Affair ???

pelirocco

Spender wrote: »

You need to go and see a lawyer fast to see what money you are due to and see if you can also keep the house and get him put out.

fgs , talk about jumping the gun

you know marriage is tough and there are challenges along the way , you cant go from one relationship to the other when things get tough

vodooelephant

Spender wrote: »

You need to go and see a lawyer fast to see what money you are due to and see if you can also keep the house and get him put out.

We privatley rent at the moment - we have been on the housing list for 3 years but dont realistically have a chance.

As for money he owes around 18000. so i dont think i would be getting any money from him (except what he would pay for the kids )

He has looked on CSA before and thinks it would be a bargin..... as to what he pays now

RAS

vodooelephant wrote: »

would lose his family (who me and the kids love) for mine.. who i could happily never see again.

This may not be the case. My mum was really lose to my father's sister and I still see more of my cousins on dad's side than on mum's, despite there being a lot more of them.

if you divorce, you need to speak or better write to MIl and co and say that you hope that despite what has happened, you want to maintain the relationship between the kids and their dad's family. I suspect they will grab the offer with both hands.

Regardign your mother, I suspect that it would be better just to say you cannot do it and cut her out of your life.

peachyprice

vodooelephant wrote: »

he will just get to have the life he want's kids at the weekend when he chooses - not having to deal with them in the day/getting up at night reading to them washing their clothes etc... he will move back into his mums house and be 'single' again by the end of the week - quite a few of his friends are 'part time' dads as well......

Can i force him to see the boys? ? or could he just take our daughter... I would also hazzard that he would never take all 3 at once so i would never get any 'time off'

Sweetheart, that doesn't sound very different to the way things are now except he's living under your roof.

His attitude towards your twins is not normal. Did he really resent you getting pregnant the second time?

vodooelephant

peachyprice wrote: »

Sweetheart, that doesn't sound very different to the way things are now except he's living under your roof.

His attitude towards your twins is not normal. Did he really resent you getting pregnant the second time?

I always wanted 2 children, he knew and accepted that... he just wasnt happy that our second child turned out to be twins:T I think if the consultant had mentioned abortion he would have jumped at the chance.....

And you are right, he rairly does anyhousework never cooks dinner or washes or irons clothes, always puts what he want on the telly or plays his silly little xbox....

I also would never have to iron his bloody workshirts again 'just the way he likes them' I shouldnt have married him, especailly when he said he likes to iron his Jeans...

Pollycat

vodooelephant wrote: »

I shouldnt have married him, especailly when he said he likes to iron his Jeans...

Ironed jeans! :eek:

Any bloke who wants creases in his jeans should be shown the door.

Seriously, vodooelephant, from what you written in your last few posts, you're really unhappy and dis-satisfied with how things are between you and your OH.

Are there any positive elements to this relationship?
I suggested the following earlier today:

Pollycat wrote: »

If you can, sit down with a cup of tea and think of the positive and negative points in your relationship.
Which one is the longest list?

I think this text message incident, however innocent it may (or may not) turn out to be, has really got you questioning your life at the moment.

What I found quite shocking was the mention that he's checked how he'd stand paying maintenance for the kids if you weren't together.

He has looked on CSA before and thinks it would be a bargin..... as to what he pays now

Unfortunately, that doesn't sound to me like a man committed to a relationship.

sashadesade

RAS wrote: »

Regardign your mother, I suspect that it would be better just to say you cannot do it and cut her out of your life.

Normally I'd be loath to suggest something this extreme, but I agree. The woman sounds toxic and sees OP as nothing more than an unpaid carer.

emsywoo123

Pollycat wrote: »

What I found quite shocking was the mention that he's checked how he'd stand paying maintenance for the kids if you weren't together.


Unfortunately, that doesn't sound to me like a man committed to a relationship.

I totally agree with this. Is this normal? :eek:

confused76

hi there

i couldn't read and run...i saw some of your previous thread as well
my heart just goes out to you....

i think you need some serious conversations with your OH, sounds like he runs away every time you try - pull him up and make him sit down and listen if you can

the whole weekend thing sounds awful - i would ask him now what the £200 is for? i would wait and see what he has up his sleeve for the weekend, and if he comes up with some excuse that sounds dodgy to you i would pull him up on it before he toddles off

i was sad to hear the situation with the twins, have you ever asked him to spend more time with them?

if push came to shove and you split, it won't be the end of the world. you will still have you lovely 3 children and you will have your life back by the sounds of it. i was divorced 6 years ago and it was very distressing at the time (i couldn't see a way forward, i felt like my life had ended) but it was the best thing i ever did. don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you and your children how you should be treated

i'm not very good with expressing myself, but i hope you can see that i hope you find the right way forward

good luck and be strong (because you are)
xxx

peachyprice

vodooelephant wrote: »

I always wanted 2 children, he knew and accepted that... he just wasnt happy that our second child turned out to be twins:T I think if the consultant had mentioned abortion he would have jumped at the chance.....

You know, the exact same thing happened to my Nan 65 years ago, my grandad's feet didn't touch the ground when he found out about the twins and her 3 girls grew up not knowing their dad.

I also would never have to iron his bloody workshirts again 'just the way he likes them' I shouldnt have married him, especailly when he said he likes to iron his Jeans...

:rotfl:That really should have been a warning sign!