Access to grandson

iamana1ias

Mojisola wrote: »

Doesn't the child have two parents? Does the father have no say in what happens to his child?

Quite. :T .............

delain

The father appears to agree with the child's mother from what little I can pick up, otherwise he would have said something to his mother by now, no?

Either to explain why his GF isn't keen, or offer to take the baby round on his own so his mum and GF aren't required to spend time together.

newcook

I remember as a child going to my grandparents (my moms in-laws) most Sundays for lunch – and it was always by invitation from my grandma.

Is there any chance you could do a similar thing on a Saturday or Sunday? Even get yourself a handblender to mush up the food so GS can enjoy the meal too

Mojisola

delain wrote: »

The father appears to agree with the child's mother from what little I can pick up, otherwise he would have said something to his mother by now, no?

Either to explain why his GF isn't keen, or offer to take the baby round on his own so his mum and GF aren't required to spend time together.

In this case, the father does seem to be keeping his head down but that doesn't alter the fact that, to my mind, this sentiment - "Who looks after the baby when the Mother is at work is the Mother's choice, not the MIL's, and the baby's Mother is right (imo) in putting her foot down." - is wrong. Substitute the word "parents" for "mother" and I'd go along with it 100%.

whitewing

Mojisola wrote: »

Substitute the word "parents" for "mother" and I'd go along with it 100%.

In my experience mother would and should have the casting vote. It can be discussed all you like between parents but if mum isn't happy then it won't happen.

Felicity

heretolearn wrote: »

(P.S. I didn't leave my baby with anyone until he was 8 months old and then it was my parents - and I wrote them 4 pages of instructions! Which they very nicely took and nodded over, although I'm sure they were dying to either strangle me or fall about laughing).[/QUOTE]

Yes, I too was wondering if this was the reason! I hated leaving my son when he was a baby because I did things 'just so' and I only felt comfortable leaving him with my Mum because I knew she would take all my 'instructions' in good nature. I was very particular and would have felt uncomfortable listing off my requirements to anybody else, that is just the way I was, very, very protective.

ClareEmily

My baby will be due is September and while I am breast feeding my husband and I will be his sole carers.

I don't know why you can't just visit.

Although I love my inlaws they won't be baby sitting for us, as they have limited mobility have not looked after a child for 30 odd years and have a clumsy dog.

Sorry just the way it is.

red_devil

just accept any offers to visit and see what happens. All the best your heart is in the right place.

Loopy_Girl

I don't understand why needing to look after him on your own? They have said they will come over today so you will see him then - why do you feel determined that you want to look after him by yourself?

I don't understand to be honest...if he's in the house he's in the house.

Honestly, I'm sitting here confuzzled by it....

peachyprice

I think the title of your thread says it all really.

You're not entitled to 'access' to your grandson, you're not an absent parent. You're a grandmother. If this is the way you come across to your DIL, I'm not surprised she's uncomfortable leaving him with you.

You don't need to be left alone with him to enjoy him. Perhaps his parents feel they want you all to spend time together as a family for you to get to know him and his little ways before even comtemplating leaving him with you, not at all unreasonable really. But any suggestion they've made to that effect you've rejected. You seem to be cutting of your nose to spite your face because they won't let you see your grandon on your terms.

It's not at all unusual for a woman to feel far more comfortable leaving her baby with her own mother, rather than her MIL, that's just they way it is. There's a lifetime of trust between mother and daughter that has to be earned by any 'outsiders', the only way to earn that is one step at a time, take all the contact with your grandson that is offered and build that bond.