Access to grandson

Siemo

Hi, sorry to hear this is upsetting you so much

I just wanted to say that some mums (many of my friends!) are very precious about their babies and don't believe that anyone else is able to look after them properly, despite how many children they may have had themselves!! I've always been very grateful for babysitters etc, but having said that when my LO was a baby I really only left him with my mum. This is not because I thought my MIL (or anyone else) would harm him, just because I knew that mum knew all his routines etc, and it was easy to leave him with her because she lived down the road.

I'm sure they don't mean to offend you and please try not to let it affect your relationship with your son and his GF. It's difficult going back to work when you have a baby at home, particularly if she is an anxious mum, and she probably just feels reassured that it's her mum with the baby. However good a relationship you have with your MIL unfortunately it's not the same as your own mum. I think when the baby's a bit older she'll probably loosen the reigns a bit and will be grateful for your help. So it's really important to keep the lines of communication open and not let this blow out of proportion.

Perhaps have a casual chat about it with them (without getting into an argument) and make it clear that you want to help as much as possible but will leave it up to them to ask you. I'm sure in a few months they'll be taking you up on the offer, and in the meantime you can go and see them/invite them over as a family and enjoy time with your son and grandson together. Try and be laid back about it, there's nothing a girl hates more than a pushy MIL!!!

janb5

Son and I did have a chat at my suggestion about a fortnight ago and I thought we had sorted it out. I reckon GF doesnt like me. I have tried to stand back etc and not make any comments at all. As for I cant really want to see him if only for an hour, no its not that. I just think it is unfair that everyone else gets to see him regularly even the great grandparents( hers) I didnt like my MIL but drove my kids to see her regularly.

dobs

just wondering why you say the girlfriend and family live in a cult? Do you mean because they are a close knit family? My mum and nan is the only people i trust my children with, but we are not in contact anymore with my mil, she hasn't met the youngest but it is her choice and i wouldn't be able to trust her anyway. I think you will need to tread very carefully.

janb5

Mojisola wrote: »

It might be just as you think - that your son's gf only wants her family to look after their child. Some women are like that.

How well do you know her? Was her upbringing very different to the way you brought up your children?

The best way forward would be to accept every offer of visits. Let her see you with her child. Be sensitive if she wants things done a certain way.

Also, talk to your son, calmly and reasonably. Don't make it a competition between you and her family. Surely he wants his child to be a member of his family as well as his gf's family?

I agree. Maybe background was different but I`m not sure she does want contact with our family. Has already excluded his old friends, my ex sees them once a month, my son sees them as little as me. Other son likely to see them even less as moving to flat. His gf commented that she thought I should see him more.

Fang_3

janb5 wrote: »

Son and I did have a chat at my suggestion about a fortnight ago and I thought we had sorted it out. I reckon GF doesnt like me. I have tried to stand back etc and not make any comments at all. As for I cant really want to see him if only for an hour, no its not that. I just think it is unfair that everyone else gets to see him regularly even the great grandparents( hers) I didnt like my MIL but drove my kids to see her regularly.

Did she say that you lived in a cult? Throw back opportunities to see the kids back in your face?

He is not your child. If you want to see him then you have to fit around their schedule, and not expect them to fit to yours.

aliasojo

janb5 wrote: »

I just think it is unfair that everyone else gets to see him regularly even the great grandparents( hers) I didnt like my MIL but drove my kids to see her regularly.

But everyone is different and you don't always get things to be as you would wish.

If the g/f really doesn't like you, then your only option is to get her onside. Like it or not, she holds all the cards.

janb5

dobs wrote: »

just wondering why you say the girlfriend and family live in a cult? Do you mean because they are a close knit family? My mum and nan is the only people i trust my children with, but we are not in contact anymore with my mil, she hasn't met the youngest but it is her choice and i wouldn't be able to trust her anyway. I think you will need to tread very carefully.

Cant really walk on any more eggshells. I dont believe son is ` allowed` to mix with people who arent ` approved`i.e. her family.

minimoneysaver

Gosh, if I didn't know better you could be my ex's mother. The amount of times I had calls demanding to see her grandchild and when I'd turn up, I'd be asked....'what time are you coming back?' When I had no intention of leaving my baby. Shortly after the birth, I was still breast feeding and my ex demanded that we leave my daughter with them so we could go out and they could have some time alone with her. In any normal relationship I am sure this wouldn't have happened. Our relationship had broken down, he was verbally abusive to me and I was sat at a dinner table leaking milk. This episode made me lose all respect for his parents and the relationship has now completely disolved. My best advice is take what is offered and take the time to build up a trusting relationship. Please don't demand that baby is left or the same may happen to you.

aliasojo

janb5 wrote: »

Cant really walk on any more eggshells. I dont believe son is ` allowed` to mix with people who arent ` approved`i.e. her family.

Unless she is holding a knife to his back, then he is making his own choices. If they are bad ones, he will learn.

neneromanova

How were you towards the GF when she was pregnant? Did you ring to ask how she was and if everything was going ok? My OH's parents don't really do that which has made me think twice so she might have thought this about you? Just a thought?