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Help seeing a male's point of view?
Comments
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Is £350 all that he pays? Or does he pay half the bills in addition to that?
Because if he has a home that comes complete with maid and cook, for £350 all in - bargain! :rotfl:0 -
Previously I got £501 tax credits, he pays me £350.00 so I have that difference to make up, also my Council has increased by £100.
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He doesn't provide me with a lifestyle that I wouldn't have without him, as if he lived in his own place I would be around £200 better off.
Only you know whether he is being mean or is unaware. I would suggest going to the SoA calculator used by the Debt Free Wannabe's http://www.makesenseofcards.co.uk/soacalc.html and filling it in twice - once for before and once for after. Then show him the results.Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure - MSE ForumTeam0 -
So your salary has dropped from £1250 to £750/month, and although your bills have halved, your council tax has increased £100/month. No wonder you're struggling!!
Was he paying rent elsewhere before he moved in? And CT on his own? And all bills? I'm guessing he might have had an increase in income!!
I'd say that the two of you need to sit down and discuss MONEY! It's one of the things that breaks up a lot of relationships if you're not upfront and honest. Go though your previous household expenses BEFORE he moved in, then show the after. Lay it out nicely on a spreadsheet. Then get him to do the same i.e. what he was paying before, and what he's paying now.
Perhaps he'll then see it from your point of view!Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
Do you do most of the housework? I work part time and OH works full time (I have older children but still feel it's good to be around when they get home from school) but part of the deal is that I do more housework and homestuff (including DIY). I'm also the moneysaver.
I do all the housework, I like to be for my daughter too as she's not old enough at the moment to be left every night for 2 hours.
It's not by choice I work 18 hours, I have always worked for more but I just took the first job to have an income.
I don't want it to be a fight between who pays what. I just thought we live together now after 5 years he should know I'm not after his money. I'm not after money to go out with or to buy new clothes, I'm putting food and petrol to get tow ork on my mastercard, a new tyre as I got a flat etc. just the things that crop up from time to time and hit you when you're already overdrawn. I just thought if a partner has surplus money, you're commited to each other then you help out when times are tough. In 5 years, I've never asked and I guess I am peeved that at the time its worse i've been made to feel as though I'm out for what i can get. He even said did I think he was a push-over, which just isn't the case at all.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Right. So, half the mortgage + half the bills is less than you were previously receiving in tax credits + council tax rebate, therefore making you worse off now. If he's not willing to pay in a bigger percentage, then there are only 2 options for you as far as I can see:
1/ increase working hours
2/ go back to living alone
You need a serious talk with him.0 -
he may already think he is paying enough, not understanding your problems, so as suggested write it all down if you need to, but just talk to him properly about it.
if i was earning say 3x more than you, id expect to pay 3x more my share of everything.
im married btw, and we keep separate finances, its easier to not get muddled that way if your a stickler for the pennies, like me!Target Savings by end 2009: 20,000
current savings: 20,500 (target hit yippee!)
Debts: 8000 (student loan so doesnt count)
new target savings by Feb 2010: 30,0000 -
I wouldn't build up debt over a man, particularly one I had been seeing for 5 years. Why did he move in? Doesn't sound like a loving relationship?
To be honest I think you can do better. (Nb it's not the amount of money so much as the apparent lack of communication / lack of commitment to longterm happiness of you and DD):heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0 -
Is £350 all that he pays? Or does he pay half the bills in addition to that?
Because if he has a home that comes complete with maid and cook, for £350 all in - bargain! :rotfl:
£350 is half my bills. He also pays half the food, but that obviously varies. He gave me £70 this month for food.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
He wanted a mother + sex.... and more money in his pocket for beer.
You're not meeting his expectations.0 -
So he's paying £350, and that's his bills paid aswell as his food paid for and cooked, and his laundry done? I think I'd put him out now! It wouldn't really matter so much as the money, I couldn't live with someone who was prepared to see me struggle when I'd be better off without him. If it came to him either paying you more, or moving back into his house, what would he choose? Give him that choice!0
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