Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

dark_stranger

Donegal_Paul wrote:

why are people trying to console the OP with "£10K's not that much these days" posts? It's still £10000 and will still have an effect!

As i replied to the bloke, he's in damn near the exact situation as i am, and roughly the same amount. She's done it to him before, so's mine.

He's not asking for marital advice so people pointing out that he's controlling etc is both irrelevant and unnecessary.

I called mine worse than a stupid cow last time, never mind this time.

As for the fraud issue, it is fraud if shes not married to him as she will have had to fill in on a CC application if she was married or not. This will affect him and his credit rating, as will the fact they are under the same roof.

While my other halfs debts that she's racked up (again!) are her own, they still have an effect on my credit rating (as evidenced today by my reciept of a declining letter for Barclaycard which i was going to BT onto) and also affects my kids and the roof over my head!

Try and give the OP some leniency and not be so judgemental about him and his marraige please, it wont help him in the state of mind he's in (if its anything like mine)

Cheers buddy (brothers in arms)

lynzpower

Dark -stranger

I do feel for you mate. Its all very well to say "she needs support" but at the end of the day, is she requesting support?

I know there are loads of people on here that hid debt from partners, I personally have never hidden my debt from anyone, and never would I. I always recommend telling the partners asap, i agree it is like a betrayal, and thats also why so many partners find it so hard to tell OHs.

What was said last night, did you feel like you got anywhere with it?

Biddyrolo

Personally I find your attitude completely understandable, in your situation I would have felt the same way. I'm sorry I have no advice for you at the moment. xx

dark_stranger

Anwen wrote:

Basically I get the impression that 'stupid cow' is his general opinion of her, and not related to this revelation.

And you know lots about me dont you. If i am not mistaken the only reason you are on this forum is so that you can be debts free and be better off. Right? therefore does her actions not go against everything people are trying to achieve on this site?

dark_stranger

chevalier wrote:

So what you are saying is that she has no financial responsibility in your relationship at all. She doesn't pay for a single thing? That would make me feel like a child, and not an equal partner in the relationship. Maybe she has been spending because she doesn't like being totally dependant on you....

unfortunately her actions have now rendered the ability to contribute to the house financially impossible. This then has a knock on effect where as she will be unable to meet the demands of the credit cards, I will be required to assist, thus removing the oppertunity for family treats/holidays, etc a far and distant memory.

dark_stranger

Mrs_Sparkle wrote:

Get her on here and we'll give her friendly, practical advice and we won't judge her.

no, everybody is just judging me for trying to resolve a problem that was unvoulentry thrust upon me,

dark_stranger

never_again wrote:

text message. Hardly and closed case, is it?

so a txt message saying that she owes 10k is not an open and shut case. Its in black & white, well 1's & 0's. She as admitted that she owes the money & when given the option for me to help she clams up. I have offer to help, but she needs to help herself. I gave her advice on what she would need to do to resolve this matter, switch to 0% CC's, etc and then I would help, but i just get a wall of scilence. What more an i to do.

MoneyMagnet

dark_stranger wrote:

This then has a knock on effect where as she will be unable to meet the demands of the credit cards, I will be required to assist,

Are you sure that'll be the case? Maybe she'll be able to negotiate reduced payments that she can manage on her own (or if she can't, perhaps she could go to Payplan or similar, and they could contact the creditors on her behalf), so you won't have to help her out? Just a thought...

dark_stranger

Bambywamby wrote:

If I got MYSELF into 10 grand debt and my bloke DARED called me a silly cow he would be missing teeth, balls and a sex life.

and roles reversed, would you be so forgiving? I think not, still no sex life:D

dark_stranger

piglet6 wrote:

their mum can't manage HER finances"

Would you say racking up 10k in cc debts in a yr is managing her finances?

piglet6 wrote:

she brings no real value or worth to the relationship"... It seems very black and white in your mind...:o

You seem to forget that ok, I work full time & she looks after the kids, then she works some hrs, so how do you think looks after the kids? me. Its not an ideal situation, but we both agreed to work so that we could give the kids that little bit extra.

piglet6 wrote:

If you seriously feel that her abuse of a credit card is as serious as sexual infidelity, I feel sorry for you and your relationship.

There you go again, judging someone that you do not know. Its all very easy to judge people from afar. And for your informaiton, a relationship is developed on trust, all beit physical or financial. Therefore a breakdown in trust in any form is equaly.

piglet6 wrote:

P.S. Apologies if this seems harsh, but I do feel that you are very keen to pass the buck in this situation...

no worries, I am simply trying to make a salvagable situation out of a messed up one. But did i make her apply for the cc's? did i sign the cards, did i rack up the debt? no, i found myself in this situation not by choice.