Partner lends money to ex..

Fang_3

bambam0074 wrote: »

I have no issue with supporting him/us. I have no issue with him lending money to his ex, his mum, the chuirch or anyone else. However I would have liked to have it discussed and the implications debated before hand.

Fang obviously thinks this is unreasonabloe so is sat in the camp with my partner !

Then why did you agree to have separate bank accounts and money?

Fang_3

tjakyll wrote: »

I'm sure the partner in question probably doesn't want his financial situation spread all over a thread on here, but I hear some contractors can earn that sort of money in a month!

Indeed. In fact I wonder if his partner would be happy with the OP airing their dirty laundry for all to witness.

Mrs_justjohn

FWIW - I would be annoyed about my other half lending anyone any money without having discussed it, but that is just me and my relationship, and I realise that not everyones relationships function as mine does.

OP - You state "We dont get involved with what we spend our spare money on" yet in this instance you feel you should have been 'involved'. This suggests to me that it is not so much the monetary issue but the fact that you felt he would/should discuss with you (FWIW - I agree with you). Perhaps you should try and talk to him again and explain how you feel, and that it was not the money lending that was the problem but the fact it seems to have been done 'in secret'. I think you need to ensure you both see the relationship the same way....in terms of levels of commitment and the future.

bambam0074

So should he be out of work in October and unable to pay his share of responsibilities. Then Fang I assume you would say I am quite within my rights to say sorry.. your problem I have my income you have yours (or not as the case may be) you sort your own financial issues out ??

whitewing

I am the same as the OP - I would have a very big issue over this - a total questioning of our relationship type of issue.
And in my case, it wouldn't matter who he had lent that much to, although I would be more upset if it were an ex.

Fang_3

bambam0074 wrote: »

So should he be out of work in October and unable to pay his share of responsibilities. Then Fang I assume you would say I am quite within my rights to say sorry.. your problem I have my income you have yours (or not as the case may be) you sort your own financial issues out ??

Yes. Are you being purposely slow or is it a medical thing? You both agreed to have separate finances (after joint bills are paid) so you both have a responsibility to hold up your end of the bargain. It's you that wants the benefit of both situations, not him.

bambam0074

Seperate bank accounts and money is what we started with. We have never felt the need to go to joint account, its never been an issue and main issue is that there is no discussion. If I disagree and he says tough fine. At least let me have the right within the relationship to know what is happening and to have an input on the decision. I agree that the final say is down to the lending party... 100%

*max*

bambam0074 wrote: »

So should he be out of work in October and unable to pay his share of responsibilities. Then Fang I assume you would say I am quite within my rights to say sorry.. your problem I have my income you have yours (or not as the case may be) you sort your own financial issues out ??

I don't know about Fang, but yes, I would.

hieveryone

Why is everyone being so hard on the OP??

Yes, they may have separate finances to do as they wish, but £10k isn't exactly lending a mate 20 quid down the pub is it? It's a carefully organised loan of money, and probably part of this is what has annoyed them.

OP, I'd be livid also. Not just because it's an ex, but because of the sheer sum of money.

Fang_3

bambam0074 wrote: »

Seperate bank accounts and money is what we started with. We have never felt the need to go to joint account, its never been an issue and main issue is that there is no discussion. If I disagree and he says tough fine. At least let me have the right within the relationship to know what is happening and to have an input on the decision. I agree that the final say is down to the lending party... 100%

I'm going to put this in the most gentle words that I can muster so that you can understand it.

You both decided to keep your spare money separate and make decisions with that money on your own. On that basis, you are being unreasonable. Get over it, or you could find yourself single again.