Help seeing a male's point of view?

sandraroffey

£70 a month for food?? who is he kidding?? sounds like you are being used as a cheap rental opportunity and he isnt treating this as a shared committed partnership. percentage and hours shouldnt even come into it. and what will happen to the rent when he does (and he will!!) rent out of the other property??

get rid. he is taking the p*s*. big time. sounds like a spoilt middle aged man.

minimoneysaver

So this man, who supposedly loves you is willing to see you struggle financially, go without and get into debt?! I've been there before. All I can say is I wouldn't let the situation stay as it is. You really need to sit down and think about it seriously. This isn't a relationship. A relationship is a partnership... two people who work together. That is not what you have.

Fang_3

hngrymummy wrote: »

Relationships should be 100:100. You give what you can to it.

If he sees her struggling he should help her out. Just like if she sees him struggling she should help him out. The fact that he's not prepared to help her out is worrying. It may just be that he's never been in a long-term relationship like this before and doesn't understand.

Living together is about more than just money. It includes cooking, cleaning, housework etc. He contributes more of one and you contribute more of the other. If you were working full time and him part time I'd expect it to be the other way around.

If he wants you to contribute 50% to the bills then start charging him for cooking and cleaning and ironing (our launderette is around £1 per shirt to iron).

Then you get 200 and that's just not helpful.

I agree, but I think you've missed the point of this thread. The OP was asking for a male perspective that she might not get so she could better understand where her OH is coming from.

It's not a "Is this right?" thread.

ali-t

Fang wrote: »

She asked for a male's point of view. As a penis-carrying member of the club, I am giving the point of view.

I had assumed you were female Fang, I shall now have to read your posts in a different light!

hngrymummy

No Fang, I didn't miss the point.

If you notice I suggested that maybe he's not used to this kind of relationship. And she needs to point out to him that the relationship is about more than money.

Also, if people only give 50 to a relationship, where's the other 50 going? 50:50 only makes 100, and as there are 2 people there should be 200.

but I know there's no point in trying to make you understand a different point of view, as you consider yourself to be always in the right.

Wilma33

74jax wrote: »

He had his own flat, bought outright so no mortgage and is looking to rent it out, but he will pay 40% tax on any rent so isn't sure what to do at the moment.

I would tell him to move back into his flat!

Seriously, if you have sat him down and explained the situation to him and he still refuses to help you out then you need to show him the door!

swiss69

Male here...I agree that he should be paying more if he wants to live with you. You mention that the household income is £50,000 of which you earn £6100. That means he earns £44,000 which is much more monthly than £2000.

Even if he gave you the extra £250 to bring you back to where you were pre moving in then that together with the food money (£70 for a month! where does he shop poundland?) would still lleave him well over a grand a month.

You need to tell him though because clearly you cant go on building a mastercard debt.

He sounds a bit tight to me.

Fang_3

hngrymummy wrote: »

No Fang, I didn't miss the point.

If you notice I suggested that maybe he's not used to this kind of relationship. And she needs to point out to him that the relationship is about more than money.

Also, if people only give 50 to a relationship, where's the other 50 going? 50:50 only makes 100, and as there are 2 people there should be 200.

but I know there's no point in trying to make you understand a different point of view, as you consider yourself to be always in the right.

I am right. You don't even have the mental capacity to understand the concept of percentages, so trying to get you to understand anything else is going to be far too much for me.

I wonder how long you've been male for, as that was the OP's target audience for this thread.;)

Fang_3

swiss69 wrote: »

Male here...I agree that he should be paying more if he wants to live with you. You mention that the household income is £50,000 of which you earn £6100. That means he earns £44,000 which is much more monthly than £2000.

Even if he gave you the extra £250 to bring you back to where you were pre moving in then that together with the food money (£70 for a month! where does he shop poundland?) would still lleave him well over a grand a month.

You need to tell him though because clearly you cant go on building a mastercard debt.

He sounds a bit tight to me.

The extra could be from the CSA payments?

hngrymummy

Fang wrote: »

I am right. You don't even have the mental capacity to understand the concept of percentages, so trying to get you to understand anything else is going to be far too much for me.

I wonder how long you've been male for, as that was the OP's target audience for this thread.;)

Ahhhh, I see. Only men can understand men. Gotcha. No wonder so many people are confused by your rudeness. I shall bear that in mind when you misunderstand people's posts and are unaccountably rude to people who don't share your 'unique' point of view. Being a man you can't possibly understand how a woman thinks, so I assume you'll be refaining from posting on any threads started by a woman?

I do understand percentages, but I also understand healthy relationships, and I know which is more important to me. Each person should give 100% of themselves to the relationship, not just 50%. I was trying to make that point, however, your obtuseness has failed to allow you to see that. I always thought you were just blunt, but now I see. Never mind, better luck next time eh??