Help seeing a male's point of view?

mikey72

julie03 wrote: »

i asked my hubbie for his point of view and he said he should pay you at least what you lost if not more, and on a standing order so it gets to you on time but he also said a relationship is a partnership and this honestly doesnt sound like one.

I don't think it's a male point of view question. (despite the title)
I'd be posting the same if the op was a man asking about his girlfriend.

mikey72

JaneRN wrote: »

74jax - you've asked a question that I believe has been answered unanimously, and the concensus is that your boy friend is unreasonable. Can I ask you, now you have the answer sought, what you intend to do about your situation?
As others have said, you've jumped to your boyfriends defence and I would ask the question I asked earlier about whos idea it was to move in together?

Hopefully nothing yet, the thread is only 5 hours old, and it requires more time than that to decide what to do.
Weeks maybe.

Mrs_justjohn

mikey72 wrote: »

I don't think it's a male point of view question. (despite the title)
I'd be posting the same if the op was a man asking about his girlfriend.

Completely agree.....it is not a male / female thing.....It is a common sense / partnership thing

DVardysShadow

JaneRN wrote: »

74jax - you've asked a question that I believe has been answered unanimously, and the concensus is that your boy friend is unreasonable. Can I ask you, now you have the answer sought, what you intend to do about your situation?
As others have said, you've jumped to your boyfriends defence and I would ask the question I asked earlier about whos idea it was to move in together?

Ah, the toyboy question! If is a yes, then ignore all answers so far.

Oldernotwiser

justjohn wrote: »

74jax

Can i ask out of curiousity are you mid 30's and BF is mid/early 20s?

just ignore if you think rude.

"I'm 35 and my only daughter is almost 12."

Earlier posting.

Mrs_justjohn

Just think what example is being set to the 12 year old daughter.....this is not the sort of relationship I would want any daughter of mine to see as 'normal'.

I think OP needs to ask herself that if her daughter came to her in 10 years time with this problem - what advise she would give her? If it is not the sort of relationship that she would want for her daughter then why is she putting up with it?

Money_maker

74jax wrote: »

He pays for his food, not mine and my daughters.



No, not really. I can't remember the last time he suggested that. If I said let's go out, then I would pay as I had suggested it - but haven't recently obviously as have no money. But he would never say let's go to he cinema or out for a nice meal.

He would however buy a takeaway, bottle of wine etc and flowers every now and again.



Sorry I wasn't meaning to annoy people, just get anothe rpoint of view on the proportioning bills.

Just had a sort of skim read.

To summarise,
He knows you are racking up a credit card debt whilst he saves a grand a month.
He has expensive hobbies which take him out of the home at times when not working.
You do all the housework etc. and provide a meal every day (on a plate to be reheated, not eating together).
You are seriously down on income since he moved in.
He doesn't take you out - ever?

Come on, OP - what on earth does he contribute to your home or life? How have you benefitted through him moving in? Does he make any effort to communicate with your daughter (part of the package he has taken on)?

In other words - WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS?

Mrs_justjohn

74jax wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable that I think he should support me if we both live together?. I have said should anything happen with his work etc i would be more than prepared to support him as i believe that's what couples do. He says we're not married so it doesn't work like that now.

I have just noticed this bit in the OP's post......in particular the last sentence. So if they were to get married his views would change?? I think not!

I am sorry but he is more interested in protecting his a$$ financially and ensuring his security, than he is in stabilising the families finances and security.

If OP were to suggest marriage to him I wonder whether you would see him for dust....

BallandChain

I'd tell him to go fly a kite.

elisebutt65

Why don't you suggest a joint account for the household bills and take it from there - You each contribute according to income - i.e - 1/3 you and 2/3s him. It's nothing to do with hours worked, especially as you have a full time job cleaning and clearing up for the household whilst he goes off and kitesurfs.

What do you do as a family at the weekends btw - does he just bogoff and leave you to it?? Doesn't sound much fun to me??

Even my fiancee offers to help out if he thinks I'm getting into trouble with money and he doesn't live with me! I haven't taken him up cos I manage(just).