Affair ???

vodooelephant

just found this on hubby's phone..... He came in at god knows what time last night after being at an engagement party for his friend - lots of old mates from his school were there (he is 31).

Especially a woman who use to date another of his friendds and then split up around 2 months ago - she managed to aliante the group from him...

anyway this is what i found...
"no you think you do. Its different i really dont know what to say but so worried this could ruin our friendship which would really upset me. I dont want to be responable for making you or emma or your kids unhappy. you have a really good life - dont !!!! it up..."


What do you think...

squirrelchops

Why were you looking at his phone?

squirrelchops

I should add this is a serious question from myself aimed at trying to see if the OP had any inkling that something untoward was going on with her OH. Quite often we begin to check phones as there are already other suspicions.

kelloggs36

Was it received or sent???

xmaslolly76

Reading between the lines i dont think there is an affair there yet maybe a snog at the party which is bad enough but the situation may be salvagable especially if its alcohol fueled. Was there a valid reason for you looking at his phone ie: do you answer his messages some times or getting a number you needed? If there was then i would say sit down calmly and talk about it, the text it self comes across like she is trying to put him off if a little half heartedly. Hopefully it was just a drunken error and he will be feeling very ashamed of himself this morning and a little embarrased. I think we are all allowed one mistake but if it is something deeper and longer running then there will be a lot to talk about and think about before you make your next move.

geri1965_2

I don't think he is having an affair because it doesn't sound as if she is keen. I suspect maybe he has a crush on this woman and she is trying to make him see that it's wrong.

darich

There's nothing in that message that indicates an affair. It's a possibility but already he's been accused of a drunken snog, assumed to be embarrassed and humiliated and then forgiven because everyone's allowed one mistake.
I'm not saying he's innocent but after one vague text he's been tried, found guilty and forgiven - that's a bit unfair.

You need to talk to him but don't accuse him of anything - it might be something completely different.
Has he any history of unfaithfulness?
Have you any reason to suspect him?
If not, then jumping to that conclusion would show him you don't trust him. Only you will know if that's reasonable or not but without knowing the details of your relationship, I definitely wouldn't go accusing him - it could backfire.

If you find out he is/was cheating then you deal with that when you find out. Until you know for sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.

bryanb

Where does the idea that everyone is allowed one mistake come from? Round here it's once and you're out. As it should be.

peachyprice

That text alone, to me, does not indicate an affair at all, more a drunken fumble that he's going to regret in the morning.

It sounds like he's tried it on with her or they've had a snog, he's sent her a text saying soething like he really likes/loves her and she's trying to let him down gently, reminding him of his committments while trying to salvage a friendship, that would presumably effect both their standing in the group if they went further or fell out altogether.

Was there a text in his sent items to prompt this reply from her, or had he already deleted it?

peachyprice

bryanb wrote: »

Where does the idea that everyone is allowed one mistake come from? Round here it's once and you're out. As it should be.

That depends on the extend of the mistake surely.

Would you really throw away a marriage and break up a family if either party had a drunken kiss and nothing more?

I don't think such an extreme reaction is 'as it should be' at all.

mrbrightside842

She's replying to something he's said, could you check the sent messages? I'd still be devestated if he's tried it on with her or sent her a message asking for something.