Affair ???

pelirocco

vodooelephant wrote: »

As some of you may remmeber i found this text on hubby's phone 2 weeks ago.... (he was asleep and i thought it was from his mother about walking her dogs with the kids)

"no you think you do. Its different i really dont know what to say but so worried this could ruin our friendship which would really upset me. I dont want to be responable for making you or emma or your kids unhappy. you have a really good life - dont !!!! it up..."

Anyways.... fastforwarding to today... he has not mentioned anything more about this other than the 5 minutes of I swear nothing happened we were all messing about (he was at a party) etc...

I found out it is her birthday this weekend and she has arranged a trip to London eye and clubs (found out through a mutual friend on facebook -she has blocked me herself...). Hubby is still deleted ALL text from his sent folder...

Hubby dosnt know that i am aware of her party but he will not let me make plans for next weekend... I said i would do a carboot on Sunday or maybee we take the kids to thorpe park (melin passes) or i could go out with an old friend to the cinema?but he said better to wait untill we have a less busy weekend.... There is NOTHING written on the calender......... I have checked with my sister if he has asked her to babysit nope (she is my twin and cannot lie to me ;0).....

He has also withdrawn £200 from our joint account......

So i can only guess that either he plans on going into London with her and their friends leaving me at home with the kids:mad: or he has planned a surprise for me :T

I can only pray for the second........ or that will be it for our marriage i cannot live like this anymore its not fair on me or the kids....

Thanks

E xxx

check phone bill?

vodooelephant

pelirocco wrote: »

check phone bill?

he dosnt have itemised billing and hasso many 'free' texts a month.


As for him not really conecting with the boys they are 19mth now and although he did feed/change them when he had too when they were babies. if he is home with them stairgates go on and they are in the front room - he is usally elsewhere he dsont see the point of playing games with them he will read them a story at a push but seems to take no enjoyment from them ;( our daughter he is so dofferent with they have always been close and he much preferes to take her out to give her some 1 2 1 time.... then spend time with the boys

nickyhutch

vodooelephant wrote: »

he dosnt have itemised billing and hasso many 'free' texts a month.


As for him not really conecting with the boys they are 19mth now and although he did feed/change them when he had too when they were babies. if he is home with them stairgates go on and they are in the front room - he is usally elsewhere he dsont see the point of playing games with them he will read them a story at a push but seems to take no enjoyment from them ;( our daughter he is so dofferent with they have always been close and he much preferes to take her out to give her some 1 2 1 time.... then spend time with the boys

Sounds lovely. Do you think this is ok? Have you not challenged him?

vodooelephant

to be honest i know our relationship is bad at the minute...

We met when we were 20 and just kind or went along with things really. . . .

Things really started to fall apart when i became pregnant with the twins he really wasnt sure about having anymore kids - I always said i would have liked 2 - which is why i think he resents them....

My mum would have my daughter while i was at work but said that she didnt feel able to cope with twins.... so i had to leave my job as couldn't afford childcare for 2 and arrange somone for before and after nursery for my eldest on part time money or even on full time.

We also rarley go out together as we dont have any babysitters.. my mum dosnt like comming out after dark my sister works full time shifts and his mother has a VERY active socail life so no one can come we also dont have a huge amount of spare cash to 'do' things with anyway.

He goes out every wednesday straight from work and he also goes fishing - usally when the kids are in bed so i spend ALOT of time on my own/with 3 kids under 5.

I have thought that i dont want to do anything about my situation as if i did days could go past without me actually talking to another adult.... All my friends have moved away and although talking online/on the phone is ok somtimes i just need a hug.

Also who would want me? i have 3 kids no one to babysit so i could never 'date' I would need to wait untill the twins were at school then find a job to fit in around that so i can talk to adults and get out... i really miss my job so much.

sashadesade

I was going to say that you're right to wait it out and give him the benefit of the doubt until you see what he does at the weekend. But having read this whole thread I wonder that you're still with him at all! He feels nothing for your 19mth twin boys? That's awful, and it sounds as if both you and him are unhappy too. I think you need to have a serious talk about your relationship whether he's cheating or not because things clearly aren't right.
Also, I wonder why he's being shady about telling you if he has plans at the weekend? I would have thought he'd have told you he's going out with friends, obviously not mentioning her name. Perhaps she hasn't invited him because it might be awkward - given that it sounds like she rejected what ever it was he put to her in that text - but he's holding out hope of getting an invite?

vodooelephant

sashadesade wrote: »

I think you need to have a serious talk about your relationship whether he's cheating or not because things clearly aren't right.

I am just afraid of being alone ;(

no one in my family have ever got divorced........ the though scares me really

he will just get to have the life he want's kids at the weekend when he chooses - not having to deal with them in the day/getting up at night reading to them washing their clothes etc... he will move back into his mums house and be 'single' again by the end of the week - quite a few of his friends are 'part time' dads as well......

Can i force him to see the boys? ? or could he just take our daughter... I would also hazzard that he would never take all 3 at once so i would never get any 'time off'

smartpicture

I would wait and see if he has unexpected 'plans' for this weekend. But I would ask him now about the £200, not in relation to another woman, just asking why he's taken £200 out, if it's joint money then it's reasonable to ask (without accusing him of anything). £200 is a big chunk of money.

Sagz_2

Ask him straight out what the 200 quid is for.

If he has no good reason then ask him if he took it out to go on 'thingys' birthday bash in London at the weekend. His face should tell you all you need to know.

spirit

vodooelephant wrote: »

We also rarley go out together as we dont have any babysitters.. .

Voodo, perhaps your health visitor could advise. In the village I used to live when the kids were small I didn't have any babysitters either. but the HV told me that there were a group of local mums who ran a system whereby you earned babysitting tokens.

so you might babysit x number of hours for someone else and earn so many tokens which you can then use for when you want to go out.

If you've not got anything like that, perhaps have a word with the HV who could put you in touch with other mums to start one up?

is there a local mums and tots group for starters?

delain

vodooelephant wrote: »

I am just afraid of being alone ;(

no one in my family have ever got divorced........ the though scares me really

he will just get to have the life he want's kids at the weekend when he chooses - not having to deal with them in the day/getting up at night reading to them washing their clothes etc... he will move back into his mums house and be 'single' again by the end of the week - quite a few of his friends are 'part time' dads as well......

Can i force him to see the boys? ? or could he just take our daughter... I would also hazzard that he would never take all 3 at once so i would never get any 'time off'

I've been in your situation (without the cheating - was DV in my case) I have three girls less than two years apart and the twins have learning issues also. Ex rarely noticed the little 2 at all and refused to help with them a lot. I won't go into the rest of it, I've posted it before and I will bore people :rotfl:

It all seems a bit overwhelming now, but your family have probably realised how unhappy you are and would help more than you think. My family were the last bunch I'd have expected to come to my rescue (some of them are quite cold) and they proved to be worth their weight in gold.

Also, do not underestimate the feelings of absolute relief you will have when your life is yours again. You probably don't realise how much of a shadow this is casting on your whole life.

Whereabouts are you? Netmums meet ups are good for making new friends.

Feel free to PM me for anything at all, and remember it will get better.

Just stop selling yourself short. You and your kids deserve better!