What happened to getting married before having children?

Allegra

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That shows how important proper research is compared to anecdotal personal experience.

Or perhaps how important it is at times to have the integrity and the confidence to ignore research, proper or otherwise, when it is telling you the opposite of what your heart and mind tell you

Personally, reading all the "evidence" that condemns cohabiting as opposed to getting married just makes me all the more determined to stay a cohabitee and add my little bit to the balance of the functional non-traditional families

weezl74

Allegra wrote: »

Personally, reading all the "evidence" that condemns cohabiting as opposed to getting married just makes me all the more determined to stay a cohabitee and add my little bit to the balance of the functional non-traditional families

if indeed there is any such evidence allegra. I'm still not sure and have looked.

I did a child development diploma with the open university and have been checking my course books since this thread started, and nothing differentiates, other than about whether the relationship lasts.

shellsuit

I have 2 children to my ex. (They're 14 and 12)

Me and my OH have one child together. (15 months old)

Me and OH are getting married in 8 weeks. (I was never married to my ex)

My ex is invited to the wedding.

My Mum and Dad who are divorced will be sat next to each other for the meal. (Mum will be in between my Dad and her husband)


If me and my family don't have a problem with my 'set up', why would I give a stuff about what anyone else thinks?

There is no right or wrong way to do things or do them in a certain order, we're not sheep, we're human beings!

People change, circumstances change and times change.

Dick_here

Allegra wrote: »

Personally, reading all the "evidence" that condemns cohabiting as opposed to getting married just makes me all the more determined to stay a cohabitee and add my little bit to the balance of the functional non-traditional families

How about co-habiting whilst being married, who says you can't have your surprisingly nutritious yet frugal cake and scoff it ? :cool:

rubber_soul

I'm married but don't have children yet. I married my husband because I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him- I also liked the security that marriage brings (legally, next of kin etc.) We felt ready for that step and that level of commitment. However I don't think anything is as big a commitment as having a baby together, married or not! I'm under no illusion that my husband could walk out on me tomorrow and divorce me yet if a couple have a child together they will always have that joint responsibility and connection.

It was important to me that we were married before having children but that's just a personal choice- I actually think far more people are choosing not to do it that way now. Either way a happy and loving home is far more important to a child than whether their parents are married or not, surely?

Allegra

!!!!!!_here wrote: »

How about co-habiting whilst being married, who says you can't have your surprisingly nutritious yet frugal cake and scoff it ? :cool:

See, that's the thing, innit - if someone was running a survey on the mental, emotional and physical health and well-being of married couples and otherwise, which category would the likes of us be bunged into ? Whichever one was likely to skew the results towards the conclusion the researches wanted to reach, I suspect

BTW, when I do surveys which request my relationship status, and there isn't a box to tick that I feel describes my situation adequately, I'm just as likely to tick "married" as anything else - purely because of a supposition that "married", for any data-gatherer, tends to be interchangeable with "in a commited relationship".

'S all Klatchian mist, anyways.