Help seeing a male's point of view?

Mrs_justjohn

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Well, all I can say is I hope he's bloody good in bed because I can't see what else he's bringing to the relationship!

Well even if he was I am afraid I wouldn't sacrifice my financial stability, my pride, my daughters upbring and security just for a good $h*g when he can fit me in between kite boarding:(

skintchick

This isn;t about money, deep down, it is about whether you guys are in a relationship that works for both of you and is comitted and clearly it isn;t. The people who've said he's like alodger are right - why are you paying for your food and he is paying for his? Why isn;t this being worked out like a proper family? Why are you letting him treat you like a prostitute that HE DOESN;T EVEN PAY FOR?!?!

Sorry but this man is a waste of space. He is using you for sex and your daughter deserves a better example of what relationships look like. Ship him out and get a decen bloke who will love both you and her properly and treat you well.

how old is he by the way? If he is older than 19 then he needs to seriously grow up.

Oldernotwiser

Fang wrote: »

He probably would, actually. He has a mortgage free flat, so he probably would be better off.

You're not taking into account the money he can make by letting out his flat as he no longer lives there.

nikki&asha

Wow he sounds like a catch!

Out of interest this £300 CSA money means he will not/does not contribute anything towards your daughter even though he is living in your family and with all the benefits that has??

He does realise that by living in your household, that any help your household and your daughter will be means tested to HIS income along with yours? Not just the benefits you have lost which has put paid to you both getting a holiday or any treats etc What happens if she wants music lessons (on your own you may get help to pay) or go on a school trip (sometimes reduced for people on low incomes) or when she gets assessed for student finance when she is at uni? She/you won't get it based on her fathers income but HIS - So he needs to act like a man and use his income to provide properly for his FAMILY.

Sorry but I think that you are the pushover - and I was in the same situation - 5 years of having 2 children instead of 1 to care for and a £3500 debt and I finally got rid of the user.

Fang_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You're not taking into account the money he can make by letting out his flat as he no longer lives there.

Which he's not decided to do yet, so there's no point in counting it.

minimoneysaver

All I can see from the OP are many excuses as to why she shouldn't get rid of this man, who is clearly no good for OP or her DD. DD needs to be brought up in a loving, caring environment. Money shouldn't be so much of an issue over 5 years into a relationship. Where do you see this going?

ecgirl07

74jax wrote: »

But of he lived in his appartment he'd be paying less. He doesn't have a mortgage or have to pay for heating as it's so well insulated. Really all he paid for was his tv and internet. So in a way he is also worse off living with me, which I think is why we decided on a 50/50 split.

Dont underestimate his previous bills:

council tax
tv license
phone/satellite tv
home insurance
gas electricity
mobile phone
car?Insurane?
life insurance?
daily living costs etc

he would have had more than tv and internet. Fair enough he has worked for his money but you can not afford to live with him if it is getting you in debt and im sorry but what kind of partner would think that was tolerable to happen to their partner?

Re your night out with work he should be ensuring you have enough money to go and offering to babysit so you can. As people have posted i hope he brings more to this relationship as the money arrangement seems to indicate he is not fully committed to being your equal.

julie03

i asked my hubbie for his point of view and he said he should pay you at least what you lost if not more, and on a standing order so it gets to you on time but he also said a relationship is a partnership and this honestly doesnt sound like one.

JaneRN

74jax - you've asked a question that I believe has been answered unanimously, and the concensus is that your boy friend is unreasonable. Can I ask you, now you have the answer sought, what you intend to do about your situation?
As others have said, you've jumped to your boyfriends defence and I would ask the question I asked earlier about whos idea it was to move in together?

justjohn

74jax

Can i ask out of curiousity are you mid 30's and BF is mid/early 20s?

just ignore if you think rude.