Facebook Photos - Opinions appreciated!

HannahIOW

Do you still have the engagement ring? If I were you I'd sell it... buy yourself something nice.

AlwaysWorking

Pee wrote: »

I would mention that you say you wanted to be his wife, not his friend. To my mind anyone I was prepared to marry would certainly have to be a friend. I think you don't want him as a friend because you thought you wanted him as a husband and have now realised he is not the man you thought he was.

When we were together he was my best friend, I could talk to him about anything and I can't describe how lovely it was to have someone I knew would always love and support me (I thought), no matter what decisions I made in life.

What I meant was that I can't be his friend now. A friend is someone you can talk to and be unguarded with..now he could only talk to me about limited things, other things should be discussed with his new GF and what sort of friend would I be to him if he couldn't even tell me about his weekend for fear of hurting me?

As I explained to him, I could only be a text friend as he couldn't meet up with me...I can't switch my feelings off enough to just have a coffee with him and go on my way. And I don't want to be text friends with him...I'd never move on.

Pee

How long were you together? Have you never had that with anyone else before?

AlwaysWorking

HannahIOW wrote: »

Do you still have the engagement ring? If I were you I'd sell it... buy yourself something nice.

Yes, I still have it...although my mum has hidden it from me as the sight of it upsets me a lot.

I was thinking of selling it and putting the money towards a few days in New York with my best friend next Easter when I should have been getting married.

AlwaysWorking

Pee wrote: »

How long were you together? Have you never had that with anyone else before?

I had been with him two years. I had a relationship before that which lasted eight years, but I had never been anywhere near as happy in my life as the two years I spent with ex. I simply couldn't describe to you how wonderful he was/is.

I know at 32 the chances are that I will meet someone else and go on to get married and, if I am very, very blessed, have a family. But I can't imagine ever being that happy, content and secure again.

Pee

When I split up from my ex just before I was 30 I knew that we weren't working, there were various issues one of which was he wasn't working, and so even though I made the decision, I knew it was the right thing to do and I sort of knew that I wouldn't be any unhappier, whatever happened.

That said I was having a funny turn about turning 30 and couldn't imagine there was any possiblity that I would go on to meet anyone else. I am now 36 and in a much better relationship and much happier. My boyfriend thinks it's strange that we can really talk about anything, it has never happened to him in previous relationships, but I have to say it's been that way most of the time with most of the people I've gone out with - with my ex it was like that and then there was a betrayal of trust and alcohol issues and so it wasn't.

I am sure that you will move on to better things. If nothing else, you deserve better than a man who doesn't think he wants you.

AlwaysWorking

dreambirdie wrote: »

QUOTE - But I can't imagine ever being that happy, content and secure again

You dont need a boyfriend/husband/partner to feel happy, content and secure. you can feel these as a singleton! and its brilliant. a partner should just be an addition to your life, not your whole life. otherwise what happens when they leave? does it mean you have no life. eh no! i never understand people who arent happy unless they are in a relationship. i think its pathetic.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be loved by your best friend and have a family together.

Nor do I think it is wrong to be happy without a partner.

It depends on the individual.

Neither is 'pathetic'.

Kate78

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

...but I had never been anywhere near as happy in my life as the two years I spent with ex. I simply couldn't describe to you how wonderful he was/is.

He got your hopes up and then he dumped you out of the blue. That's how wonderful he was. Sorry to be blunt, but you must stop idealising this guy/relationship. Sometimes things just don't work out. I think you've analysed it enough now and it's time to let go. You are only hurting yourself at the moment.

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I know at 32 the chances are that I will meet someone else and go on to get married and, if I am very, very blessed, have a family. But I can't imagine ever being that happy, content and secure again.

You choose to be happy and content. You may well meet someone else and I sincerely hope that you do if that is what you want.

But never,ever put your happiness in someone else's hands. It's your life, so LIVE, LIVE, LIVE! :T

AlwaysWorking

dreambirdie wrote: »

there lots of people who will go out with anyone just so they have a boyfriend, they are the ones i was referring to as being pathetic.

:rotfl: I'm not one of those people. I've very little self confidence and it takes quite a while for me to trust a guy and feel relaxed around him. I'd far rather be single than put myself through that, unless the guy is pretty special.

Pepzofio

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

Do you think I am being unreasonable in asking him to remove the photos? Why would he still want to see them, or share them with others? Why would he want his new girlfriend to see them?

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

His photos can be seen by anyone...hence my confusion that he would want his new girlfriend to see them and the comments everyone made about how happy they were for us.

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I know it should...but for some reason it doesn't. I know she is quite young (lol, I sound like Methuselah, I'm 32) and I guess I'm hurting so badly that I don't want anyone else to experience it.

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I hate the thought of his new girlfriend looking at our engagement picture and laughing at the idea that I was stupid enough to think he would marry me.

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I don't want her looking at my picture and pitying me as well.

So the new girlfriend is going to feel threatened/upset, amused and sorry for you by looking at the photos on FB? You say yourself that

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

He had been married before and I had no problem with her picture being in albums that we looked at. I felt confident enough in our relationship to think that she was part of his past and I was his future.

Did you ever laugh at his ex wife for being 'stupid enough' to believe her marriage would last?
Did you actually pity her or did you not really spend that much time thinking about their relationship?

As others have said, FB is essentially the modern day photo album, so it's not really that different. Possibly he has no other exes on FB because he didn't have a FB account/digital camera when he was with them? Or maybe they didn't mean as much to him?

I really don't mean to sound harsh - you're obviously struggling with the loss of your relationship - but I honestly don't think your objection to the photos has got anything to do with the new GF's reaction to them - or anyone else's for that matter. I think you need to recognise that and separate your feelings about her from how you rationalise how you feel about the photos. It sounds like any reminder of him brings it all flooding back at the moment, so I think the photos are a symptom, rather than a cause of your upset. It's inevitable that a lot of things are going to jog unwelcome memories, but you don't have to look at the photos - you're actively seeking them out. Getting him to take down the photos is not going to stop you hurting.

Having read your other thread, I'm not saying that he hasn't treated you badly in his handling of the breakup, but I really can't agree with anyone that says he is out of order for leaving photos of you on FB. Things are obviously still very raw for you, but even now you say that the time you spent with him was the happiest time of your life. He is not struggling and has moved on, so is it really so unbelievable that he wants to remember the good times he had with you? Or that maybe he just doesn't feel the need to wipe every record of their existance from his life?

As others have said, BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM. I know how tempting it is to prod an open wound, but it's just going to delay the healing process. I know someone who was checking their ex's new partner's FB account (via a friend of a friend of a friend) for more than a year after he left her, and to be honest, it just made her look a bit sad & pathetic. I'm certain it wasn't healthy, as she'd moved on in every other aspect of her life but sounded very bitter whenever she mentioned the latest snippet of gossip she'd picked up.

Draw a line under it and move on. Whilst you undoubtedly will eventually meet someone else and be "that happy, content and secure again", I can guarantee that this will not happen until you do so.

Pepzofio x