Help seeing a male's point of view?

gwhizz75

Can I just ask, does he ever take you out for meals or trips to the cinema? Does he ever treat you?

*max*

Fang wrote: »

No he wouldn't. But he didn't get that before he moved in so I'm sure he'd cope.

In my opinion this situation has been allowed to develop because there hasn't been enough frank talking between the two. The OP needs to sit down and tell him everything and then let him decide from there, and then once he has, she needs to decide whether she's happy with that or not.

I agree. There's a fundamental communication problem there.

Fang_3

kittiej wrote: »

just a question since it popped into my head but...

How do you know he earns what you think he does?

It's just i've seen something like this before and it reminded me of another situation where the bf didn't bring in quite the amount he bragged about.

In any case get him out before he does anymore damage to your finanaces and don't let him back in until he pays the shortfall you experience.

Sounds like he wants to semi-freeload to me.

Why don't you suggest it's not working out at yours and you should all move into his and you'll pay him what you think is ok for you? See what he says to that!

As for fang, i am quite shocked to discover you're a bloke, i had you down as a mary whitehouse type of person **sooorreeee**

mary sodding whitehouse?!?!?!?!

sleepytiger

Hmmm.

I earn more than OH and I pay more of the bill - I also work more hours than him but there's no way I'd expect him to pay 50% jut because of that. As far as I'm concerned we're a team. Yes, OH could easily get a better paid job but he loves what he does and I'd rather he was happy than miserable, and if it means I have to pay more so that he's not struggling financially, then so be it.

So your partner insists on an equitable division of hours? Fine. Stop doing his washing, ironing, making his dinner, washing up his dishes, putting his stuff away and anything else you might do for him and give him half the household chores. If hours of work have to be equal so should domestic hours.

Fang_3

onlyroz wrote: »

Presumably he's eating half the food as well?

Be good going to eat half of the food for three people.:D

Mrs_justjohn

This thread is annoying me so much......

If you are a partnership then you pool all resources for the greater good of the 'family' surely?? Presently he is maintaining financial stability and has enhanced his personal life by gaining a live in cook, cleaner, etc.... You on the other hand are spiraling into debt and all you have out of the relationship is more cooking, cleaning ironing etc.... I know I have rather simplified things and I am sure you get something from the relationship but no where near what he has gained.....and he needs to know this!!

*max*

I was also quite sure Fang was a woman!

74jax

gwhizz75 wrote: »

I would contribute as much as needed to ensure we had the same lifestyle. I would pay for meals out together and I would pay for him to go out with his friends. The money we earn is ours, not his and mine.

That sounds lovely. I miss out on a lot of nights out purely because i don't have the money. This Thursday at work the whole office is going out with someone who is off on long term sick and i'm the only one not going. But it's my choice not to go, it wouldn't occue to me to ask him for money to go.

kittiej wrote: »

Just a question since it popped into my head but...

How do you know he earns what you think he does?

No he does, pay statements, bank accounts etc,

skypie123_2

Get rid! He is mean and is a man who is prepared to see you struggle while he acts like a teenager with his Kite-boarding really the best you can do for yourself?
Its one thing for a couple to be in a situation together where they have no money but still pull together, but its not like you're in the same boat here - he is in a yacht and you are in a dinghy!
You can do better than him. You deserve a man who wants to build a life with you not someone who wants you to beg him for money! He sounds like he has some real issues!

mikey72

74jax wrote: »

That sounds lovely. I miss out on a lot of nights out purely because i don't have the money. This Thursday at work the whole office is going out with someone who is off on long term sick and i'm the only one not going. But it's my choice not to go, it wouldn't occue to me to ask him for money to go.

It wouldn't occur to my wife to ask either.
It wouldn't occur to me to let her ask either.