Affair ???

jinky67

I would be making plans for the weekend anyway, whats stopping you?

Tell him you are to XYZ and if he doesnt like it tough:cool:

I too would be asking about the money out the account as well, seems weird to me

hippychick1

delain wrote: »

Also, do not underestimate the feelings of absolute relief you will have when your life is yours again. You probably don't realise how much of a shadow this is casting on your whole life.

I second this!! I was terrified of being on my own, and being divorced, felt like such a failure because I couldn't make things work. The moment I moved out though, it was just pure relief that I felt. I was in control of everything again.

I never thought my ex would help with the kids, but he does. I have my dad who also helps out when he can, but the majority of the time it is just me and the kids. When we first split, I did really resent this, as ex could do what he liked, and have the life that he wanted to. I carried on as planned, started uni as a student nurse. It has been a million times harder being on my own, but I would not change my situation for the world.

You need to talk to him, ask him what the £200 is for, and if its not what you think its for then is everthing really going to be ok?

My ex resented my youngest :mad: I don't ever think he really wanted three children, though never voiced his opinions about this.

Apply for jobs, get childcare. Tax credits help out a lot, whether you're in a couple or single. If you want to do something, then do it. As much as I love my children, as guilty as I feel for the amount of time they spend with the childminder, I love going to uni.

Good luck!

Pollycat

vodooelephant
your post explaining how unhappy you are has (IMHO) put a totally different complexion on your situation.
This thread has turned from 'maybe he's having an affair/maybe he's considering starting an affair/maybe he's infatuated with another woman' into you admitting that there are serious issues with your relationship.

What do YOU really want?

Do you love your OH?

When push comes to shove, people DO manage regardless of how hard things are - and so would you if it had to come to that.

If you can, sit down with a cup of tea and think of the positive and negative points in your relationship.
Which one is the longest list?

Don't think about what HIS life would be like if you split up.
Instead think about what YOUR life will be like if you stayed together and it wasn't what both or just one of you really wanted.

vodooelephant

I always wanted to go to Uni my mum talked me out of it i got a place at uni to study criminal psychology....

Ironically if we were to split up i would get alot of finacial help with studing and in some cases free so that would be a huge plus for me.

I am worried my parents would expect a lot more of me in relation to my brother though... he is serverly mentally handicaped and has moved into a local care home (has lived in various homes since he was 19 but moved 5 miles away) I am also expected to drive my mum to her various hospital appointments etc... getting a bit tricky now keeping 3 kids entertained in the car for 2 hours.

She made it clear to me when we (i am a twin) were younger that she only had me and my sister because of the way my brother is and they will need someone to care for them when they are old (mum had us at 44)..... there is alot of emotional blackmail... I even have to screne my telephone calls.

Which is why if we were to divorce looking on the flip side i would lose his family (who me and the kids love) for mine.. who i could happily never see again.

viktory

vodooelephant wrote: »

I did sit down with him and attempt to talk about it... he just said i know you read the text but its not what you think..... then just sat there for a few minutes..

since then he has not mentioned it and every time i bring it up he finds somthing else to do or goes and plays with one of the kids...

I would be pushing a lot harder for answers. I would want to know the context of that text and the meaning behind it. There is also no way I would wait for him to saunter off at the weekend - I'd go mad waiting for him to come back.

sashadesade

It sounds like the main reason you stay with your husband is that you don't have many people you are close to who could support you if you were alone. It's not a very good basis for a relationship. Others have suggested taking your kids to mother and baby groups in order to meet people, maybe this would help you make new friends which would be a big help if your relationship were to fail.
Your mother sounds like a right piece of work too, if my mother told me I'd only been born so I could look after her when she was old I'd tell her right where to stick it! :mad:

Pollycat

vodooelephant wrote: »

I always wanted to go to Uni my mum talked me out of it i got a place at uni to study criminal psychology....

Ironically if we were to split up i would get alot of finacial help with studing and in some cases free so that would be a huge plus for me.

I am worried my parents would expect a lot more of me in relation to my brother though... he is serverly mentally handicaped and has moved into a local care home (has lived in various homes since he was 19 but moved 5 miles away) I am also expected to drive my mum to her various hospital appointments etc... getting a bit tricky now keeping 3 kids entertained in the car for 2 hours.

She made it clear to me when we (i am a twin) were younger that she only had me and my sister because of the way my brother is and they will need someone to care for them when they are old (mum had us at 44)..... there is alot of emotional blackmail... I even have to screne my telephone calls.

Which is why if we were to divorce looking on the flip side i would lose his family (who me and the kids love) for mine.. who i could happily never see again.

The studying possibility could be a huge plus for you.

Don't second-guess how his family will react.
I'm sure there are many divorced people who are still on good terms with their ex in-laws.
After all, they are grandparents to your children - and a divorce won't change that. It would only be their attitude that may change and unless you are 100% sure that you will 'lose' them, don't worry about it at this stage.

I'm not sure why your parents would expect more from you if you did end up on your own.
Your brother is ultimately your parents' responsibility, not yours.
To admit to your daughters that they were only conceived to care for a handicapped older brother and their parents is (IMHO) an appalling thing to think and say.
What would happen if you'd have emigrated or even moved to another part of the country?

How much does your twin do for your brother and parents? I know you've said she works full time shifts but that still shouldn't mean that everything falls on your shoulders.

Maybe this is a wake-up call for you to start saying 'No' to your Mum.

vodooelephant

sashadesade wrote: »

Your mother sounds like a right piece of work too, if my mother told me I'd only been born so I could look after her when she was old I'd tell her right where to stick it! :mad:

~I would love too beleive me but with my brother the way he is i feel tied.....

She has been clinically depressed for 30+ yrs and ofeten phones me in tears telling me what a ussless person she is (hence the screaning).

I WILL try again with the todlar groups again now Daughter will be starting school in september as the ones i went to were mainly grandparents with their grandkids or childminders. Also with twins it was a bit of a nightmare stoping them barging there way up the slide etc... I swear some of the kids there were made of glass my two will see somthing they want and tag team other kids to get it....

had time constraints with picking up her from nursery - but not now she is a big girl

I am also hopefull i will meet some new friend's "at the school gate" as we live a stones throw away and daughter is VERY VERY socialble inviting people back for coffee and a chat while the kids play should be easy

lisaf

Hi Voodooelephant,

have been keeping up to date with your thread since you started it and didn't want to just read and run.
My heart really goes out to you at the moment. I must say (as soft as I am with most things in my life), I wouldn't be so patient with OH. He would be long gone by now as I would seriously rather life on my own than to put up with that rubbish.
I too have 3 kids (DD1 is 18, DD2 6 and DS 9months) so defo not as hard as your life must be at the moment with 3 under 5!
Just want to say good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Lisa x

mishkanorman

Spender wrote: »

You need to go and see a lawyer fast to see what money you are due to and see if you can also keep the house and get him put out.

thats harsh, no-one including the OP knows if he has even done anything yet !!

Sounds more like OP doesnt feel the same anymore and is hoping for an out IMHO . . .