What happened to getting married before having children?

Oldernotwiser

jtr2803 wrote: »

Yes I would like to get married - that is my personal choice, at the same time I do not expect everyone else to have the same wishes as me. I didn't choose a partner based on the fact of whether they do or do not want to get married at some point. Once again, I do not believe you can assume that love and marriage equate to the same thing.
.

Now, that sounds odd to me. Surely you choose a life partner who shares your values and wants the same things as you do from life?

balletshoes

:cool: hmmm, OH wants a Hummer in his life, I don't - oh no, its the divorce courts for us then!

Torry_Quine

balletshoes wrote: »

:cool: hmmm, OH wants a Hummer in his life, I don't - oh no, its the divorce courts for us then!

You aren't seriously equating a choice of vehicle with whether or not to make a commitment to your life partner?

jtr2803

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Now, that sounds odd to me. Surely you choose a life partner who shares your values and wants the same things as you do from life?

Not necessarily, I chose someone who has morals, is kind and generous and is right for me. I don't believe in God so does that mean I should only be allowed to date other atheists?

A good first date hardly starts with you telling your new interest that you can only date if they promise to marry you as it's what you want! People do change their minds as well you know!

pigpen

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Now, that sounds odd to me. Surely you choose a life partner who shares your values and wants the same things as you do from life?

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You aren't seriously equating a choice of vehicle with whether or not to make a commitment to your life partner?

no, she is pointing out how stupid it is to assume a 'couple' would both have the exact same values and wants the same things in life as each other.... as per the post quoted above.. assuming you take it literally of course.

Just because you are part of a couple doesn't mean neither of you can have a difference of opinion or want something different!! It is all about finding a balance that works.

My OH wants an iphone4 and a mac book... I don't.. but that doesn't make us incompatible...

Torry_Quine

pigpen wrote: »

no, she is pointing out how stupid it is to assume a 'couple' would both have the exact same values and wants the same things in life as each other.... as per the post quoted above.. assuming you take it literally of course.

Just because you are part of a couple doesn't mean neither of you can have a difference of opinion or want something different!! It is all about finding a balance that works.

My OH wants an iphone4 and a mac book... I don't.. but that doesn't make us incompatible...

Well I think that although you can have a difference of opinions you should share life values such as marriage, faith, if you want children etc. Would never had a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my values.

seven-day-weekend

balletshoes wrote: »

:cool: hmmm, OH wants a Hummer in his life, I don't - oh no, its the divorce courts for us then!

This is not what I would mean by wanting the same things in life. Those sort of things are unimportant things.

What I would mean is feeling the same about important things - such as the ditrection you want your lives to go in, whether or not you want children and how to bring them up, believing the same things (or not)- things like this.

Wanting to get married or not falls into that category. If one wants to and the other doesn't then imho, something important is missing from the relationship.

Oldernotwiser

jtr2803 wrote: »

Not necessarily, I chose someone who has morals, is kind and generous and is right for me. I don't believe in God so does that mean I should only be allowed to date other atheists?

A good first date hardly starts with you telling your new interest that you can only date if they promise to marry you as it's what you want! People do change their minds as well you know!

You might well find that plenty of believers won't date you!:rotfl:

Seriously, we're not talking about first dates here, are we? We're talking about choosing the person you plan to spend your life with and to be the father of your children!

(Many women hope that their boyfriend will change their minds about marriage and children but a wise woman doesn't hold her breath!)

balletshoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Well I think that although you can have a difference of opinions you should share life values such as marriage, faith, if you want children etc. Would never had a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my values.

Can't disagree with any of that - but I honestly do believe that there are women out there (like me) who aren't bothered one way or the other about having a wedding or a marriage certificate - and can still share similar life values with the person they choose to spend their lives with, and raise children with.
My OH and I come from completely different backgrounds, cultures, family set-ups, even religions, and yet we are still together and content, and raising our child together. What is important is that as a couple you talk, communicate, and discuss expectations in life etc for the duration - and you can do that without the ring on your finger.

LJM

there seem to be some very strong opinions here about this topic, i and my partner are not married we live together have our own home and 2 girlies, we are totally commited to each other so yes i am one of the clan that doesnt need the piece of paper to tell us that we are commited to each other we know it our families know it and that is what counts. im not against marriage and good for people to do it the "right way" marriage kids etc. but i dont want to be one of the ones who thinks to have a perfect relationship or your relationship isnt complete (ive had this one sigh) unless your married. its just conforming to societies view that we should conform, why should we what happened to free will and choice.