What happened to getting married before having children?

clairibel

I don't understand why some think marriage means responsible good people??

I know many unhappily married people who are irresponsible and selfish.

This argument isn't about marriage really, its about societys lack of values generally, lack of respect, manners, compassion. These are the values that make you good people and parents...not marriage!

Think back to all the unhappy married couples when there was no way out, my mum was one of them...my dad cheated for 17 years of marriage, so that is my role model to make me believe marriage is great! All the adoptions due to shame and all the broken hearts, because marriage was the be all and end all back then...haven't we moved on?

I am married but wasn't when i had my child, in fact it took two years due to cost and we only spent £3000 including the honeymoon. but i beleive as long as i have good morals it doesn't matter you will bring your child up the right way...married or not.

BudgetBlonde

Spender wrote: »

Of course not you are absolutely right. But ask yourself one question.

Does the fact that there are less people getting married these days have anything to do with the fact that more benefits are available to single parents than there was years ago?

I don't think your argument follows. There are more people chosing NOT to have children at all or, like me, waiting until they are in their 30s than there were "years ago".
And the subject is not about one parent families (who can be people who have been married and are now divorced, or widowed) but couples who do not get married.

Saying fewer people getting married is directly linked to more benefits for single parents is like saying more people have cars because compensation claims are easier. It just doesn't follow.

lily76

I don't want my baby to be born with his mum's title being still a 'Miss' so I married my husband 4 years ago. To have a baby before marriage is not acceptable for me and my mum will defenitely kill me, but for other people, it's their own business. I am just talking about my own attitude.

andrealm

:eek:

BudgetBlonde wrote: »

I don't think your argument follows. There are more people chosing NOT to have children at all or, like me, waiting until they are in their 30s than there were "years ago".
And the subject is not about one parent families (who can be people who have been married and are now divorced, or widowed) but couples who do not get married.

Saying fewer people getting married is directly linked to more benefits for single parents is like saying more people have cars because compensation claims are easier. It just doesn't follow.

I agree. IIRC about half of children are born outside marriage now in the UK but most of them are born to couples living together. Relatively few start out as single parents.

mich13x

Benefit cheats and unmarried couples are completely seperate issues and benefits are not what this thread was supposed to be about!

There are lots of unmarried couples ( myself and my OH included) who are hard working, honest people and receive no more benefits than the average married couple, CB and CTC.

To make out that people do not get married solely for the purpose of pro creating and maximising benefit entitlement is ludicrous, granted that is no doubt what some do but most definitely NOT the majority of unmarried couples!

Its down to choice at the end of the day, my OH and i decided to get on the property ladder asap rather than spending our cash on a wedding and before anyone says it im well aware weddings can be as cheap as you want but the point is i do want an expensive wedding and am prepared to wait and save up to do so aswell as at the same owing my own home and raising my son in a secure and stable environment.

At the end of the day ill be the one laughing when im 45, married and mortgage free

Oldernotwiser

Allegra wrote: »

Legal protection, of course ! :T

Exactly - so why do heterosexual couples think they can do without it?

coco1980

oh and I are unmarried and if there is a benefit out there we are missing out on due to being unmarried I would like someone to tell us what it is:o

we have no intention of getting married, as far as im concerned the fact that we have a home together is a commitment, I have a ds but from a previous relationship:o so I was also one of those dreaded single teenage mothers:D

mich13x

Spender wrote: »

To make out that people who dont get married stand a better chance of being mortgage free by the time they are 45 is ludicrous.

My post doesnt make that out at all, i PERSONALLY will benefit from spending my cash on my home first and wedding later, i never said thats the same for everyone.

mich13x

No but the difference is i am clearly talking about my own personal choice in the last part of my post, you on the other hand just make assumptions about other peoples choices...

Originally Posted by Spender
Of course not you are absolutely right. But ask yourself one question.

Does the fact that there are less people getting married these days have anything to do with the fact that more benefits are available to single parents than there was years ago?

And btw do you think that benefits for single people are a substantial amount of money to live on? Its the bare minimum in most cases and no one would strive to have that as a lifestyle, certainly not the MAJORITY of people as ive pointed out although i do accept there are some that do.

mich13x

Spender wrote: »

A government minister admitted the other day that the benefit system in this country is broken.

Some families have a lot more than the bare minimum, believe me and they are certainly not in the minority and that is one of the reasons this country is in so much debt. Hopefully this government will sort it out.:)

I think you have confused this thread with something from the benefits and tax credits board, UNMARRIED COUPLES AND BENEFIT CHEATS ARE COMPLETELY SEPERATE THINGS!!!!!!!!

You are suggesting that some people dont get married to increase benefit entitlement, i am telling you that for the majority of unmarried people with children this is not the case at all, its a choice that could be made for many reasons, and ive already stated my own.

Being married has no bearing on morality or honesty, and married people can also commit benefit fraud if they so wish its not just for the unmarried.