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Help seeing a male's point of view?

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Comments

  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 36,128 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    OP's total income including CSA payments is £9,000.

    If household income is £50,000, then partner earns nearer £3,500 per month which is why renting out his property would involve paying higher rate Income tax.
    If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing
  • FATBALLZ
    FATBALLZ Posts: 5,146 Forumite
    I'm a man and it was a long time before the 5 year mark where me and my partner started structuring our finances, childcare and working arrangements as a team. If you'd only been going out 6 weeks he might have a point, but at 5 years, this just sounds like a nonsense.
  • Fang_3
    Fang_3 Posts: 7,602 Forumite
    hngrymummy wrote: »
    Ahhhh, I see. Only men can understand men. Gotcha. No wonder so many people are confused by your rudeness. I shall bear that in mind when you misunderstand people's posts and are unaccountably rude to people who don't share your 'unique' point of view. Being a man you can't possibly understand how a woman thinks, so I assume you'll be refaining from posting on any threads started by a woman?

    I do understand percentages, but I also understand healthy relationships, and I know which is more important to me. Each person should give 100% of themselves to the relationship, not just 50%. I was trying to make that point, however, your obtuseness has failed to allow you to see that. I always thought you were just blunt, but now I see. Never mind, better luck next time eh??

    When the OP specifically asks for a female perspective then I won't answer. I have not said that only men can understand men, the OP has asked for men to comment. Not you.

    You clearly do not understand percentages, because if you did you would understand that while one person is 100% of one person, they are only 50% of a couple. The other 50% being the other person in case you're having trouble keeping up.

    So while a person can give 100% of themselves to a relationship, they cannot contribute 100% of the relationship.;)

    I hope you don't teach your children maths.
  • JodyBPM
    JodyBPM Posts: 1,404 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I think I'd look at this slightly differently.

    I'd pool everythin first, then I'd look at how much money each of you had each month after bills BEFORE you moved in together. Then give yourselves that much each as day to day living money. Putting you in exactly the same day to day situation as before you were living together.

    Then, take all the bills out of the pot.

    Then, I would split the remainer, either on income % or hours worked - I can see either working, and that is your "extra money" for savings, treats, holidays etc.

    Obviously, this will only work if their is surplus after bills and spends, but I would imagine there would be given the figures quoted.
  • cheepskate_2
    cheepskate_2 Posts: 1,669 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    74jax wrote: »
    He knows that him moving in is making me more and more in debt each month with no means of paying it off as obviously each month I go further in debt.

    ..........

    This in itself should be ringing alarm bells to you.

    A partner of 5 years now a live in partner thinks that is is ok for you to go into debt, when i assume you were managing before and have told him that.

    How and when does he think you will pay this debt off.

    You have to SOON , as in tonight , sit him down and show him what you earnt(all money comming into house ) , what you payed out and what you were left with, before he moved in. Then do it for after he moved in .

    If after this he still sees it as 50/50 split , then get rid of him.

    It may be that it is just figures to him and hes not really thinking it through, or that maybe due to embarrasment you didnt put it on the line so clearly ,but by showing him it clearly there can be no missunderstanding.

    Good Luck
  • Fang_3
    Fang_3 Posts: 7,602 Forumite
    cheepskate wrote: »
    This in itself should be ringing alarm bells to you.

    A partner of 5 years now a live in partner thinks that is is ok for you to go into debt, when i assume you were managing before and have told him that.

    How and when does he think you will pay this debt off.

    You have to SOON , as in tonight , sit him down and show him what you earnt(all money comming into house ) , what you payed out and what you were left with, before he moved in. Then do it for after he moved in .

    If after this he still sees it as 50/50 split , then get rid of him.

    It may be that it is just figures to him and hes not really thinking it through, or that maybe due to embarrasment you didnt put it on the line so clearly ,but by showing him it clearly there can be no missunderstanding.

    Good Luck

    He might think that she will easily be able to clear the extra £100 a month when she goes back to working full time asap?
  • pinknfluffy0
    pinknfluffy0 Posts: 388 Forumite
    Fang wrote: »
    He might think that she will easily be able to clear the extra £100 a month when she goes back to working full time asap?


    But the fact he is OK with her getting in to debt until she finds one says a lot about him.
  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 36,128 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    What extra £100?

    74jax has lost £510 income and has additional CT of £130 to pay out before taking into account any extra utility costs. Doubt if £70 cover food for the month either.

    More like £750 per month deficit in lost income and additional expense.
    If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing
  • Fang_3
    Fang_3 Posts: 7,602 Forumite
    But the fact he is OK with her getting in to debt until she finds one says a lot about him.

    I agree. I don't agree with him, but I'm trying to put myself in his situation and see what he might think about it all.
  • hngrymummy
    hngrymummy Posts: 955 Forumite
    Fang, please stop hijacking people's threads in order to be rude to other posters (yes, I have noticed you do it an awful lot, and it's not fair on the OPs for you to be so silly all the time). Please stick to the question in point. Which is basically 'Why is he thinking that I can afford this and why does he think I'm just after his money?"

    OP, back on topic after Fang's rude interruptions.

    You have a few choices here.
    He doesn't understand, in which case you need to make him understand. You know your OH so hopefully you'll know the best way to do this. Talking, being blunt, subtle hints, put it in writing etc. Write out not just a list of bills and income, but also a list of household chores and who contributes what.

    Or he won't understand, in which case why not? Is it because he doesn't want to, or because he's never been in this position before? If he's not been in this position before then you need to give him a bit of leeway (only as much as you can afford!) to get his head around all these changes, and to understand that there's more to this relationship than bills and money. Maybe you can start doing things together that don't cost money - go to the park for a picnic, go for a nice walk etc.

    Or he doesn't care. And there's one simple answer to this one.

    If you love him and he loves you (more than his money), then you need to find a way to make this work. Just don't nag, men switch off when women nag!
    If having different experiences, thoughts and ideas to you, or having an opinion that you don't understand, makes me a troll, then I am proud to be a 100% crying, talking, sleeping, walking, living Troll. :hello:
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