Help seeing a male's point of view?

Oldernotwiser

74jax wrote: »

£350 is half my bills. He also pays half the food, but that obviously varies. He gave me £70 this month for food.

Why do you say he pays half YOUR bills rather than THE bills? also, 140.00 per month for food for 3 people - is he joking?

Fang_3

74jax wrote: »

I'm currently putting around £100 a month on mastercard which I guess is the difference from tax credits to what i'm getting now.

RAS wrote: »

What extra £100?

As mentioned above by the OP.

RAS wrote: »

74jax has lost £510 income and has additional CT of £130 to pay out before taking into account any extra utility costs. Doubt if £70 cover food for the month either.

Yes, she's lost £510, but she's bringing in £350 for half of her bills. And he's paying for half the food.

RAS wrote: »

More like £750 per month deficit in lost income and additional expense.

You've not counted the money brought in.

Fang_3

hngrymummy wrote: »

Fang, please stop hijacking people's threads in order to be rude to other posters (yes, I have noticed you do it an awful lot, and it's not fair on the OPs for you to be so silly all the time). Please stick to the question in point. Which is basically 'Why is he thinking that I can afford this and why does he think I'm just after his money?"

OP, back on topic after Fang's rude interruptions.

You have a few choices here.
He doesn't understand, in which case you need to make him understand. You know your OH so hopefully you'll know the best way to do this. Talking, being blunt, subtle hints, put it in writing etc. Write out not just a list of bills and income, but also a list of household chores and who contributes what.

Or he won't understand, in which case why not? Is it because he doesn't want to, or because he's never been in this position before? If he's not been in this position before then you need to give him a bit of leeway (only as much as you can afford!) to get his head around all these changes, and to understand that there's more to this relationship than bills and money. Maybe you can start doing things together that don't cost money - go to the park for a picnic, go for a nice walk etc.

Or he doesn't care. And there's one simple answer to this one.

If you love him and he loves you (more than his money), then you need to find a way to make this work. Just don't nag, men switch off when women nag!

I have. You haven't. Goodbye.;)

Edit: You're making yourself look very silly by using another account to attack me. Why don't you stick to your usual account for that?

74jax

RAS wrote: »

74jax

is £350 half you bills?

That means that you bils total £700. What is included in that amount?

This is for all household bills, mortgage, insurance, council tax, gas, electricity, water, bt, internet, tv, errrrrr basically everything and anything i've missed off sorry.

sandraroffey wrote: »

£70 a month for food?? who is he kidding?? sounds like you are being used as a cheap rental opportunity and he isnt treating this as a shared committed partnership. percentage and hours shouldnt even come into it. and what will happen to the rent when he does (and he will!!) rent out of the other property??

get rid. he is taking the p*s*. big time. sounds like a spoilt middle aged man.

He gave me £100 for the first month, then when I said the food money was running out the following month he transfered me £70. I used to spend £30 a week on food and petrol for my daughter and so £120 to food each month still. He has said if I need more money then i have to ask for it. The problem is I hate asking him for money, it makes me feel 'little'. He knows this but I guess there is no way round it. When i ask him for money he 'forgets' too so I have to keep reminding him. The first month he moved in I don't think I got his £350 until maybe the 2nd or 3rd week as I just didn't like to keep reminding him, it is just him though, he forgets.

minimoneysaver wrote: »

So this man, who supposedly loves you is willing to see you struggle financially, go without and get into debt?! I've been there before. All I can say is I wouldn't let the situation stay as it is. You really need to sit down and think about it seriously. This isn't a relationship. A relationship is a partnership... two people who work together. That is not what you have.

I don't think it's deliberate, he has just never struggled with money, and so doesn't see it as an issue. Where everyday for as long as I can remember i have had to budget and save for myself and my daughter. I'm proud of what i've achieved and my daughter is a happy secure girl who has had a secure environment around her, despite myself and her dad splitting up. I have always worked and provided for her, and going down to 18 hours hit me hard. Even harden obviously when he moved in, and I am proud but just needed some extra help to get by. It wasn't because I moved him in to see what I could get. I just thought he'd react differently.

mrbrightside842

Start doing him cheap beans on toast for his tea.

74jax

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Why do you say he pays half YOUR bills rather than THE bills? also, 140.00 per month for food for 3 people - is he joking?

Sorry I mean household bills, not MY bills. I think because it was just my house for so long i've got into saying my bills. MY bills like my mobile and car tax, car insurance etc. I pay out of what's left - or rather it's now going on my mastercard.

He pays £70 towards his food, not mine or my daughters, I cover that. I put around £120 into a 'food' account, and add what he gives me.

Oldernotwiser

What about your social life - does he take you out or does he make you go halves on this as well?

RAS

74jax wrote: »

This is for all household bills, mortgage, insurance, council tax, gas, electricity, water, bt, internet, tv, errrrrr basically everything and anything i've missed off sorry.

I assume you have based this on the cost of two people, not three, including one who is not used to limiting their use of utilties?

Got to go now.

Oldernotwiser

74jax wrote: »

Sorry I mean household bills, not MY bills. I think because it was just my house for so long i've got into saying my bills. MY bills like my mobile and car tax, car insurance etc. I pay out of what's left - or rather it's now going on my mastercard.

He pays £70 towards his food, not mine or my daughters, I cover that. I put around £120 into a 'food' account, and add what he gives me.

I knew you didn't mean your personal bills but I thought the use of the word "my" in this context was rather telling.

Why doesn't he pay half the food bills as well?

GEEGEE8

You need a serious talk about this, it sounds very unfair on you to have to put money on your credit card whilst he can save £1000 a month.

I understand he works full time, but in effect you probably do too, with the household chores and cooking for him.

I think he is being very unfair on you, especially after 5 years together.