Controlling Mother in law

kate1976

My ex partner's mother was a control freak, thank god she never became my MIL!!

She lived in the flat next door and had her own key, cleaned his flat (because I was a messy cow apparently) checked his bed for stains (sorry that sounds really crude) as she'd have to use a special cleaning solution for them, bought him his shopping, ironed shirts that had already been ironed (because they weren't done to her standard), walked in several times in the middle of the night because she was lonely and had nobody else to talk to and just did everything else that drove me crazy to the point where it became useless trying to carry on a relationship as he couldn't see what was wrong with his mum trying to help him!! :rolleyes:

I have no advice for you apart from what has already been suggested! I wish you luck with it, I know how draining it can be!

hjb123

kate1976 wrote:

She lived in the flat next door and had her own key, cleaned his flat (because I was a messy cow apparently) checked his bed for stains (sorry that sounds really crude) as she'd have to use a special cleaning solution for them

Eugh, Im sorry but what mother or sane person would do that! Its horrible - just stick the bedding straight in the washer rather than inspect it for wet patches - oops I mean stains.

kate1976

hjb123 wrote:

Eugh, Im sorry but what mother or sane person would do that! Its horrible - just stick the bedding straight in the washer rather than inspect it for wet patches - oops I mean stains.

Exactly what I asked her, she said that just sticking it in the washer wouldn't do, I won't even go into the lecture she gave me about periods and their stains!! :rolleyes: You know, writing this down makes me so happy that I ended it with this mummy's boy!

Mrs_Optimist

I wish my MIL took as much interest in DH life! She never sees her grandchildren although she lives a 5-10 minute driver away (shes far too busy), never babysits (although she never forgets Easter, Christmas and Birthdays). DH is eldest of 5 and he is the only one she never bothers with - other sons are invited roudn for lunch every Sunday and yougest two (19 and 17) live at home still. The worl revolves around everyone except DH who has never once asked her for a penny (she paid the deposits on theflat 2 of the Sons bought last year) When we go round to see her she moans about how busy she is but she doesnt need to work. If she would take even the slightest interest in her grandchildren I would be happy. DH dad (FIL) divorced her over 20 years ago and he is a fantastic grandad, looks after the children every friday without fails and will have them sleep over at the drop of a hat. I think there is a fine line between helping out and interfering but you just need to be firm, and count your blessings - she won't be around forever.

misty

My ex is a right royal pain in the !!! - who has no cotact with his child. His mother however is great - I knew she was great but reading the problems with MIL some have had - I really appreciate how fab she is. She has a key to our house - she collects DH from school one day a week and then babysits until I get home. She wouldn't dream of going through the cupboards and never interferes or criticises (then again I have my side of the family for that)

Horasio

I must be the only person who has a mother in law that is OK

I can talk to her but she doesn't interfere.

Now my mother...

She has a good heart but doesn't really know me

cupid_s

CCStar wrote:

I must be the only person who has a mother in law that is OK

I can talk to her but she doesn't interfere.

Now my mother...

She has a good heart but doesn't really know me

my mother in law is great too!
and my mother is great (hubby reckons she's alright as well).
we're a very lucky couple and we realise this

starlite_2

My MIL is awful too, but we are lucky as my parents are wonderful and very supportive.
The thing that annoys me most about mil is how she comes in and snatches the baby right away, whether he is playing, feeding or sleeping, and it usually makes him burst into tears.

passingby_2

I think some of the advice is great but I don't think there's need to acutally bust your lock as you can say it broke anyway, these things do. Also the mother-in-law is still acting as the mother, you are not good enough or are not up to her standards and are not looking after her son properly. Husband, has put up with it all his life - hence why he's laid back and she believes she's done a good job of him cos he's never complained (again exactly why she thinks complaints come indirectly from you). Therefore, your hubby if he can be bothered needs to sit her down and tell her this is coming from him and he doesn't need mothering anymore, and he needs to tell her to let go. Tell her to take up golf or some hobbies. Also tell her to start her own cleaning business and give your house a miss. hahaha she may as well make some money out of her obssession.

You need to get some courage girl, she is the one with the problem and not you and she's bullying you, don't let her. If hubby won't say anything then you have to in a calm and courteous manner - that way if she storms off and doesn't speak to you again you have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything you could to resolve the problems in a good way trying to gain a positive out come.

Also, winge all you like, even if the stuff is a help you didn't ASK for it. I personally would take all the food back to her house and dump it on her doorstep or take it to any local event of the time (ie school fares) and tell her they were very grateful for her contribution.
Ok I'm going on a bit but I know what it's like my MIL brings food round, coments on the way I iron her sons clothes etc. and then trys to put them right by folding them her way (she did this once she won't get the chance to do it again), he is the only one and she pampers him like crazy. Fortunately we have no children for her to annoy me over. On the whole she is not as bad as yours but does want to clean the house (which to be honest I'd let her).

Maybe that's it, give the mother in law a list of food you actually want, clothes the kids would actually wear etc. and tasks you want done around the house then she'll feel good and so will you - oh and make sure the list is from her son and not you.

As a last mention, under no circumstances should you let her do anything to your children that they don't want, you have to draw the line here - really. You have nothing to feel grateful for other than the baby sitting as you never asked for anything else ok. Now good luck!

starlite_2

My MIL goes through our drawers too, and even through our file of bills etc. She once paid off a phonebill and renewed our tv license for us, whilst we were at the supermarket, but the phonebill was in dispute and we had been accepted onto the weekly payment scheme for the new tv license so planned to pay it that way.
You may think 'how lovely' but she called every other day demanding the money back asap.