Help seeing a male's point of view?

justjohn

74jax wrote: »

But of he lived in his appartment he'd be paying less. He doesn't have a mortgage or have to pay for heating as it's so well insulated. Really all he paid for was his tv and internet. So in a way he is also worse off living with me, which I think is why we decided on a 50/50 split.

no he is selfish and is taking as much as he can get away with.

You do not see you partner struggle while you can help. Thats not what a relationship is. Partners/relationship is built on trust/sharing and love.

Your partner is there to help/make life easier. A partner does not see you suffer in any shape or form.

What would happen if god forbid you could not work for whatever reason. Would he let your debt spirral out of controll even quicker.

The guys attitude stinks and i cannot believe you have been together 5 years and there have not been tell tale signs of self centred attitudes from him.

Zazen999

74jax wrote: »

He pays for his food, I pay for mine and my daughters. I get CSA and don't expect him to have to contribute to anything for her.

Very telling.....you aren't a family; you have a lodger that you are sleeping with who doesn't even help you break even.

74jax

onlyroz wrote: »

Presumably he's eating half the food as well?

He pays for his food, not mine and my daughters.

gwhizz75 wrote: »

Can I just ask, does he ever take you out for meals or trips to the cinema? Does he ever treat you?

No, not really. I can't remember the last time he suggested that. If I said let's go out, then I would pay as I had suggested it - but haven't recently obviously as have no money. But he would never say let's go to he cinema or out for a nice meal.

He would however buy a takeaway, bottle of wine etc and flowers every now and again.

Mrs_justjohn wrote: »

This thread is annoying me so much......

Sorry I wasn't meaning to annoy people, just get anothe rpoint of view on the proportioning bills.

jakem_2

skypie123 wrote: »

he is in a yacht and you are in a dinghy!
!

I like that interpition, must write that down.

mikey72

I must admit, I usually appear to rally to the bloke in most of these threads, and criticise other posters for advising splitting up.
However, in this case living apart obviously worked, and together doesn't.
So I'm not suggesting dumping him, but maybe he needs more time to accept that a family is different from living alone, and possibly moving back out for a while may be the best way the relationship works.
Either that or he needs to accept he has to pay enough so that you can cover the bills, and still have a reasonable amount of money left for you and your daughter, percentages don't come into it.

Mrs_justjohn

Zazen999 wrote: »

Very telling.....you aren't a family; you have a lodger that you are sleeping with who doesn't even help you break even.

Yes agree with that statement...it sounds like a flat share arrangement with you each paying for your own food...this is not a relationship....clearly you would like it to be but I don't believe he is as commited....

I also believe he will NEVER accept and take responsibility for your child and for me that would be a deal breaker BEFORE the financial issues.

justjohn

I am self-employed when i first moved in with my partner i gave her lump sums. Then when things got settled i gave her my pin for my account. She said "but i want my own money". I said "but it is your money".because i would and do give my partner everything including my love. We now have joint A/C's she just takes what she wants and is now also self employed with me.(that was within a year of being together)

I even gave her a few 100 when we were not living together. On her 2 childrens b/days i also sent money to her for the kids.

BTW i knew my misus 2 years before we lived together and we were 300 miles away from each other communicating over then net.

JaneRN

Just had a thought - as his place is all paid for and costs little to heat etc why don't you and your daughter move in there with him? You can then just pay half of what he was paying.

Mrs_justjohn

74jax wrote: »

Sorry I wasn't meaning to annoy people, just get anothe rpoint of view on the proportioning bills.

OP - It is not you that is annoying me - it is the injustice of the situation you are in.....I think you have to face up to the possibilty that your partner is selfish and self centred and from some of your posts you seem to have been 'brainwashed' into thinking that he is behaving reasonably.....

If I thought you could handle it, I would recommend you show him this thread and see what he has to say about it....I would guess he would throw his toys out the pram and probably call us all morons and in all liklihood would walk out....on the other hand he may stew on what he has read and would buck his ideas up -only you will know if that is a good idea or not!

Out of interest ....Does he ever treat your daughter? Does he buy her a birthday present? Does he contribute to her Xmas presents? I will await an answer on that but I have an inkling as to what it will be though....

Oldernotwiser

74jax wrote: »

However now, I just can't so it's not really an issue. I wouldn't say to him though let's go out for a meal as I don't have any money and wouldn't expect him to pay for me, just because I fancied going out - if you know what I mean.

[/COLOR]

He pays for his food, I pay for mine and my daughters. I get CSA and don't expect him to have to contribute to anything for her.

Well, all I can say is I hope he's bloody good in bed because I can't see what else he's bringing to the relationship!