Im so sad

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Fang wrote: »

The only thing she would be entitled to is 15% of his income. He doesn't have to pay anything more.

I think that would make a pretty sizeable dent in his spending power though, Fang. Certainly more than the cost of Sky Sports for the month.

ETA: As a rough estimate, £20 000 less 20% for tax and the like, gives him £16 000, and 15% of that is £2 400, or £200 a month, which is quite a bit more than Sky.

Fang_3

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I think that would make a pretty sizeable dent in his spending power though, Fang. Certainly more than the cost of Sky Sports for the month.

Of course it would. But he'd have 85% to do with what he wishes, and with his earning power only increasing, he'd have a much better life alone. The fact that he's tried to broach how unhappy he is, when by the OP's admission that he doesn't talk about his feelings, should speak volumes.

Yes, a text message wasn't the ideal way to do it, but how many of us would have suggested that he write a letter if he didn't like talking?

diamondgirl007

Thanks for the further replies everyone.

We seem to have agreed a compromise. For now anyway! I have suggested working a 4 day week. My son is at nursery 3 days at the moment and we get tax credit to help with that. We are going to ask a family member if they may be prepared to have DS for one day, so that I can earn another day's pay and we won't be worse off for childcare.

I am aware one day extra per week isn't fantastic but it's doable and hopefully it will help. If the childcare arrangement is ok and my employer allows, I will go back full time. Until a time when DS gets to school I can't see any other way forward for working full time with full time childcare. The figures don't work.

Thanks to everyone who had an input here, all your comments were helpful

slightlyconfused1

Hi

I think JoJo is right. I am a SAHM and because of this my DH never has to turn down a course or overtime and can be very flexible at work. This has meant that he has managed to gain a really good reputation. When I worked too we really had to juggle childcare and one of us often had to leave work earlier than ideal as nursery closed at 6pm.

We struggle financially and I often felt that I should return to work. (I had an accident last year and now it is out of the question) When we worked out the figures between childcare (after school club for three children £120 per week) petrol (£50 per week), expenses (clothes etc.) it really didn't appear to be worth the extra stress it would cause.

mikey72

I still don't think money is his driver though, I think it's an excuse, as diamindgirl said the figures don't even work.

BallandChain

Diamondgirl, you didn't say how your husband is with your son? I think he is controlling and if it was me I'd be a SAHM for 7 days of the week! It sounds like the more you pander to him the more demands he will make. Four days won't be enough, he'll have you working a full week shortly. It seems interesting that the big expenses have been made by your husband. If he can't rein in his spending he will only spend more of the money you earn on himself. I certainly wouldn't be giving in to emotional blackmail either.

mikey72

BallandChain wrote: »

Diamondgirl, you didn't say how your husband is with your son? I think he is controlling and if it was me I'd be a SAHM for 7 days of the week! It sounds like the more you pander to him the more demands he will make. Four days won't be enough, he'll have you working a full week shortly. It seems interesting that the big expenses have been made by your husband. If he can't rein in his spending he will only spend more of the money you earn on himself. I certainly wouldn't be giving in to emotional blackmail either.

Well, from the postings, you'd be a single mum at work fitting in childcare, so maybe not the best advice in this case.
But stand for your principles if you think it's more important than a relationship.

BallandChain

lol, keep guessing. If having principles means not being controlled then yes I'd put my principles first.

mikey72

Guess what?
That's the choice diamondgirl posted.
Your choice in this case then would be to would walk away without finding a compromise.
Diamondgirl has found a compromise, and it works for her, so good luck to her and her family in this case, and I hope it all works out.

BallandChain

You were guessing as to my circumstances 'from the postings, you'd be a single mum at work fitting in childcare'. Like I said keep guessing.