Help seeing a male's point of view?

hot.chick

you are being very pragmatic saying he earns his money so he can spend it how he likes, ad when you weren't livng together then you are absolutly right.

However he has been in a relationship with you for 5 years and the moving in together was a joint decision.

So entering into a partnetship with someone changes the game a little, I think you are right to worry about the unforseen tyre needing replacing, or boiler breaking down, will he not help to pay coz it's your house, or only pay half and let you card the rest??

Only you can know if you are happy wuth not being taken out for meals and cinema, I would be devestated if I was with someone and we never did anything because they wanted to play on the computer all night, why be in a relationship if this is your prefered enternainment??? But different things work for different people.

I agree showing him this thread will not make him warm to you, however I do think you should try to broach the subject again in some way.


Good luck again xx

74jax

Charlie1978 wrote: »

Has he said anything about you sending the money back yet?

He said he was trying to make amends and F*CK IT!!

pelirocco

hngrymummy wrote: »

Fang, please stop hijacking people's threads in order to be rude to other posters (yes, I have noticed you do it an awful lot, and it's not fair on the OPs for you to be so silly all the time). Please stick to the question in point. Which is basically 'Why is he thinking that I can afford this and why does he think I'm just after his money?"

OP, back on topic after Fang's rude interruptions.



What are you on ?

donnaessex

I need to know every avenue has been explored before I have my daughter see someone move in and out again within two months.

Or it could show your daughter that a strong woman doesnt put up with any sh*t off a man who treats her badly?

gwhizz75

I think that you have had overwhelmingly similar responses from the majority of posters, both male and female. Basically, the problems in your relationship run far deeper than finance and I think if you sat down and thought about it, you would see that quite clearly. If you had only been together for a year or so, it would be different... but if I was with someone for 5 years and he wouldn't commit to living like a family (what's mine is yours etc), then I would feel it was time to end the relationship. It sounds like his attitude towards YOUR daughter stinks too.

What you said about him offering to pay for trips to the cinema/meals out by saying "I can pay if you want" really spoke volumes to me. I'm sure he realises what you are like and that you are too proud, and too afraid of being seen as a moneygrabber to say "yes please". Phrasing it like that is just manipulative, as is making you ask for money rather than offering it to you (and sending the money over to you in the amounts that he did). He sounds very immature for his age and I can't believe any man could spend £700 on a kitesurfing board, while simultaneously watching their partner of 5 years get into debt through no fault of their own. You say he is saving £1000 a month, what is he saving that for? His future? Or your future together? You and your daughter deserve better.

sandraroffey

you werent working full time before he moved in. why should you have to do that, and this will affect your daughter, to enable you to pay debts that have been run up to keep him??? working full time means you will also lose any other benefits you may be getting. you will be worse off. stay at part tme, get the tax credits back and firstly, he has to go.

DavidF

Don't want to sound too blunt about your situation either. But you say at the end of your last posy "Every avenue has been explored" - He should make up the shortfall - He should offer to help with the CC debt - He should assist with the whole costs of running the house - IMHO IF he doesn't want to do the above then he is taking the p*** out of you and will continue to for as long as you let him. Get a grip on it before your DD resents You....she probably is already fed up with him.
TBH if I were in the position he is in I would have been horrified that my other half had gotten into debt due to what would have been my oversight and I would have cleared the cards immediately and also increased my financial contribution to more than cover the costs...I personally think joint accounts come with marriage or when you have say lived together for a year+....but prior to that I would be paying heavily into the "pot".
Im afraid my instinct tells me to advise you to ship him out until he is "ready".

ecgirl07

74jax wrote: »

He said he was trying to make amends and F*CK IT!!

I hope your flexible friend is at 0% interest on purchases, if not pop over to the credit card forum and find the best balance transfer card or get a 0% purchase card. Its far too easy for CC debt to spiral especially if you are just making minimum payments until you get fulltime work again.

Just_Plain_Jane

I've been following this thread and I'm sad to say I'm appalled at the way this man behaves.

What exactly is he saving for? If it's not your future as a couple and he won't spend so much as a penny on you, your daughter or your house, then my guess is he's feathering his nest for as long as he can before the relationship ends (and I think he knows it will) and he can go back to his bachelor flat, quids in, while you're left with the debt.

Alarm bells are deafening me.

DavidF

The next item on my CC would be some bin-liners for his things....That bit is a little tongue in cheek BTW just trying to lighten the mood as you already have my real views.