Im so sad

LilacLouisa

Fang wrote: »

Yes, but with equality you give up certain privileges that would put you at an advantage in certain situations, and you get rid of the disadvantages of others.

I am not sure that women do have equality. From various surveys it seems that even when men and women work the same number of hours the woman will spend more time doing necessary chores while the men chill out.

Also, if a woman wants to do anything financially, men sometimes prefer to deal with another man rather than her!

LilacLouisa

Fang wrote: »

Yes, but with equality you give up certain privileges that would put you at an advantage in certain situations, and you get rid of the disadvantages of others.

I don`t see how equality (even if we had it, which I don`t think we have) would do away with any considerate or chivalrous behaviour from men. Imo males who think that way aren`t very manly. They are usually physically stronger. For them to sit while pregnant women, disabled people or anyone elderly stands is very poor I feel.

LilacLouisa

Fang wrote: »

Why does the mother have more of a 'right' to spend time with their baby?

Again this can only be a generalisation, but when a woman gives birth to her child most, not all, want to nurture it and be with it. Isn`t that what nature intended?

Hopefully she will have a strong and supportive partner to look after them too.

mikey72

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Been thinking about this while drinking my first coffee of the day.

I will answer your question with a question, sorry. :-)

Do you think that most men have the same attachment to their new baby as most women?

Yes,

.

mikey72

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Again this can only be a generalisation, but when a woman gives birth to her child most, not all, want to nurture it and be with it. Isn`t that what nature intended?

Hopefully she will have a strong and supportive partner to look after them too.

If you want what nature intended, don't pick and choose.
Nature, or civalisation?
I'd pick civalisation any day.

Kimitatsu

Fang wrote: »

Why does the mother have more of a 'right' to spend time with their baby?

Both parents have the right to spend time with their child, but as diamongirl has pointed out she has supported her partner through 6 years of study whilst working (and I assume that she has not made him do all of the household chores etc) and he is very career driven, wanting to get up the career ladder. My question would be if he is so ambitious then why is HE not looking for a better job with a better salary? Surely any partnership is about working as a team? I am very lucky, I have tried working full time and because MrK is away a lot of the time, he told me it wasnt working and to scale back my hours so I get to spend more time with my family. We still have no money to go on luxury holidays but as a family unit we work so much better, the children are happier, I get to see him and I am not asleep by 8.30!

It is always tough brining up a young family, my father in law tells me that they never had any money when the children were growing up and now that they have its more bother than its worth!!

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Been thinking about this while drinking my first coffee of the day.

I will answer your question with a question, sorry. :-)

Do you think that most men have the same attachment to their new baby as most women?

I disagree with you Mike, only becuase women carry that baby for 9 months before Dad even sees it. Whilst Dad gets the rush of protection and wonder, as a female I can tell you that feeling that little life growing in you every day starts that bond incrediably early, and you seek to protect that child from its earliest days. Having said that I dont believe that either parent is any better than the other, just a mothers instinct starts before a fathers because of the location of the baby.

OP - the choice is yours as to what you do but the blackmail of either you get a better job or we split up? I would question whether getting a better job would satisfy whatever the root issue is. Take care of yourself.

LilacLouisa

mikey72 wrote: »

Yes,

.

Well it`s nice that you feel that way, unfortunately I know a lot of men who find babies boring and smelly, and only really come into their own as hands on dads when the child reaches an age where they enjoy train sets , scalextric, football etc.

JodyBPM

I'm digressing a little bit from the OP, but I seriously don't think any parent (of either gender) has a "right" to stay at home and bring up the child. I'm a part time worker, and I think that being able to stay home (albeit part time in my case) is a priviledge, not my "right".

When we have children, though, we do have responsibilities to that child, which include ensuring that they are provided for financially, and that they are nurtured and cared for. I do believe that two parents who work full time can still nuture and care for their child, where as if there isn't enough money in the pot, its very hard to provide for them financially. So if money is needed, I do think that parents (of either gender) should give up their priviledge of being able to stay home, to fulfil their responsibility to financially provide for the child.

Having said that, in this case, I'm not sure that the OP working more hours would actually result in more disposable income, so I'm not clear on why her DH is saying what he is?

January20

LilacLouisa wrote: »

I am not sure that women do have equality. From various surveys it seems that even when men and women work the same number of hours the woman will spend more time doing necessary chores while the men chill out.

Also, if a woman wants to do anything financially, men sometimes prefer to deal with another man rather than her!

I agree with you. Women do not have equality. To start with, they are still not getting paide the same as men for doing the same job.

It doesn't matter what the male posters on this thread say, I am sure that deep down they don't believe that women are equal. So many men still behave as though women were their inferior! (Just take the usual comment about not understanding the off side rule in football for a quick and simple example: it's complete rubbish and a way of putting women down)

I also agree with the poster who asked whether there were still men who were willing to work hard and look after their family. When I was a teenager, I thought my dad was boring. As an adult woman now, I understand that his family came first: not his friends, not his football, or his hobbies, but his wife and kids and I have the utmost respect for him for that.

Men my generation? Mostly they don't want to grow up, don't want responsibilities and they do want to be looked after. On this thread there was somebody who said the OP's OH needed some treats. What is he? a child? a dog that has to be rewarded for good behaviour? No! he is a grown man with responsibilities! He should behave like a grown man.

As for the person who said that he would only have to pay 15 % of his salary, there is so much more to breaking up when you have a child than just the money aspect of it.

The good thing is that if the OP does indeed increase her hours, she will be safer financially should her OH decide that the grass is greener elsewhere, which taking into account the emotional blackmail he subjected her to, would not be a surprise if it happened sooner rather than later and regardless of the OP's actions.

LilacLouisa

mikey72 wrote: »

If you want what nature intended, don't pick and choose.
Nature, or civalisation?
I'd pick civalisation any day.

Does civilisation mean the end of what nature intended? I would have thought civilisation improved things, e.g safer childbirth for women. not made things worse.

When did civilisation decide that women had children, but their partner could ask them to work full time as well, whether she wanted to or not?

As far as I am aware when women married at one time they had to give up work altogether, it gave the woman time to care for her home and children, and maybe helped to cut the unemployment numbers.

Of course a bit earlier than that when a woman married, anything of hers belonged to her husband. Even if she worked, any money she made belonged to him too.

Isn`t civilisation great?