Help seeing a male's point of view?

RadoJo

Have you put it this plainly to him, that him moving in has reduced your income to a point where his contribution still leaves you out of pocket? How likely is it that your income from work will increase in the near future? You said you went for a full time job where you work - when will you hear about that? Are you doing what you can to maximise your income on the two days a week you aren't working? Maybe his POV is that you could be earning more on those two days, but either way, I think he's being a little blinkered about the position you two are in.

Starrystarrynight

My OH moved in with me and gives me just under half of the monthly outgoings, but he also puts petrol in my car. I don't use much, but it helps. It works out well for us, but I'm sure he would be mortified to see me getting myself into debt or struggling if it ever came to that situation. And vice versa.
Have you asked your OH for just a bit more each month, not proportions, maybe just an extra £100 or so, until you get yourself sorted.
He sounds a bit mean to me :-(

74jax

Dave101t wrote: »

he may already think he is paying enough, not understanding your problems, so as suggested write it all down if you need to, but just talk to him properly about it.
if i was earning say 3x more than you, id expect to pay 3x more my share of everything.
im married btw, and we keep separate finances, its easier to not get muddled that way if your a stickler for the pennies, like me!

This is what I've suggested, but he thinks it inly works paying a percentage when you both work the same hours.

I am going full time but don't know when, but that doesn't alter the problem i have that I'm struggling and asked for help and have been made to feel i think he's a push-over.

i need to know that if in future anything should happen then I can ask him for financial help.

I just wanted another male view as I know I can sometimes just see my side.

DVardysShadow

74jax wrote: »

.... He even said did I think he was a push-over, which just isn't the case at all.

If he does not comprehend once you show him the figures, perhaps he should be a push out.

Fang_3

74jax wrote: »

Previously I got £501 tax credits, he pays me £350.00 so I have that difference to make up, also my Council has increased by £100.

How much do you pay? Previously you would have had the 25% single person discount? So if anything he would be paying 50% and so you would have a further 25% discount?

74jax wrote: »

I'm currently putting around £100 a month on mastercard which I guess is the difference from tax credits to what i'm getting now.

Where is the money going though? If you've halved your bills, then the money that you're spending extra must be going somewhere? Where?

74jax wrote: »

Unfortunately I'm not choosing to work 18 hours over more hours. I worked 30 hours a week but was made redundant, so I basically took the first job I could (rightly or wrongly but I think I paniced as I've never not worked before) and so ended up with an 18 hour job rather than none.

You may know that, but to him it may seem that way. You get him to move in, you work fewer hours and now you want him to pay even more money to allow you to do this. That's how he may see it, and that's not a nice thing to have happen.

74jax wrote: »

I see what you mean, but I would still stand by the fact I would support him if he was made redundant and/or had to reduce his hours.

But that's not the point and it's easy for you to say that now, but that's not the issue. The problem is that you've gone into this with a 50:50 relationship and now you're expecting him to subsidize you to work less than him. That's the issue at hand.

74jax wrote: »

I would also say he doesn't provide for my daughter, I do all of that, he just pays half the bills for him living here. He doesn't provide me with a lifestyle that I wouldn't have without him, as if he lived in his own place I would be around £200 better off.

Unless you're paying 2/3rds of the bills, then he is providing for your daughter. There are three people living in the home and he's paying 50%. You now want him to pay more. Is your child's father paying anything? He may have a problem with that for whatever reason?

74jax

RadoJo wrote: »

Have you put it this plainly to him, that him moving in has reduced your income to a point where his contribution still leaves you out of pocket? How likely is it that your income from work will increase in the near future? You said you went for a full time job where you work - when will you hear about that? Are you doing what you can to maximise your income on the two days a week you aren't working? Maybe his POV is that you could be earning more on those two days, but either way, I think he's being a little blinkered about the position you two are in.

He knows that him moving in is making me more and more in debt each month with no means of paying it off as obviously each month I go further in debt.

He has no mortgage on his appartment and can save approx 1k a month, all i wanted was a little help for a few months until I was able to go full time.

I did joke it's not often you move youre bloke in and you're so worse off you have to double your hours..........

Fang_3

74jax wrote: »

I do all the housework, I like to be for my daughter too as she's not old enough at the moment to be left every night for 2 hours.

It's not by choice I work 18 hours, I have always worked for more but I just took the first job to have an income.

I don't want it to be a fight between who pays what. I just thought we live together now after 5 years he should know I'm not after his money. I'm not after money to go out with or to buy new clothes, I'm putting food and petrol to get tow ork on my mastercard, a new tyre as I got a flat etc. just the things that crop up from time to time and hit you when you're already overdrawn. I just thought if a partner has surplus money, you're commited to each other then you help out when times are tough. In 5 years, I've never asked and I guess I am peeved that at the time its worse i've been made to feel as though I'm out for what i can get. He even said did I think he was a push-over, which just isn't the case at all.

But if you see it from his point of view - you might think he should know that you're not after his money, but as soon as he moves in, you want more? Can you see how that would come across to him?

RAS

74jax

Igore Fang. Yet again has got the wrong end of the stick.

whitewing

I still don't really understand why he moved in? It doesn't sound like it was particularly discussed??

Fang_3

74jax wrote: »

He knows that him moving in is making me more and more in debt each month with no means of paying it off as obviously each month I go further in debt.

He has no mortgage on his appartment and can save approx 1k a month, all i wanted was a little help for a few months until I was able to go full time.

I did joke it's not often you move youre bloke in and you're so worse off you have to double your hours..........

Have you sat down with him and gone through how much you're out of pocket each month? Or have you just said: "I need more money from you. 50% isn't enough."?