Affair ???

ninky_2

OP - if he did try to cheat you also need to prepare yourself for how you will react. getting the truth from a lying partner can become such an obsession you forget to think about what you are going to do with the information.

JodyBPM

Actually, I'd let it lie now.

From the content of the text, it sounds to me more like he was trying something on rather than he is actually having an affair, and I suspect on a night out, alcohol and the lads also came into the equation. Even if she had been up for it, he may very well have not gone through with it.

He's probably shocked himself massively by realising he very nearly ended up in a very sticky situation.

I take this as an early warning sign that perhaps you need to work together on your relationship, because perhaps he has some underlying niggles. For a start, maybe the two of you going out together sometimes might help, or date nights at home with a bottle of wine and a nice meal/dvd.

I'm no pushover, don't get me wrong, but I feel that perhaps blowing this out of proportion wouldn't be helpful. I just think that small niggles would be easier to resolve than a huge fight over what happened. When the dust has settled, though, I think I would def mention casually, that if he does ever cheat, he's out on his ear!

Obviously this is much easier said than done, and deep down I suspect if it was my DH, I'd struggle to see it that rationally!

Good luck

jackieglasgow

Well, I almost never agree with what JodieBPM says but I agree with her this time. I think he's been tempted, and perhaps its time to see if you can sort things with him, maybe this has been the warning bell for both of you. You should sit down with him and talk about your relationship, how you both feel and where you are going, and make plans for couple time. Good luck. X

*Louise*

vodooelephant wrote: »

he came out with what sounded a well rehersed reason ... that the group of them were messing around saying things like if you dont want her i will have ago ect....

followed by i have bever cheated i would never cheat etc.... He never even said that he loves me... he expects it just to be forgoton about now..
Why he had to wait 2 days to tell me i dont know.

I just dont believe him.... and i dont know what to do now I just feel so unhappy and cheated.

xx

I am sorry things haven't worked out the way you hoped. Far from giving you any closure he has come up with an excuse which he has had 2 days to concoct and it still doesn't sound like a feasible explanation

I can only say what I would do if I was faced with the same situation, and I'm afraid if I thought he was lying to me I wouldn't be able to let it go.

If I got some honesty and the full truth then I would be quite happy to work at things and make them better. Someone lying to me would make me lose respect for them and doubt they had any respect for me. I hate liars even more than I hate cheats.

I would certainly say I was going to contact her and guage his reaction from that. Go with your instinct. I would be insisting on the truth so you can work things out together.

(((hugs)))

poe.tuesday

I would not phone up the woman, she is not in a relationship with you and does not have to tell you anything, she may also tell you a pack of lies that could either be hurtful or be covering up something - the only person you need to speak to is your OH

You need to sit him down, tell him how you feel, what has been going through your mind etc and how you feel that the reason he gave came across as well planned - you also need to tell him that you do not feel he loves you, he never says it to you and tell him how it makes you feel and tell him how this whole situation has made you feel

you must not play games, be open and honest and just say it as you see it and more importantly, how you feel

you need to also tell him what is and is not acceptable within your relationship, if you don't mind him flirting, tell him, if you do mind, tell him that too - lay down some ground rules and if he is not willing to meet you half way with them then you will have to deal with that if it occurs

I really wish you all the best of luck and hope that things work out well for you all, just don't be too hasty to judge until you have talked to him

carolinejane_2

I agree, you know him best and if you feel he is lieing, he probably is. If it's going to play on your mind then thrash it out with him soon.

LillythePink

It's hard being in this sort of situation - I wouldn't contact her either - just let it lie for now but keep an ear/eye out for anything strange

Your instincts aren't wrong at the moment - something has happened with him and this other woman - I am not saying an affair or carnel knowledge etc but something emotional which in some cases is worse than physical.

Keep strong - I think your time will come when you will really know what's going on.

misgrace

Spender wrote: »

I know what I would do but this is just me. I would go out and get another sim card and then text him pretending to be the other woman saying something along the lines of "Hello love, dont text me on the other number because I have given it to such and such, This is my new number now. Can we meet" then arrange to meet him and watch his face when you turn up.:o

Brilliant idea :T infact so brilliant I told my friend who is having suspicions that her OH is dabbling on the side, she saw a text msg from someone, he explained away by saying it was somone coming for an interview and was running late!!!!! (he has his own business)
Anyway, we hunted around and found an old sim card from a pay as you go phone.
So she set the trap,sent a text and said practically what you wrote, and he fell hook line and sinker!!!!

jackieglasgow

Oh your poor friend missgrace, and what a stupid man to fall for it! :rotfl:

misgrace

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Oh your poor friend missgrace, and what a stupid man to fall for it! :rotfl:

Your not kidding jackie lol, this is a man who thinks he is so clever, a bit of a wide boy, but he got caught good and proper.:D