Affair ???

Lexxi

vodooelephant wrote: »

she managed to aliante the group from him...

anyway this is what i found...
"no you think you do. Its different i really dont know what to say but so worried this could ruin our friendship which would really upset me. I dont want to be responable for making you or emma or your kids unhappy. you have a really good life - dont !!!! it up..."


What do you think...

It's not a threat is it? You say this woman managed to alienate the group from her boyfriend, so she isn't very nice? the 'I don't want to be responsible' part could be that she is vindictive? Have you been able to check the sent texts?

bryanb

peachyprice wrote: »

That depends on the extend of the mistake surely.

Would you really throw away a marriage and break up a family if either party had a drunken kiss and nothing more?

I don't think such an extreme reaction is 'as it should be' at all.

How would anyone know it was a "drunken kiss"? It could be a full blown affair and only the kiss found out. Anyone who makes that kind of mistake does not stop till caught out, and probably not even then if they are forgiven.Just my opinion, based on experience.

peachyprice

bryanb wrote: »

How would anyone know it was a "drunken kiss"? It could be a full blown affair and only the kiss found out. Anyone who makes that kind of mistake does not stop till caught out, and probably not even then if they are forgiven.Just my opinion, based on experience.

That is a bit of a sweeping statement. Not everyone who has made one mistake progresses into a full blown affair. Of course there are those who do, but you cannot tar everyone with the same brush.

If no-one was given a second chance this board would be littered with even more broken marriages than it already is. Although if you don't think a marriage is worth working at in the first place the smallest mistake will have you running for the hills.

xmaslolly76

darich wrote: »

There's nothing in that message that indicates an affair. It's a possibility but already he's been accused of a drunken snog, assumed to be embarrassed and humiliated and then forgiven because everyone's allowed one mistake.
I'm not saying he's innocent but after one vague text he's been tried, found guilty and forgiven - that's a bit unfair.

You need to talk to him but don't accuse him of anything - it might be something completely different.
Has he any history of unfaithfulness?
Have you any reason to suspect him?
If not, then jumping to that conclusion would show him you don't trust him. Only you will know if that's reasonable or not but without knowing the details of your relationship, I definitely wouldn't go accusing him - it could backfire.

If you find out he is/was cheating then you deal with that when you find out. Until you know for sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.

I never said accuse him of anything i said sit down and talk about it. A drunken kiss is just one possibility out of many and from the very little background provided and the nature of the text message in my opinion seems like the most likely option but that is just my opinon.

Bryan i am with Peachy on this one you dont throw a marriage away based on a single incident as i said in my original post if there is something running deeper they will have alot to talk about and think through.

darich

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

I never said accuse him of anything i said sit down and talk about it. A drunken kiss is just one possibility out of many and from the very little background provided and the nature of the text message in my opinion seems like the most likely option but that is just my opinon.

You've assumed there is something though from the "very little background provided" by stating "Hopefully it was just a drunken error and he will be feeling very ashamed of himself this morning and a little embarrased"

Why not give the benefit of the doubt and say "Hopefully it was nothing and it's just a misunderstanding"?

You've not given any benefit of the doubt at all.

I admit it could be that there is somethingt behind it but you said the above and also "I think we are all allowed one mistake" implying he had made one.

I'm not having a go or saying you're wrong because no one here knows. I'm just saying I think you've jumped to a bit of a conclusion that may not be right.

vodooelephant

squirrelchops wrote: »

Why were you looking at his phone?

one of my todlars had it hubby left his clothes (phone in jeans pocket) on the floor when he came home.

I thought the text message would be from his mum asking if we were walking the dogs this morning....

vodooelephant

Spender wrote: »

Can I ask the OP if her hubby is very protective of his phone, for instance does he carry it about all the time with him and is he constantly checking it? Also does he only have the phone on silent or vibrate when he is in the house? These could be signs that he may be hiding something.

he has had his phone attached at lot....... he even took one of our kids to play with hers at her house yesterday.....

My god i am a fool ...............

peachyprice

vodooelephant wrote: »

one of my todlars had it hubby left his clothes (phone in jeans pocket) on the floor when he came home.

I thought the text message would be from his mum asking if we were walking the dogs this morning....

So you had no previous suspicions, and he didn't hide his phone or put it on silent.

That really doesn't sound like the actions of someone who is having an affair to me, sounds more like he made a bit a fool of himself last night and will be horrified when he wakes up.

peachyprice

vodooelephant wrote: »

he has had his phone attached at lot....... he even took one of our kids to play with hers at her house yesterday.....

My god i am a fool ...............

But you don't know if he's done anything yet.

Don't be caught up in the opinions of others who think all men are lying cheating scum who deserve to lose everything before you've had a chance to talk to him calmly and rationally about what is going on.

darich

Could it be a wrong number?
Is the text from someone in his address book, or just a number?