Help seeing a male's point of view?

74jax

*max* wrote: »

Eh? So it's fair that you pay in the same as him, when you earn about a third of what he does? It's "fair" that you end up worse off and in debt, while he ends up better off?

Would he be paying £420 all inclusive a month if he lived alone? He needs to realise that he's the only one who's actually benefitting from the deal here, does he think that's fair? If he was paying a bit more in than you, he would still be better off than if he lived alone. He sounds very stingy. Not attractive, is it?

But of he lived in his appartment he'd be paying less. He doesn't have a mortgage or have to pay for heating as it's so well insulated. Really all he paid for was his tv and internet. So in a way he is also worse off living with me, which I think is why we decided on a 50/50 split.

Fang_3

*max* wrote: »

Eh? So it's fair that you pay in the same as him, when you earn about a third of what he does? It's "fair" that you end up worse off and in debt, while he ends up better off?

Would he be paying £420 all inclusive a month if he lived alone? He needs to realise that he's the only one who's actually benefitting from the deal here, does he think that's fair? If he was paying a bit more in than you, he would still be better off than if he lived alone. He sounds very stingy. Not attractive, is it?

He probably would, actually. He has a mortgage free flat, so he probably would be better off.

Mrs_justjohn

mikey72 wrote: »

I haven't done the figures, but I wouldn't anyway.
We've never had separate bank accounts, and never kept score, we both earn, we both pay the bills, we both spend.
We don't even do the his and her car, insurance etc.
Even if you keep the finances separate, if he is committed he shouldn't be watching you get further and further into debt, if him moving in had actually made you worse off and he won’t' do anything, sling him back out.

Couldn't agree more - it was what I was trying to say in my post but I think I waffled on too much:rotfl:

gwhizz75

God, he sounds like an absolute nightmare... and a really tight one at that! I'm sorry, but to be this petty about money when you have been together for 5 years is just astonishing. I can never understand these relationships where peoples finances are completely split to the point that one person can afford to live the life of riley while watching the other getting into debt. I could never live like that.

I would expect any partner of mine to love my child as if they were their own after 5 years, and if he begrudged providing for him/her, he would be out of my life. It's not about being a golddigger, it's about being a family and supporting each other. If my OH was out of work, or for whatever reason was forced to work part time, I would contribute as much as needed to ensure we had the same lifestyle. I would pay for meals out together and I would pay for him to go out with his friends. The money we earn is ours, not his and mine.

From what you have said, and the way you say it, it sounds like his attitude towards money in general really bothers you. I would sit down and explain everything to him, showing him the figures, and if he doesn't see sense then ask him to move back out. To be honest though, the fact you have to ask for his help is wrong, he should have offered it to you.

*max*

Fang wrote: »

He probably would, actually. He has a mortgage free flat, so he probably would be better off.

But would he get his meals cooked for him, his clothes washed, his cleaning done too? Not to mention the main reason couples live together..because they want to be together under the same roof and ENJOY it, hopefully. He would get none of that, would he?

74jax

Fang wrote: »

He probably would, actually. He has a mortgage free flat, so he probably would be better off.

Before we moved in we were well aware we'd both be worse off, but after 5 years wanted to live together.

If I still had my old job I dont think it would have been as much of an issue. But I'm bringing in next to nothing, which will change when I go full time but I just expected a little help without being made to feel as though I'd asked for the moon.

kittiej

Just a question since it popped into my head but...

How do you know he earns what you think he does?

It's just I've seen something like this before and it reminded me of another situation where the BF didn't bring in quite the amount he bragged about.

In any case get him out before he does anymore damage to your finanaces and don't let him back in until he pays the shortfall you experience.

Sounds like he wants to semi-freeload to me.

Why don't you suggest it's not working out at yours and you should all move into his and you'll pay him what you think is OK for you? See what he says to that!

As for Fang, I am quite shocked to discover you're a bloke, I had you down as a Mary Whitehouse type of person **Sooorreeee**

*max*

74jax wrote: »

But of he lived in his appartment he'd be paying less. He doesn't have a mortgage or have to pay for heating as it's so well insulated. Really all he paid for was his tv and internet. So in a way he is also worse off living with me, which I think is why we decided on a 50/50 split.

Did you not realise just how much worse off you would by doing this though?

Fang_3

*max* wrote: »

But would he get his meals cooked for him, his clothes washed, his cleaning done too? Not to mention the main reason couples live together..because they want to be together under the same roof and ENJOY it, hopefully. He would get none of that, would he?

No he wouldn't. But he didn't get that before he moved in so I'm sure he'd cope.

In my opinion this situation has been allowed to develop because there hasn't been enough frank talking between the two. The OP needs to sit down and tell him everything and then let him decide from there, and then once he has, she needs to decide whether she's happy with that or not.

onlyroz

Fang wrote: »

And he's paying for half the food.

Presumably he's eating half the food as well?