Access to grandson

janb5

My son and his girlfriend had their first baby in September. He is a lovely little boy but I dont get to see him regularly even tho` they live only about 7 miles away.

On Day 1 of pregnancy my son told me, " isnt it great Mum you can look after the baby on Friday( my day off)"

Since his birth, I have limited contact which I found very upsetting- about twice a month- mainly evenings.

My son used to be a chef and now works with g/f`s two brothers selling football memorabilia. Other inlaws live at the bottom of the road. GF works at Sainsbury at a branch very near to me.

In the last 2 weeks I have been offered contact on Monday evenings which I have said no to as he would be asleep. GF now back at work two days a week but her Mum looks after baby on both days.

They offered to come over tomorrow but are refusing for me to look after him even for an afternoon. Btw I dont turn up uninvited cos even when I was in their area and txted , I was told by GF that she was out all day....

Fast forward to today when we have exchanged txts. I have been told that I cannot look after him on my own. I have nothing wrong with me, no alcohol issues etc and am a trained nurse. I feel doubly sad as I have already lost one son in a car accident.

I honestly believe that GF only wants her family to look after him and they virtually live in a cult. It made matters worse as I met a friend yesterday whom I have known for years- same ages as son and GF and she regularly takes son to both sets of grandparents. Also should say I`m divorced and my remaining son lives here atm. Also it is fiancee not GF .

Texts are very hurtful saying I only want my own way and I should respect their decision ...but I dont! Feel so upset and devastated. My friends say it is difficult with sons and grandchildren butI have other friends who have no probs.

I was so looking forward to being a grandma particularly as my parents died in their 50`s and never got to be grandparents.

Money_maker

There must be some underlying issue that perhaps you have been unable to recognise. Do you have pets, are you a smoker, is your house untidy (sorry, but had to ask)? If there's absolutely nothing then it may be best to approach the subject when they are over - perhaps calmly over a cup of tea.

End of the day, it's their decision but if there's something about the environment that can be changed then a calm discussion may help to clear it up. Be prepared though - you may hear something you don't like.

*max*

Why do you need to look after him? Why isn't just seeing him and have them visit enough? You said they offered to visit, I think it's perfectly reasonable...You seem to think they should let you look after him on your own, but it's their decision, isn't? He's their child, not yours. I find this reaction quite strange to be honest.

janb5

Yes should have said all that. No I dont smoke,no pets and house is tidy and safe.

Feel let down by my son completely.

janb5

*max* wrote: »

Why do you need to look after him? Why isn't just seeing him and have them visit enough? You said you refused to have them visit because they won't let you look after him...I find this reaction quite strange to be honest.

I get to see him for about an hour. I saw some wedding pictures recently where they all went including g/parents. Baby sitting on g/parents knee etc. Dont want to be an `interesting stranger`to him.

dobs

There must be some reason, have you had a disagreement with ds' girlfriend at anytime or something like that? Rather than texting can you phone them and see if you can go over for a chat, even if little ones asleep you can see ds and gf and maybe find out what's going on?

aliasojo

Please don't be offended or take this in the wrong way but I see you are affected by stress and anxiety and I'm thinking maybe that's why the new parents are feeling they don't want to leave the little one with you at the moment?

Chinkle

Unless there's something you're not telling us, then can't see why they would actively avoid you having contact with your grandchild. Btw this doesn't have to be time alone with him, how about inviting them all over?

You haven't said what your relationship is like with your son's partner, is the reluctance coming from her or both of them? If you really can't understand why they are shutting you out, then you need to be direct but calm in approaching them. Be prepared to listen and accommodate their wishes, as you have no automatic rights.

neneromanova

Sorry but you turned down looking after him because he'd be asleep? You obviously can't want to look after him as much as you say otherwise you would have jumped at the chance. T

Your son and GF probably saw you turn this down twice and thought well we've given you the chance so we'll just carry on like normal. Plus also it's a very female/mother thing to prefer your own parents to that of your partners. I have nooooo idea why. I know I do it. But that's a whoooole other story

Supermom

Just a suggestion could you not invite your son his GF and baby for dinner once a week or even arrange to spend a day out once a month as a family?

I personally don't like leaving my kids anywhere and they only ever go to my mums as a last resort ie if I have a hospital appointment. That's not because I don't trust her (I love her dearly even though she drives me mad lol!!) its just because I feel happier when they are with me.

Please be careful and try not to demand, my MIL did this (and a few other things) and is now cut off she doesn't even know her youngest 2 grandchildren exist.

Hope you can sort it out.

Mojisola

It might be just as you think - that your son's gf only wants her family to look after their child. Some women are like that.

How well do you know her? Was her upbringing very different to the way you brought up your children?

The best way forward would be to accept every offer of visits. Let her see you with her child. Be sensitive if she wants things done a certain way.

Also, talk to your son, calmly and reasonably. Don't make it a competition between you and her family. Surely he wants his child to be a member of his family as well as his gf's family?