Facebook Photos - Opinions appreciated!

DevilsAdvocate1

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

A small part of me is envious of your friend. It would be lovely to think I could just start a new relationship with someone and all of this pain would just magically disappear. But I would never want a rebound relationship..apart from anything else, it wouldn't be fair on that person. I need to give myself time to move on before I try again.

When I first started going out with my husband I had split up with my previous fiancee the day before (well actually, he had dumped me). I only went out with my husband because he made me laugh and it didn't hurt as much when I was with him. I had been with my ex for 4 years and engaged for the last 2. It was me who would not set a wedding date as I thought I was too young.

We have just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. My rebound relationship became my real relationship.

I do think it took me longer to get over my ex as I didn't have the opportunity to work through all my feelings. For a long, long time (even after we were married and had children) I viewed myself as belonging to my ex and not to my husband.

Despite this, I love my husband to bits and would not want anyone else now.

D.

PS. Maybe I am sad and pathetic for moving from one relationship to another so quickly, but I am the type of person who doesn't turn down opportunties. And I am so glad I started going out with my husband.

Alias_Omega

This picture thing works both ways.

Whilst you have him on your friends, you can view each others pictures.


If the OP were to have new facebook pictures with "her with male friends having a good time in the pub", im sure the ex would be back in contact & knocking at the door in no time..

Though when he comes running, you need to send him packing..

minxtress

delain wrote: »

How much simpler the world would be if Facebook just disappeared one day....

I sooooooooo AGREE!!

Bufger

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

Hi

I thought I would post to get people's opinion on whether or not I am being unreasonable. I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

In December I got engaged. In Febuary we booked the wedding venue. Six days later my fiance left me, saying that he could not see us having a future.

I will be honest and say that I have not coped well with the break up. I love this man and was never as happy as the time I spent in a relationship with him. He however has moved on quickly; purchased a new home and resumed dating within a few weeks and has now been in a relationship with a girl for a couple on months.

We had tried being friends but since I am still desperately in love with him this usually resulted in things turning..ahem...'physical' every time we met. When I discovered he had a girlfriend I said I could no longer see him as I could not go from being his fiance to being the 'other woman'.

The problem is that he still has pictures of us together on Facebook. I find this difficult to understand and deal with, particularly the picture of us just after we got engaged, including everyone's happy comments below. I tagged the photos yesterday and wrote 'Please remove this photo'. He texted me in response asking why I wanted him to delete them as 'they are good memories'. I have just checked and the photos are still there.

For me the memories have been ruined as I feel very sad looking at how happy he looked in our engagement photo...he can't have been as happy as he seemed or loved me as much as he claimed if he left so soon after and moved onto another relationship so easily.

Do you think I am being unreasonable in asking him to remove the photos? Why would he still want to see them, or share them with others? Why would he want his new girlfriend to see them?

Thank you for reading!

Remove him as a friend. Untag yourself from all the photos you dont like. Remove any friends of his you have on there and any mutual friends you had as a couple.

Or

Delete your facebook profile - go out and start a few different hobbies, go to the gym/swimming/running and start feeling great again, buy some new clothes, get your hair done.

You need to move on and he's not helping. Break all ties and dont worry about a friendship as its something you obviously dont need with him. In a few months when you're looking and feeling great he'll regret his decision and then you can be strong and tell him it was his loss and move on :cool:

notakid

He can put pictures on his FB page of you because, like his ex wife, you are in the past, he has no feelings for you or her. The pictures trigger no feeling/no regret. You are behind him now, he is looking towards his future.

Sorry, to be so blunt but it is the reason why are pictures are there. (Also probably to show others he is successful, a hit with the ladies.) Its not to celebrate the past, its to show others how full his life is.

You are only 32, no baggage, no kids, working, sod the low self esteem, look around you! Look at the state of some of the people walking around. You are a catch!

My sister met her husband at the age of 32. She had been messed around by the love of her life before that.:cool: We met her husband and all her friends were suspicious and a little worried. He was 5 years younger and had no job. My sister was vulnerable and very overweight. 12 years later, they are married, with a wonderful little girl and another on the way, at 43! :eek: They are happy and complete.

It will come to you. The more you talk of him, the more unbelievable he sounds. Listen to the people close to you. Ask them what they thought of him, truthfully, it might give you some much needed distance.

You can be happy, but its up to you.

ninky_2

Pepzofio wrote: »

It is truly, truly devastating when someone you want to spend the rest of your life with stops loving you. But I've been on both ends, and I can honestly say that it is possible for feelings to completely change very quickly. It doesn't mean that you didn't have those feelings, or believe at the time that those feelings would be there forever.

i think there are two sorts of people. those who are very loyal (like myself) and those who are more fickle (i.e. go along with feelings changing very quickly). for me loyalty outweighs periods of a relationship that might not be making me happy. i don't expect my relationship to always make me happy but having made a lifelong commitment to my partner i will keep to that (unless they did something really extreme and unexpected such as murder someone or similar). i don't expect that head over heels feeling 24/7 or that i will never come across other people that might be capable of inflicting me with a little crush etc. but loyalty to my partner is the most important thing. otherwise why make the commitment? why not just say 'i love you now but i don't know how i'll feel about you in the future'?

to the OP i hope you find someone loyal in the future. we are an increasingly rare breed.

Pepzofio

ninky wrote: »

i think there are two sorts of people. those who are very loyal (like myself) and those who are more fickle (i.e. go along with feelings changing very quickly). for me loyalty outweighs periods of a relationship that might not be making me happy. i don't expect my relationship to always make me happy but having made a lifelong commitment to my partner i will keep to that (unless they did something really extreme and unexpected such as murder someone or similar). i don't expect that head over heels feeling 24/7 or that i will never come across other people that might be capable of inflicting me with a little crush etc. but loyalty to my partner is the most important thing. otherwise why make the commitment? why not just say 'i love you now but i don't know how i'll feel about you in the future'?

to the OP i hope you find someone loyal in the future. we are an increasingly rare breed.

Errr... Speaking as someone you would presumably class as 'fickle', I do actually consider myself to be a very loyal person! No relationship is 100% rosy all of the time (you'd have to be a fool or spoilt to expect otherwise), but at the same time unfortunately not every relationship you get in is meant to last.

I went from considering settling down with someone to realising that the relationship wasn't meant to be within a couple of months. We'd discussed plans for moving in together and further off plans for having kids one day, so on the surface I was completely committed to the relationship and had convinced myself that this was the case as well. Unfortunately, I was kidding myself, and those 'niggling doubts' I'd been pushing to the back of my mind turned out to be quite serious compatibility issues.

This came to a head when I went out with some old friends - I just realised that the life I was living with my partner was not the life I wanted (either sat in a pub getting hammered or sat at home watching him play xbox and watch Sky Sports - at the same time!!!) I also met my current OH around this time - and no, nothing happened because I respected my partner too much, but at the same time it did highlight that I was definitely in the wrong relationship. (I'll admit, he was an influencing factor, but by no means the prime cause of my decision.) We're still together five and a half years later, so I'm pretty sure I was right in my decision to end a 15mth relationship.

Anyway, my point was that just because OP's ex proposed then split up with her two months later doesn't mean that he didn't have genuine feelings for her, or that he wasn't being completely sincere at the time of the proposal. So OP shouldn't question the validity of their relationship, as she will just torture herself over it, but should accept that it is over and move on. Hopefully she will one day be able to remember it for what it was without too much heartache.

I don't think it's helpful to dismiss people as fickle just because they've been honest enough to end a relationship that wasn't working.

ninky_2

Pepzofio wrote: »

I went from considering settling down with someone to realising that the relationship wasn't meant to be within a couple of months. We'd discussed plans for moving in together and further off plans for having kids one day, so on the surface I was completely committed to the relationship and had convinced myself that this was the case as well.

i think you just confirmed my case. i would never make a commitment to someone i wasn't sure about - i would rather hold off making a commitment until i was sure. the fact you could go from discussing having kids and settling down to thinking the relationship didn't give you the lifestyle you wanted in a couple of months does, infact, suggest fickleness. the sort of person who says things like "i'd convinced myself that this was the case", is exactly the sort of person i would steer clear of relationshipwise as you never know when they might 'unconvince' themselves.

ninky_2

Pepzofio wrote: »

I don't think it's helpful to dismiss people as fickle just because they've been honest enough to end a relationship that wasn't working.

i would never describe someone as fickle for ending a relationship. i've ended (fairly short) relationships myself. but at no stage had i made a 'forever' type commitment. this is the difference.

Pepzofio

ninky wrote: »

i think you just confirmed my case. i would never make a commitment to someone i wasn't sure about - i would rather hold off making a commitment until i was sure. the fact you could go from discussing having kids and settling down to thinking the relationship didn't give you the lifestyle you wanted in a couple of months does, infact, suggest fickleness. the sort of person who says things like "i'd convinced myself that this was the case", is exactly the sort of person i would steer clear of relationshipwise as you never know when they might 'unconvince' themselves.

I don't think discussing long term plans constitutes making a lifelong commitment to someone. In fact, it makes you seriously consider the long term prospects of the relationship, and sadly not all relationships will survive this process. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never gone out with my ex, but neither of us knew that at the start.

It's easy enough to get swept along in a relationship when the other person feels more strongly than you do, and often quite difficult to extricate yourself from it for fear of hurting the other person.

You say yourself that you expect periods in your relationship where you will not be happy, but that you would stick by your partner and try to work through them. That is precisely what I was trying to do when I had 'convinced myself' that it could work. Unfortunately it isn't always meant to be.


ETA: When I said that 'on the surface I was completely committed to the relationship' I meant in the sense that I viewed the relationship as serious and with long term potential, as opposed to just a casual fling - not that I had made any lifelong commitments.