Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

GreyPilgrim

£10K is not to be sniffed at guys! I'm trying hard to think of how much I would have to earn or have saved in the bank before I ever thought £10,000 wasn't a big deal :rotfl:

Sorry for being flippant. I can sympathise with both parties here...my wife and I have both worked hard to get debt free but I'm sure she'd admit that I've been the one who pushed it, got obsessed with APR's, bank accounts, spreadsheets tracking all of my spends. (I'm not trying to be a martyr...I was rubbish with money then had a lightbulb moment, and dragged her into my DFW lifestyle). But she knows how important it is to me to be in the black now. And I would be absolutely devasted and furious if I found she had built up secret debt somewhere.

But at the same time I can appreciate how maybe a small slip on a credit card can cause a bit of a panic and cause her to hide her head in the sand and 'forget' about the debt. (mind you a £10,000 slip DOES need some explaining). I've begged my wife to be honest about future finances in case the budget we've set ourselves for saving is unrealistic....At the start of the month bills are paid, a big chunk is put into savings, and we have to make do with what is left. But we both know that if we run out of cash at some point during the month, then we take a little back from the savings...we don't start using credit cards again. It would really kill my morale to discover a debt a few years down the line.

Please, give your girlfriend the opportunity to explain herself mate. She's probably mortified of the hole she's got herself into and of the fact that she's caused this situation. I hope you can talk it through and sort things out for all your sakes.

GP

GreyPilgrim

Mirtos wrote:

NO, SHE SAID SHE WAS MRS XXX. She hasn't taken the debt in his name - and if he answered the phone, this could be a mistake from the operator? Of course it might not be, but the worst she's done is say they are married, which isn't that big a stretch if they are living together and have kids etc... All I'm saying is don't crucify the poor woman before he knows the truth- all he has are assumptions based on a phone call.

I think I would be upset if my girlfriend made loan applications giving my surname rather than hers. I don't think the defence of "we live together and have kids together" gets you round things like Fraud related law and that little box you sign at the bottom of the loan agreement which says "I promise that the information given here is true and correct...."

Anwen_2

missk_ensington wrote:

Errr what sort of attitude is someone supposed to have when they discover someone they throught they trusted has been hiding thousands of pounds worth of debt? 'Stupid cow' is quite tame compared to what my ex got when I found his debt, including my foot up his !!!! along with his bags.

Well, frankly, he seems like an unsupportive git with all this crap about 'his' money, and it's hardly surprising she would have been scared to tell him. We know nothing about their situation, maybe she's as unhappy as he evidently is and has been spending to cheer herself up, maybe he's as controlling as he sounds, and she's been using the cards for mad luxuries like new clothes for the kids, who knows? Basically I get the impression that 'stupid cow' is his general opinion of her, and not related to this revelation.

Gorgeous_George

A silly moo on a very modest income has racked up £10,000 worth of debt. Let's guess her PT income is £600 per month after tax (may well be much less), Even if she paid ALL her wages into the debt it would take 19 months to pay off (assuming IR of 19.9%).

Take the repayments down to a more likely £200 per month and we are talking 9 years to pay for things that he hasn't noticed her buying. Probably mobile phone calls to boyfriends, lots of magazines to read while she 'looks after the children' and God only knows what else. Ten thousand may not sound much but NINE YEARS EXPENDABLE INCOME that puts paid to family holidays or much needed repairs to their home is a lot of money by anybody's standards.

It does sound like the cc company would not have given the level of credit without taking into account his ability to pay. This is probably common practise and should stop. If anybody else's credit rating can be damaged then they should be consulted, by law, at the time of the application.

I'm angry for him.



GG

Zammo

Totally agree George. If my missus had racked up 10k of debt on the quiet in my name I'd be doing a lot more than posting threads asking for advice on a forum. I think he's showing a great deal of constraint.

Donegal_Paul

Anwen wrote:

We know nothing about their situation

Not stopping you making judgements about him though is it?

kingl_2

As it has been said before this deceit is just as bad as adultery.

It amazes me therefore that some people have suggested giving the OH a hug and be understanding when it is probably the last thing they would consider if they found out their own OH had been unfaithful.

If I had been 'unfaithful' to my wife I would expect/deserve a b****king. It's make or break time in these situations surely. The understanding and hugs can come later imho.

Bambywamby

If I got MYSELF into 10 grand debt and my bloke DARED called me a silly cow he would be missing teeth, balls and a sex life.

never_again_2

If this has happened before then perhaps she needs some counselling to address the reasons for her spending problems.
Clearly shouting, name calling and other derogatory actions are not going to help. It is juvenile, demeaning, and derogatory and it is a form of bullying and classed as domestic violence - whether some people agree or not.

Have you considered that the reason she hasn't told you before and that she told you by text now is because she is scared of you and/ or your reaction? By your description you appear to be of the opinion that you earn the money and she laps up the luxury lifestyle. You haven't said a single thing that demonstrates that you appreciate the contribution she makes to your lifestyle (your home, your family). It can't be easy for her to feel totally dependant on you and that anytime she wants or needs for something it’s your money she’s spending.
I'm not excusing her actions with regards to using the wrong name (although I do disagree that she is using your name unless you also go by the name of "Mrs XX Smith"), however by reading your post I have to say do don't come across as a very sympathetic or understanding character.

Noting you can say will change the situation - it is what it is. You can either be supportive and constructive in how you tackle the problem, or not. It’s up to you. I hope you choose the former and are able to work through you problems together.

Donegal_Paul

Conselling my jacksy, politically correct mollycoddling is what it is.

If youve done something wrong, youve done something wrong simple as that.

Hiding it doesnt make it any better as your always caught in the end, and in the rare occasions your not, it eats you up anyway and you still lose!

I didnt see where he was shouting at her, and asides from anything else he's right, she is a silly cow, for god's sake, she's spent ten grand on next to nothing!! I wouldnt even mind if my mrs (done same thing) had something decent to show for it!!

The OP is more than entitled to express his opinions, and as ive said in a previous post, people here trying to give him marital advice or commenting on how he conducts his relationship is not relevant nor helpful.

Also, can someone point out the post where the OP said she is "spoon fed" or "totally relies on him" or similar as I must have missed this???

As for the name thing she has assumed his name, to say he isnt called Mrs xx Smith is being pedantic frankly, you have to admit that.