Controlling Mother in law

jaydani

My mother in lawis driving me round the bend with her controlling ways.

heres some of the things she does ofen when I'm not there:

- goes through my cupbords to see what food we've got in
- goes through clothes draws & rearranges the childrens clothes
- changes the childrens bedding when I'm at work
- looks in the aring cupboard & comments on things that have been there a while
- irons the childrens & husbands clothes (not mine)
- brings round unhealthy food that we want to keep the children (& hubby) off
- told the children to hide sweets in their bedroom
- let herself in whilst we were on holiday & changed the childrens pillows & pillow cases, laid out new flannels & filled the fridge with cakes, trifles, fruit shoots etc.
- bought a swimming pool which then cost us about £40 in water & chlorine.
- tells my daughter how to wear her hair - she is 8 & hates having it up but daren't say no to nanny
- lays out the childrens clothes & pajamas for the next day
- constantly makes little digs that my daughter hears & of course tells me
..........I could go on

It may not sound that bad but i feel like someone is trying to run my family but we are so different in our views & tastes that it is driving me mad!

Money is very tight & I have tried to be positive telling myself its helping save us money (she buys most of the childrens clothes) but often it is all things we don't want or need. The worst thing is the food - I have tried everything, throwing it away (such a waste) hiding it & getting it out when she comes round so she sees we don't eat it, or giving it back.

When I say something it falls on deaf ears. Once my husband put the food in the attic & when she blamed me for throwing it away I defended myself by saying that we didn't want the food & it was making her son fat & thats why he hid it (he is overweight). She said he shouldn't eat it then its for the children. I tried to explain how I feel & she walks away. We didn't talk for two weeks, things improved for a week or so then she was back to her old ways again. Also speaking up makes me feel that I'm being ungrateful as they baby whenever we ask etc.

I hate arguments & conflicts. Now things are bad again I don't want to cause a fight - anyone got any advice?

Jaydani

Scarlett1

Buy her a puppy so she has something else to look after

jaydani

Thanks! She doesn't like animals - they make a mess!

Mrs_pbradley936

Read "The little house" by Phillipa Gregory.

chatta

Send her to my house please, my kids beds need changing, and I dont have much food in fridge. I have a pile of ironing that makes Everest look like a molehill. I get your point though, shame because it sounds like she is trying to be helpful. Let your husband say something to her, hiding food in attic sounds a bit extreme. If she has a key to your house change the locks don't give her new one. Or of course ask for other key back.

kal25

I understand how u feel this sounds a little like how mine used to be although not quite as extensive as going through cupboards:eek: . You must stand your ground and explain how u feel about things. Perhaps suggest she brings kids treats, now and again(as in compromise). That way she may not feel quite so offended. How ever if it s driving you mad you must do something about it. Certainly telling kids to hide things is just wrong:mad: . I have lost my temper more than a few times with my MIL for interfering in bringing ds1 she now NEVER interferes in bringing up ds2 or dd. In some instances she has not spoken to me for a few days but my opinion was it is upto her she either understood that this was how I wanted to bring my child up or she was the one to lose out. I do understand that it will look like it is all u, I have the same prob with hubby (never really says anything except when gone)but someone does have to make a stand if u want this to end.:o Sorry for going on and hope u sort this soon.:o

jaydani

I know it sounds like I'm very lucky & being ungrateful, thats why I bite my tongue most of the time & look at the positives.

I'm just feeling a bit annoyed after coming home from holiday yesterday & finding my privicy invaded. Who the hell changes pillows (not just the cases) round someone elses house without being asked!! There was nothing wrong with the ones that were already there! :mad:

Good idea about the key & hubby has already mentioned this. I think we gave it to them years ago in case of emergency.

Sorry to rant

lisa_75

Hi,

Why is she in your house when you are not there? This is out of order. Change the locks and don't give her a new key.

comping_cat

I dont blame you for feeling upset and angry!!! But you havnt said how much your husband backs you up? I would get him to have a VERY firm word with her, to say that you all love to see her, and appriciate SOME of the things that she does, but its your house, your children and your lives, and if she wants to be part of it (which you all want her to be) then she has to change her ways. It will prob sound better coming from him, and hopefully she might take more notice, as it doesnt seem like she is listening to you!!!!

homersimpson_3

has your mother-in-law got a key to your house? does she do these things when you or husband are not there? if so ask for it back or change the locks. she has no right to enter your house and start re organising it. if your daughter doesn't want her hair up and nanny puts it up take the bobble out and tell your daughter in front of nanny she can wear it how she likes. these children are yours and your husands (although the grandparents may love them and play a part in their live). the ironing is the job of you and your husband- not her- unless you agree to it. if you don't talk so be it- but don't stop children seeing nanny etc. if all else fails- could you move far away from nanny so it becomes less of a problem but not too far that it disrrupts your life too much.

jaydani

Thanks for all the advice.

DH gets annoyed about it only when I get annoyed but he's very laid back & would put up with it were it not for me. He has said stuff in the past but she is convinced it is all coming from me. DH mentioned that there was no need to do the ironing so she simply stopped doing mine & carried on with everyone elses!
When DH hid the mountain of food once she asked about it after checking thru the cupboards, I told her that it was DH who had got rid of it because of his weight problem. She replied 'I know it wasn't him' Precious son can do no wrong.

The joke is he told me he left home at 18 to get away from her as she would lay clothes out on the bed for him & his room had to be tidy at all times!