Help seeing a male's point of view?

74jax

justjohn wrote: »

IF you cannot kick him out at the very least show him these posts

I am thinking of doing this, but he does come off quite badly here. His side hasn't been put across, just mine.

He has an opinion that differs from mine and I just wanted to see if mine was way off the mark. I do genuinly believe that as a couple we should support each other without having to be asked. He however wants to be asked. He can't 'see' when there's a problem unless I tell him. Is that his fault? i hate asking for money, infact i can't remember the last time I did. It is so so rare.

I think I may have been a bit wrong to send the money back, it did clear my overdraft at least, but it was the way he did it, in 3 amounts so it could all be accounted for. Then again he will see it as he sent me money and I just sent it back, so he can't win can he.

He has always kitesurfed, I knew that when I met him.

As for treats etc. he doesn't offer to take me out for a meal to the cinema, but then again what if he doesn't want to go out for a meal? What if he's happy just staying in playing on the computer.

When we first got together and for a while after he would ask if I fancied the pictures etc and sometimes I just couldn't afford it (I'd never assume he'd pay) and so would say as such. He'd then say 'well i'll pay if you want', this was his way of offering which to made made me feel bad. Yes maybe I should just have said 'ok then', but never did. If I say let's go out for a meal/cinema then I pay. I prebook cinema tickets online and just pay. He does buy me flowers every now and again and bottles of wine etc. So he does treat me, just doesn't take me out.

I think, if I show him this thread, he'll feel I've cast him in a bad light, because it's only my side. He works hard and it's not his fault that I don't have the same amount of money as him. He should be allowed to spend his money on him, i don't mind that at all. I don't want lots of presents or stuff, I really don't. The thing he said about me thinking he'd be a push over if I expected him to pay for me to just work 18 hours did hurt, but I can see in a way what he means. He is subsidising me having an extra 2 days off. But I was made redundant, I didn't go to the 18 hours by choice - i could have held off for another job though, maybe that is what he means.

I guess every story has two sides, but I think I will show him this thread and wait for the comments from him..... which I'm not sure will be too good.

When I sent him a text saying i'd sent his money back and that i can't believe he'd worked it out to the penny, he said basically he can't win and F*CK IT! not sure how this thread will go down.....

pulliptears

He worked it out to the penny?! Thats petty to say the least.

mrcow

If you show him the thread - he'll be gone by the end of the day.

Be sure that that is what you want before you do so!

justjohn

Ask him why he moved in?
Cause it sounds to me like its possible he moved in cause he would be financialy better off.

74jax

pulliptears wrote: »

He worked it out to the penny?! Thats petty to say the least.

He sent me £441.40, which was sent in 3 amounts - £30.00 and two lots of £205.70. I think the 30 is to add to the 70 he previously sent for food for the month and the two lots of 205.70 is extra for last month and this month's bills. But I'm not 100% sure.

justjohn

mrcow wrote: »

If you show him the thread - he'll be gone by the end of the day.

Be sure that that is what you want before you do so!

A relationship should have no secrets. You should not do anything you would ever be ashamed off.

100% truth and honesty is a good relationship.

74jax

mrcow wrote: »

If you show him the thread - he'll be gone by the end of the day.

Be sure that that is what you want before you do so!

I know, that's why I'm not sure.

I have been nothing but honest in here, but it is just my side.

How he would feel about me discussing all this I don't know. I really did just need to have another opinion on the spliting bills percentage wise.

I've tried to put his side across here, but when i don't really 'understand' his side, it's hard.

candygirl

No matter how many times you try and justify his behaviour, he still come across as mean spirited, tight and inconsiderate to me:mad:
Only you can weigh up the pros and cons of your relationship, and make the final decision though hun:A:A

justjohn

74jax wrote: »

I know, that's why I'm not sure.

I have been nothing but honest in here, but it is just my side.

How he would feel about me discussing all this I don't know. I really did just need to have another opinion on the spliting bills percentage wise.

I've tried to put his side across here, but when i don't really 'understand' his side, it's hard.

Well if my missus posted something like this i would ask "Why could you not have talked to me' but that asnwer in your case is obvious.

If you show him this , ill take a guess everything is going to be your fault.

74jax

justjohn wrote: »

Ask him why he moved in?
Cause it sounds to me like its possible he moved in cause he would be financialy better off.

No he is worse off financially moving in with me. Half my bills and food is a couple hundred more than he would be paying in his appartment.