Help seeing a male's point of view?

74jax

Fang wrote: »

How much do you pay? Previously you would have had the 25% single person discount? So if anything he would be paying 50% and so you would have a further 25% discount?

It was £13, now £130.

Where is the money going though? If you've halved your bills, then the money that you're spending extra must be going somewhere? Where?

I earn £400 and get £300 CSA, I used to also get £501 tax credits, so I'm not sure where you mean where is my extra going?

You may know that, but to him it may seem that way. You get him to move in, you work fewer hours and now you want him to pay even more money to allow you to do this. That's how he may see it, and that's not a nice thing to have happen.

i've worked these hours since January when i was made redundant, he moved in 2 months ago.

But that's not the point and it's easy for you to say that now, but that's not the issue. The problem is that you've gone into this with a 50:50 relationship and now you're expecting him to subsidize you to work less than him. That's the issue at hand.

Yes i know we agreed 50/50 but it was with a view to see how things went. I never wanted to ask him for more money so didn't, but it's got to the point of I had to or ask him to move out. I thought I'd ask him rather than have that happen. i guess you're right and maybe I should have admitted I aagreed to 50/50.

Unless you're paying 2/3rds of the bills, then he is providing for your daughter. There are three people living in the home and he's paying 50%. You now want him to pay more. Is your child's father paying anything? He may have a problem with that for whatever reason?

Sorry yes, my income of £750, is wage of £400 and £350 CSA. I didn't make that clear.

Fang_3

RAS wrote: »

74ajax

Igore Fang. Yet again has got the wrong end of the stick.

She asked for a male's point of view. As a penis-carrying member of the club, I am giving the point of view.

Though it amuses me no end how often you follow me around.;)

Soubrette

The thing is a relationship is about being equals within a team - it's not fair if someone is making money and someone is losing money because they've moved in together.

You've got to talk to him and no, you are not being unfair.

Fang_3

74jax wrote: »

Sorry yes, my income of £750, is wage of £400 and £350 CSA. I didn't make that clear.

Then you need to sit down with him and go through the bills and ask him once he understands your situation.

My thought would be that if you don't do this he might think that you were just after his money.

DON79

he does sound a bit stingy with his money, show him the figures and if he still doesn't see how you are worse off since he moved in then - sorry but show him the door, after all, he won't be homeless since he has his own flat which is mortgage free.

I don't agree as well about this thing about working the same hours before percentages apply - my hubby works more hours than me and obviously earns more - he works 37 and i work 12 - but if we split the bills completely 50/50 - I would have nothing at all so what would be the point of me working? our bills are probably more like 70/30 at the moment (maybe 60/40 some months). I have the kids the rest of the time and do housework but he still helps me with housework too.

Sounds more to me like you are getting the worse end of the deal. sorry.

JaneRN

I'd move in for £350 per month and rent my place out - especially if you're going to do all my washing and ironing and have my tea ready when I get home from work.
Seriously he sounds so inconsiderate, knowing you've got no money and expecting you to go into debt to accomodate him. I'd have all the facts and figures and present them to him on paper so he can look over it. If this still doesn't make him understand the predicament you're in, then he needs to go. As you said if roles where reversed you'd support him and this is what a partnership is supposed to be about.
Can I ask - who's idea was it you moved in together? Just curious if he felt you were putting pressure on him and this is his way of making it uncomfortable so you'll be glad to see the back of him.

hngrymummy

Fang wrote: »

But that's not the point and it's easy for you to say that now, but that's not the issue. The problem is that you've gone into this with a 50:50 relationship and now you're expecting him to subsidize you to work less than him. That's the issue at hand.

Relationships should be 100:100. You give what you can to it.

If he sees her struggling he should help her out. Just like if she sees him struggling she should help him out. The fact that he's not prepared to help her out is worrying. It may just be that he's never been in a long-term relationship like this before and doesn't understand.

Living together is about more than just money. It includes cooking, cleaning, housework etc. He contributes more of one and you contribute more of the other. If you were working full time and him part time I'd expect it to be the other way around.

If he wants you to contribute 50% to the bills then start charging him for cooking and cleaning and ironing (our launderette is around £1 per shirt to iron).

Minxy_Bella

My question to the OP would be - what's the point of him?

A relationship should enhance your life, not make it harder. He sounds like a right meanie to me - I'd boot him out!

pinknfluffy0

From reading through this it does sound like he is being unfair.
Relationships are about being a team, not making the other go into debt

RAS

74jax

is £350 half you bills?

That means that you bils total £700. What is included in that amount?