Partner lends money to ex..

sp1987

I think you want it both ways. You have the financial separation (which benefits both of you) but you also want your partner to be accountable to you for their finances.

If that is the case then the benefit of separate finances only falls on you...which isn't fair. You would then have control over your finances plus a chance to veto decisions made regarding his.

Are you his partner or his bank manager? Pick your choice and stick by it.

As for my opinion, myself and my partner have separate finances. If he came home one day having spent all his money on a giant stick of Rock with his name on it (or anything else), I would think he was a bit of a nutter but that's his lookout. I would hope he enjoyed it, lol.

If lending money to the ex is a problem, that is a problem with regard to an ex as opposed to a problem with money...and is an entirely different thread.

julie03

i wouldnt like it either, i was engaged after 6 months and we discussed everything financial together before we even moved in together,

its called being in a relationship its 10k not £50

what if this ex never gives it back and it seriously impacts them being able to buy a house or getting married

op you dont have a warped idea on relationships

tjakyll

*Louise* wrote: »

Sorry, if I was in a long-term relationship and my partner just handed over 10k to an ex, I think I would be a bit annoyed if he didn't even have the decency to talk to me about it first.

Nothing to do with the money or the amount, I would be feeling as though I had been sidelined and not important enough to have discussed it with.

Would you feel the same if the loan was for £100? or £10? As the OP has stated its not the money - its the principal. So why would the principal change according to the amount? If you handed a beggar 3p on the street, do you feel the need to discuss it with a partner first?

Fang_3

bambam0074 wrote: »

Fang have you actually ascertained how joint finances are ??

A joint mortgage which we do have should be at least a start !

I'm going off what you wrote in the OP. Unless things have changed within the past 10 minutes, I'm sure I'm accurate enough.

bambam0074 wrote: »

Whilst we arent totally financially joined as in we have separate bank accounts and split all the bills 50/50. He earns more than me but his income is his own and mine is mine. We dont get involved with what we spend our spare money on but I just feel somewhat hurt that he has lent his partner such a sum of money withot discussing with me first.

His opinion is that this is something that isnt needed to be discussed, its between him and his ex and its his decision what he does with his money.

Fang_3

julie03 wrote: »

i wouldnt like it either, i was engaged after 6 months and we discussed everything financial together before we even moved in together,

its called being in a relationship its 10k not £50

what if this ex never gives it back and it seriously impacts them being able to buy a house or getting married

op you dont have a warped idea on relationships

They already have a house, and it hasn't impacted on anything to do with the OP.

This isn't about the money, it's about one man wanting to change the rules because he's insecure.

bambam0074

Fang its very easy to form an opinion without all the facts.. Even more reaosn to be concerned is when we is a contractor with no guarantee of work after October !

Maybe I should have put more information in, but as I say its the fact he didnt feel the need to discuss, but guess here on a thread difficult to put all information in..

tjakyll

julie03 wrote: »

i wouldnt like it either, i was engaged after 6 months and we discussed everything financial together before we even moved in together,

its called being in a relationship its 10k not £50

what if this ex never gives it back and it seriously impacts them being able to buy a house or getting married

op you dont have a warped idea on relationships

I would suggest that at 10k (although this is apparently irrelevant of the amount) the OP's partner would have quite a good idea that the loan would be paid back. Unless they're millionaires in which case 10k is the equivalent of lending someone a few bob

bambam0074

I have no issue with supporting him/us. I have no issue with him lending money to his ex, his mum, the chuirch or anyone else. However I would have liked to have it discussed and the implications debated before hand.

Fang obviously thinks this is unreasonabloe so is sat in the camp with my partner !

Fang_3

bambam0074 wrote: »

Fang its very easy to form an opinion without all the facts.. Even more reaosn to be concerned is when we is a contractor with no guarantee of work after October !

Maybe I should have put more information in, but as I say its the fact he didnt feel the need to discuss, but guess here on a thread difficult to put all information in..

We can only offer advice on the information available. Speaking personally, I've not yet been blessed with psychic powers, so I would be hard pressed to know what else is in your head.

None of it changes my opinion though. You both agreed to have separate spending money, though it appears now you want to control his money and have it for yourself.

tjakyll

bambam0074 wrote: »

Fang its very easy to form an opinion without all the facts.. Even more reaosn to be concerned is when we is a contractor with no guarantee of work after October !

Maybe I should have put more information in, but as I say its the fact he didnt feel the need to discuss, but guess here on a thread difficult to put all information in..

I'm sure the partner in question probably doesn't want his financial situation spread all over a thread on here, but I hear some contractors can earn that sort of money in a month!