Access to grandson

balletshoes

there may be a lot of truth in that BitsyBeans - but at the end of the day it is the gfs decision what/when access will take place. for that reason alone, if OP wants a relationship with her grandchild, she is going to have to get on, and stay on, gfs right side. OPs son sounds like he won't go against his gfs wishes here, so what other choice does OP have?

Bitsy_Beans

balletshoes wrote: »

there may be a lot of truth in that BitsyBeans - but at the end of the day it is the gfs decision what/when access will take place. for that reason alone, if OP wants a relationship with her grandchild, she is going to have to get on, and stay on, gfs right side. OPs son sounds like he won't go against his gfs wishes here, so what other choice does OP have?

None really which is why she'll have to suck it up.
But I don't think it's fair to accuse her of being "demanding" when she just clearly wants to spend some time with her grandchild. It came accross to me that she's more than happy to spent time with him in the company of the parents but that's she's limited to an hour at a time.

aliasojo

iamana1ias wrote: »

Er no, she's been fired from being a health visitor for gross misconduct (which she doesn't appear to deny).

I can see why her son and his GF may not want to leave their child alone with the OP.

Unfair and irrelevant. The OP's work situation has no bearing on her ability to be a Gran. (The charges levelled at her related to her dealings with paperwork.)

The stress and anxiety however, most definitely does.

delain

janb5 wrote: »

Yes I tried to help as much as possible- invited them to meals, bought shopping etc helped to buy furniture and pram etc. She is diabetic( insulin) so didnt have an easy pregnancy . Didnt ring her direct cos my calls were never answered =- apparently bad reception.
Helped from anything from cleaning the flat ( when asked to post delivery by son) to arranging sofa clean when their sofa was given to them from a smoky house( again offered not arranged without discussion.

My ex-MIL thought she was being super - helpful when I was pregnant/DD1 was born - and I've never felt so stifled in my entire life!

From her point of view - do her family go in for all that?

I really resented my ex-MIL, her son could do no wrong, I was forced (yes forced) to do things 'their' way, even when it was against my every instinct to do so and I've never been more unhappy. My own Mum on the other hand, would help me if I asked for it but knew better than to get right in my face.

Maybe she feels your son hasn't been standing on his own two feet and that's why she's trying to cut contact between you and him?

All you can really do is keep things polite, let them come over to you, be polite, be friendly to her and don't criticise. The time will come when they will trust you or need you to babysit.

At the moment your son's GF is rightly establishing that she is in charge of parenting her son and how/by whom it is done. Trying to take that from her will end in disaster

Oh, and even if your Son asks you - Do not go and clean in her home when she is not there! There is nothing that will make her feel more uncomfortable, not only that you've been poking around in her life but also that she will feel pushed out of her own life.

That is a huge violation for me, and one of the reasons my ex-MIL never had a key.

pelirocco

I doubt you have done anything wrong , its just girls tend to favour their own mothers / parents ,you only have to read the number of posts on this forums from posters slating their own mils

Pixiechic

iamana1ias wrote: »

Er no, she's been fired from being a health visitor for gross misconduct (which she doesn't appear to deny).

I can see why her son and his GF may not want to leave their child alone with the OP.

Er yes, reactive stress (try reading the full post) and you can't judge her on her work situation as you know nothing about it. My only point was that if she is suffering with reactive stress then her family through concern for her health may not be leaving her Grandson with her.

OP I really hope that you get a chance to see your Grandson. Grandparents are very important in a childs life.

heretolearn_2

Be patient and stop comparing what you get to what the other grandmother gets. It's natural she'll want to spend more time visiting her own family during the day. And if she needs a babysitter while she works two days a week, it's natural that it's her mum she picks.

Back off, don't be silly and refuse visits in the evening. Maybe the mum doesn't feel comfortable visiting you on her own so her and your son want to come together after work? It may not be personal, just that she feels awkward.

None of us can know why they've decided you can't look after the baby. Or have you misinterpreted something? Is it that they don't need you to look after the baby? They aren't going to leave him with you just because you want him, if they don't need a babysitter, not at this young age.

(P.S. I didn't leave my baby with anyone until he was 8 months old and then it was my parents - and I wrote them 4 pages of instructions! Which they very nicely took and nodded over, although I'm sure they were dying to either strangle me or fall about laughing).

iamana1ias

delain wrote: »

At the moment your son's GF is rightly establishing that she is in charge of parenting her son and how/by whom it is done.

I beg your pardon?

delain

iamana1ias wrote: »

I beg your pardon?

I don't see what you don't get? Who looks after the baby when the Mother is at work is the Mother's choice, not the MIL's, and the baby's Mother is right (imo) in putting her foot down.

Mojisola

delain wrote: »

I don't see what you don't get? Who looks after the baby when the Mother is at work is the Mother's choice, not the MIL's, and the baby's Mother is right (imo) in putting her foot down.

Doesn't the child have two parents? Does the father have no say in what happens to his child?