Affair ???

vodooelephant

After the kids went to bed last night we sat down and the first thing he says is

I know you read the message on my phone and its not what you think......

he came out with what sounded a well rehersed reason ... that the group of them were messing around saying things like if you dont want her i will have ago ect....

followed by i have bever cheated i would never cheat etc.... He never even said that he loves me... he expects it just to be forgoton about now..
Why he had to wait 2 days to tell me i dont know.

I just dont believe him.... and i dont know what to do now I just feel so unhappy and cheated.

xx

neneromanova

I would talk to the lady and say that you know that something happened between her and your OH. That way she will hopefully be thick enough to tell you what happened. I wouldn't believe what he said either (but that's just my insecurities) especially since he'd had time to "rehurse" the reason.

Can I ask why didn't you go out with him on this night out?

xmaslolly76

vodooelephant wrote: »

he came out with what sounded a well rehersed reason ... that the group of them were messing around saying things like if you dont want her i will have ago ect....

Sounds very dodgy to me normally guys doing saft stuff like that wont involve the woman concerned and if it was all just a joke why was she trying to put him off it would have been laughed off at the time. I suppose this all comes down to your frame of mind and weather he has given you any reasons not to believe him from previous behaviour.

fly_dragon_fly

that text she sent him was not a women concerned and the lads playing around what a load of bollox.

but then i have been in this situation recently where i was bored flirted with a ex and got caught i lied felt guilty and confessed so ( bad person i am i know) reading that text and the excuse he gave you because i have been him i can see right through that and i would say " well i believe you but why the f**k was she texting that i'll ring her myself because thats no acceptable" and watch him sweat!

sorry this has happened to you me doing what i did and nearly losing my partner has made me see how stupid i was. x

vodooelephant

neneromanova wrote: »

Can I ask why didn't you go out with him on this night out?

We have 3 kids and dont have anyone who would babysit...

neneromanova

Fair enough. I would still ring the other woman and see what she says.

peachyprice

vodooelephant wrote: »

he came out with what sounded a well rehersed reason ... that the group of them were messing around saying things like if you dont want her i will have ago ect....

That doesn't explain her text at all. Unless he's saying they were all standing round in a group texting each other, that's complete bull.

It may well have started like that, but something else went on just between the two of them, that's what you need to get to the bottom of.

Scary as it seems to you right now, you do need to know the whole truth, not just some made up excuse that is so obvioulsy no the whole story.

I wouldn't normally advise contacting the other woman because you'll not get the truth from her either, but in this case from her text she did seem to be telling him she wasn't interested and doesnt want him, so maybe she will be more honest with you than your OH has been so far.

ninky_2

i'd try to avoid checking up on you OH too much. this will actually negatively impact on your life and make you unhappy which is not healthy. if he has tried to cheat on you with this woman (and now lied about it) he will do it again. if the only thing stopping him is the fear of being caught then you are being short changed. who wants to be with a partner that would cheat if given the chance? i have been in two longterm relationships that featured infidelity and ultimately were ended by them - trying to keep tabs on my partner drove me mad and turned me into someone i didn't like. now i am with someone i trust completely.

you have to give your partner the chance to behave how he wants to behave and realise that has nothing to do with you. you can't control another adults emotions by policing their actions. i learnt that the hard way.

skypie123_2

I would phone the other woman and just say 'Its Barry's wife (or whatever your OH name is). I thought I would let you know that I know. What have you got to say for yourself?'
If there is more to it she will hang herself trying to get out of it.
If there isn't you will also get your answer.
If there IS something going on and she thinks you know she will carp herself and blurt it out. You aren't going to get the truth from OH at the moment. Too much time passed between him realising you had read that text and he had time to prepare himself.
But deep down you know.
I did when it was my husband.
Big hugs! xx

zzzLazyDaisy

skypie123 wrote: »

I would phone the other woman and just say 'Its Barry's wife (or whatever your OH name is). I thought I would let you know that I know. What have you got to say for yourself?'x

He has had time to warn her now. It is obvious from her text that she doesn't want to make waves, so she may well back him up.