Im so sad

mikey72

This thread isn't about you.
Why on earth should I be guessing about your circumstances?
Diamondgirl has made the choice she wanted, and as I said, I think it's the right choice for her, and I hope the family do well.

sassy_one

Sorry, but wasn't marriage supposed to be on two people happy with what each other are doing and agreeing or am I mistaken..........

DevilsAdvocate1

diamondgirl007 wrote: »

I have those options yes, I also have the option of part time better paid, and forgive me if this sounds awful, but we will be no better off with full time or part time better wage (depending on the wage of couse).

I looked into returning on my full time wage (12.5K) and the nursery fees would be £166 per week. Tax credits said they would estimate a helping of £136.00 per week. this I think may be do-able, but it's certainly got no extra money in it for us, which makes me wonder about it. I also tried a wage of £16,000, again just a job I thought I may have a chance with and not better off at all, at least in the short term, which is what I think DH is aiming for

I think the above might be right if £12.5K was your household income. Did you include your husband's wage in the income as I don't think you would get much with a joint income of £32.5K.

D.

pollyanna24

jayII wrote: »

I'd say, sit down together, and:

Work out how much you would earn if you worked full time. Then subtract tax and NI, extra extra childcare costs, and any work related expenses. This will tell you how much better off you will be each month.

Then, I'd also make a list of all the household chores, cooking, and looking after your son. These chores should (probably) be shared out equally, if you both work full time.

Right now, you are more happy with the situation, and he is less happy. He wants to move to a situation where he is more happy and you are less so. Neither is 'fair', so you need to sit down together, look at all the implications, and make a joint decision.[/QUOTE]

I haven't read all the answers yet, sorry, but will get back to them. This bit jumped out at me.

I'm a full time working mum and my bf is a stay at home dad. I hate it... with a passion. Whereas he is more than happy staying at home with no job.

I should imagine that it is usually the other way, but as my bf puts it, "most of the time, the man just has to lump it."

There has to be other ways around this. Sit down and talk to him. But you have to compromise as well (although technically I think you are as you do have a job - but see if you can find something that works for both of you).

I am pregnant again and am refusing to go back to work full time. He can call me all the names under the sun, I don't care, but I want more of a balance. He can work part time and I will work part time. It is not "fair" when one person in the relationship is getting everything they want.

GEEGEE8

I still don't get why it's okay for you to go college full time though? It doesn't add up...

pollyanna24

January20 wrote: »

What kind of world do we live in when some people think that staying at home bringing up a baby is NOT pulling you weight and imply that it's a cushy job?

When the OP works full time, will her partner be willing to sacrifices some of his time off work to look equally after the child and do half of the household chores or will she have to do that to, to pull her weight?!!

I wouldn't say it's a cushy job, but it is definitely better than going out to work (although maybe this depends on what you do).

I may not do HALF the housework as my bf is at home all day, but he does get to put his feet up when I get in from work, when I look after dd and cook all our dinners, bath her and put her to bed.

There always seems to be mums screaming out how hard their job is and how their other half doesn't do much, but I shouldn't imagine this is the same in everybody's case, certainly not in mine!

January20

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I wouldn't say it's a cushy job, but it is definitely better than going out to work (although maybe this depends on what you do).

I may not do HALF the housework as my bf is at home all day, but he does get to put his feet up when I get in from work, when I look after dd and cook all our dinners, bath her and put her to bed.

There always seems to be mums screaming out how hard their job is and how their other half doesn't do much, but I shouldn't imagine this is the same in everybody's case, certainly not in mine!

I read some of your other posts on previous threads and I think your situation is definitely not "usual". I don't think a lot of sahm put their feet up as soon as the father comes home and let him deal with the children, cook dinner, etc. I remember your posts because you sounded so dreadfully unhappy. Am I right in saying that even at the weekend you have the bulk of looking after the little one?

Funnily enough, on your thread, not a lot of people had sympathy for you or wanted to send him to work fulltime - a bit different to this thread

If your job is to go out full time and earn money, then his job should be the same as a traditional sahm - up to having dinner cooked for you when you get in. In my opinion.

*Louise*

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I may not do HALF the housework as my bf is at home all day, but he does get to put his feet up when I get in from work, when I look after dd and cook all our dinners, bath her and put her to bed.

I'm with January20

If you are out at work all day then he really 'should' be expected to be doing the majority of the housework.

I would never expect my husband to come home and start cooking dinners, the least I can do for him is have a nice meal ready for him when he comes in so he can relax. he does help with the bed/bath routine but that's him spending time with the kids.

I think you're being a bit soft on your bf, and he is happy to take advantage of the situation. Get him doing some cooking!;)


Edited to add: pollyanna I am just reading your other thread and it seems that's easier said than done!

LilacLouisa

I feel so sorry for Mums who have to return to work full time. I realise there are some women who do important work (e.g medical research) and they hate to be away from it, returning asap.

I also realise that the jobs market these days is difficult, but are there no men left who are happy to support their wife and family while the children are small?

I always admired men who worked hard day in and day out to care for their family. Are all men these days just wanting to be looked after?

My daughter went out with a guy recently who told her he would be happy to stay at home and look after the children while she worked full time!

If I was working while my partner stayed at home, I wouldn`t expect to be cooking and cleaning in the evening, unless the child/children were poorly and needed a lot of tlc.

It seems to be an old fashioned view, but tis mine own.

mikey72

LilacLouisa wrote: »

I feel so sorry for Mums who have to return to work full time. I realise there are some women who do important work (e.g medical research) and they hate to be away from it, returning asap.

I also realise that the jobs market these days is difficult, but are there no men left who are happy to support their wife and family while the children are small?

I always admired men who worked hard day in and day out to care for their family. Are all men these days just wanting to be looked after?

My daughter went out with a guy recently who told her he would be happy to stay at home and look after the children while she worked full time!

If I was working while my partner stayed at home, I wouldn`t expect to be cooking and cleaning in the evening, unless the children/were poorly and needed a lot of tlc.

It seems to be an old fashioned view, but tis mine own.

Equality is a wonderful thing.