannot fathom what to say.

Now you're just rambling.

sp1987

mikey72 wrote: »

Now you're just rambling.

Dear lord.

To ensure you are familiar with my point of view so you can commence your apologies for misunderstanding, I have never bought anything to spite anyone, nor would I.

Hope this helps!

RadoJo

I agree that this situation demonstrates a fundamental lack of communication over how 'joined' your finances are and how to handle this kind of situation - I personally would be more upset if my OH kept something from me purely because someone else asked him to rather than considering my feelings above those of someone else.
From the sounds of things this situation has brought to the surface some inherent disagreements over how your relationship stands and the fact that you and your OH cannot reach agreement over it even after discussion demonstrates that there might be deeper issues between you.

donquine

I've always lived by the principle 'don't lend money you can't afford to get back.' £10k is a huge sum to give away and write off - and we're not even talking about giving it to a poorly relative, it's to the OP's OH's ex! That would wind me up no end. I don't think the OP is unreasonable being upset - I would be furious. That £10k could have gone into a house deposit for the future, for example - instead it's been spent on the past.

Nottoobadyet

I think most people are being unreasonable here. Keeping your finances separate in the first two years of a relationship is quite common, but I think most of us would expect our partner to at least mention something about giving a loan of that size. OP, does your partner feel responsible for some of his ex's debts? Did they run them up while together, perhaps while your partner was out of his contracting work? Is it at all possible that his ex is blackmailing him somehow, which would explain why he wasn't eager to tell you?

Just some thoughts, hope it works out. I would also be annoyed if my partner blew his savings (heh, savings) on something without telling me, even though we have a similar financial set up to you.