Help! Misses has aquired massive debts

Emmzi

Question: if g/f were to leave you with the kids and leave -how would life change? It doesn't sound like she can afford to keep them on her own.

mohana_2

Mirtos wrote:

NO, SHE SAID SHE WAS MRS XXX. She hasn't taken the debt in his name - and if he answered the phone, this could be a mistake from the operator? Of course it might not be, but the worst she's done is say they are married, which isn't that big a stretch if they are living together and have kids etc... All I'm saying is don't crucify the poor woman before he knows the truth- all he has are assumptions based on a phone call.

how can it be a mistake if the credit card company called at their home address and asked to speak to a person by the name of Mrs. OP. so clearly they had her name and she had used that name for applying for a credit card without the knowledge of the OP.
i would be extremely distressed if my partner addressed me in the terms used by the OP, but by the same token, she has been deceiving him for a while and her deception is having an enormous effect on their present and future life.

it is obvious that the OP feels stuck in this relationship because of his children and is probably not very supportive of his gf and vice versa and his language to describe her is not great either. but i would be horrified if my partner betrayed me and deceived me of hard earned money (which i can ill-afford to fritter away). and for what. surely if someone deceived you of money it is fraud. just because it is your partner who has done this, does not excuse them.

i hope the OP can sort out this mess and be supportive of his gf in the sense of trying to work out if she has a problem with uncontrolled spending. staying in a relationship for the sake of children is never easy and might actually have a negative effect on your children. your best bet is to try and sort out your issues amicably as far as possible. even if this means that you have to split up. in the long run it is better to have a transparent relationship both for your emotional and financial wellbeing.

Bambywamby

I think maybe your reaction is why she kept it quiet - in a supportive yet firm manner you have to get HER to be responsible for her debt.

She should be looking at working more hours, transferring the card to a 0% finance deal, flogging the stuff she has bought on Ebay, working out a long term repayment and budgeting plan and apologising to you if you are financially suffering because of her impulse purchasing.

Other than that give the daft moo a hug!:o

Mirtos

mohana wrote:

i would be horrified if my partner betrayed me and deceived me of hard earned money (which i can ill-afford to fritter away). and for what. surely if someone deceived you of money it is fraud. just because it is your partner who has done this, does not excuse them.

</p>Sorry, maybe I'm being stupid, but I can't see how she has defrauded him of any money? I also find it disturbing that she is working just as hard as he is to maintain their family (by looking after the kids and the home), but all the money he earns is 'his'. Her work, enables him to have this lifestyle, just as much as his work enables her to live this way.

Mizz_Pink

I agree with Mirtos totally so i'm not going to give a long reply.

I hope it works out for you. xx

btw, our best freinds have just got divorced due to her spending/his working all hours among other serious stuff aswell. Now the 5 and 3 yr olds done live with their Dad and see him twice a week. Another broken family, which is so so sad.

cupid_s

if i got me and my hubby into 10k of debt and all he did was moan and call me a stupid cow i'd think i was very lucky!

i think at the moment he is obviously really upset and angry and might regret some of the things he's said when he's calmed down a bit

but i can completely understand why he is so upset and annoyed with her.

however there are some people who have got into much worse situations and compared to these people the OP is lucky. however what i would be extremely worried about is that even at 10k, if he hadn't answered the phone he might not have found out until much further down the line? when would she have told him - when the debt was 20k? 50k 100k? we don't know

but there are more important things than money and if you really care for someone you can get through things like this

vet8

It might not be much help, but 10K of debt is not really that much these days, we are in a much worse state!!:eek:

One thing you need to think about though is what happens in the worst case and you do break up. What about the children? They can either stay with your GF in which case you will see them a few times a week perhaps or they could stay with you. In that case you need to think about child care. Could you still work etc.?

I know it is difficult to think of these practical things at a time like this when you are really p----d off with her, but you have to when you have children.

mattbass

My mates girlfriend did this to him last year except it was 30k!!!! And last week they got married and are still happy. Debt is being sorted. So have hope:T

Donegal_Paul

why are people trying to console the OP with "£10K's not that much these days" posts? It's still £10000 and will still have an effect!

As i replied to the bloke, he's in damn near the exact situation as i am, and roughly the same amount. She's done it to him before, so's mine.

He's not asking for marital advice so people pointing out that he's controlling etc is both irrelevant and unnecessary.

I called mine worse than a stupid cow last time, never mind this time.

As for the fraud issue, it is fraud if shes not married to him as she will have had to fill in on a CC application if she was married or not. This will affect him and his credit rating, as will the fact they are under the same roof.

While my other halfs debts that she's racked up (again!) are her own, they still have an effect on my credit rating (as evidenced today by my reciept of a declining letter for Barclaycard which i was going to BT onto) and also affects my kids and the roof over my head!

Try and give the OP some leniency and not be so judgemental about him and his marraige please, it wont help him in the state of mind he's in (if its anything like mine)

lynzpower

why are people trying to console the OP with "£10K's not that much these days" posts? It's still £10000 and will still have an effect!

God knows! Personally, I owe half that and it feels like a life sentence!