Help seeing a male's point of view?

mrcow

DavidF wrote: »

The next item on my CC would be some bin-liners for his things....That bit is a little tongue in cheek BTW just trying to lighten the mood as you already have my real views.

Mine would be for a reem of paper to print off the invoice I'd be presenting for cooking and cleaning

donnaessex

Mine would be for a reem of paper to print off the invoice I'd be presenting for cooking and cleaning

Not to mention "personal services"...

Charlie1978

74jax wrote: »

He said he was trying to make amends and F*CK IT!!

Tell him that making amends usually starts with a 'sorry, how can I make things right?'

Tell him you're not a bill that is paid to the nearest penny and being treated like one makes you feel like an irritant.

Then you tell him that if you can't sit down like adults and feel like he is listening and absorbing what you say to him then he may as well move out. You don't need to feel alone whilst in a relationship. You can do that all by yourself without him.

candygirl

Charlie1978 wrote: »

Tell him that making amends usually starts with a 'sorry, how can I make things right?'

Tell him you're not a bill that is paid to the nearest penny and being treated like one makes you feel like an irritant.

Then you tell him that if you can't sit down like adults and feel like he is listening and absorbing what you say to him then he may as well move out. You don't need to feel alone whilst in a relationship. You can do that all by yourself without him.

and doesn't end with a FCK IT;):D

Charlie1978

candygirl wrote: »

and doesn't end with a FCK IT;):D

Indeed


:beer:

pulliptears

mrcow wrote: »

Mine would be for a reem of paper to print off the invoice I'd be presenting for cooking and cleaning

I did that to OH many many years ago when he gave me the "I work full time" line and I was a full time Mum with a part time job. From memory it worked out to about £25k a year

It was never mentioned again lol

Charlie1978

pulliptears wrote: »

I did that to OH many many years ago when he gave me the "I work full time" line and I was a full time Mum with a part time job. From memory it worked out to about £25k a year

It was never mentioned again lol

I work full time from home. I also do the school runs and lunch boxes and tea when the kids come home. Hubby comes home at 4.30 and I still don't finish until 5pm. If he ever dared to say anything like that to me i'd tell him to shove it up his a$$.

But i'm keeping that in reserve for a time should I ever need it!

myothercarisaferrari

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh (I am a Fang fan after all), but did you not discuss finances before he moved in? Did you not not sit down and work everything out? Did you not realise, splitting everything 50/50, you would be worse off?

If it were me moving and we had agreed how much I would be contributing, then you decided you wanted more then I'd be pretty p1ssed off as well.

jtr2803

OP my views are very similar to the majority of the posters in this thread.

What I would ask is would you please take a look at my signature? I am a member of Debt Free Wannabe and I started my debt management plan with somewhere in the region of £17k of debt..........do you know where the majority of that came from?


A partner who sounds identical to yours. He would contribute little, never got involved with my daughter, occasionally bought her a present and was always too happy to let me pay.

You need to do an 'outside the box' look at this...re read this entire thread but pretend it's your best friend who has posted asking for advice, my bet is you would be sititng there thinking 'he is taking the utter P1ss!' and i can honestly reasure you that he is.

I think there are many other issues here aside from the money and I know you say you wont let it affect your daughter but I am sorry to say that it will... what happens when you CC is well over it's limit and the only way you can live is to use the CSA money to put food on the table? Then she is going to suffer. If you believe that this relationship is worth saving then I would suggest that your OH moves back out until such time that you are working full time (which you should only do if you want to) and can make a much more formal and suitable agreement.

I earn more than my OH but he has much more disposable income than me and while we split the bills 50/50 he always pays for outings and buys me flowers...there has to be give and take BOTH way, not just you giving and him taking.

Jody

heretolearn_2

Ok, Ive sat back and looked at all this a bit more dispassionately.

The issues I can see are

1) He's stated that living together is a less serious relationship than marriage. Do you agree? You need to make sure that you are both looking at this in the same way. Is this a serious long-term commitment or not? Are you a family or not? Is this a true partnership or not? The answers don't matter - as long as you agree.

2) Money. You are giving very mixed messages. In the past you've been the one to enforce a strict 50/50 rule over really quite petty issues (paying for cinema etc) and frankly, that's not really the way to run things for 5 years, and then suddenly change your mind. He is being tight - splitting down to pence and so on - but you've kinda trained him that way. I still don't think he is right on insisting on it now - the situation has changed from dating to living together and so your arrangements will need to change - but this was acceptable to you in the past.

3) Time with daughter/working. Hmmm. You should have discussed this more before you moved in together. You want to be a stay at home mum most of the time, even though your daughter is 12 (if I've worked that out right?). That is a bit of a luxury. Nothing wrong with that in theory, but it seems he isn't happy to support you while you do this. To be honest, I'd be reluctant to subsidise someone to stay at home with a 12 year old kid that wasn't even mine as well. Well, actually, even if the kid was mine. It is quite a big ask you are making there. But it's not wrong, as long as the partner is happy with it. Some families live this way. Did you discuss this at all? Can he live - and yes he'd have to support you more - in this set-up? Can you live working full-time? Your expectations of each other are too far apart right now.

4) Daughter's birthday. Why hasn't he bought anything for her before? You seemed happy with that? I'd say it's unusual for a long-term partner not to at least buy a card, or go in with a joint present for children. Did you not let him? Moving in isn't a magic door that changes everything - a 5 year relationship should be a serious one whether you live together or not, but somehow he isn't seeing that he has a relationship with daughter as well as you. Perhaps he feels that he doesn't want to tread on the dad's toes? It sounds as though you need to explain your expectations and boundaries here.