Controlling Mother in law

livinginhope

Sorry to hear you are having problems with your MIL,but please think carefully before you or DH try and 'have a quiet word'.I would do anything to have a MIL like yours,mine has not spoken to us for 5 years,or seen or spoken to her grandchildren,she has never even met her grandaughter.We have tried and tried to make contact but to no avail,we have recently found out through another family member that she doesn't have long to live,but will still not let us contact her or my husbands siblings.
Moral of the story,make friends with her,give her a special job to do with the kids,get her to feel important,then she will probably forget about your cupboards.Good luck.

Bossyboots

livinginhope wrote:

Moral of the story,make friends with her,give her a special job to do with the kids,get her to feel important,then she will probably forget about your cupboards.Good luck.

How I wish that were true. I have shopped with MIL, visited her every week with the children to spend a day without my OH, take her to appointments, the list goes on.

It doesn't matter how hard you try, it doesn't change them. In fact in my case it made it worse because every time we were getting on well she seemed to think it gave her carte blanche to say and do as she pleased.

Mrs_pbradley936

Buy her a copy of "The Little House" by Phillipa Gregory.

misty

I know you say you don't like confrontation but why should she get away with making you so unhappy? You are an adult with children of your own - don't let her treat you as a child. If it makes you feel better - do you want your children to see you being criticised and ignored and the person doing it going unchallenged? I think you have to be strong and face up to her and stick with it.

Change the locks - when she asks why? tell her - I'm unhappy with you re arranging things when I'm not there - you've ignored my wishes and so this is how it stops. Rather than argue the rights and wrongs of it and getting the key back. It's yours and OH house - you don't need to justify it.

If she brings food - rebag it up and give her to take back with her. If she doesn't want to take it. Put the whole lot in the bin and tell her that's what you will do with it each time.

You've tried asking nicely and she's ignored you - so you need to be hard about it - she'll get over it - either that or you continue to be unhappy.

I would do the suggestions of shifting her stuff in her house - she's obviously thick skinned and needs to be made fully aware of her actions. If OH can do no wrong - and you can do no right - then what do you have to lose?

Maisie

jaydani wrote:

has your mother-in-law got a key to your house? does she do these things when you or husband are not there?

Every monday she looks after my son so she has all day to please herself. She irons all day while he watches TV. He starts school in September so DH reckons it won't be a problem after that but who's he kidding she will still come round whenever she likes.

Also forgot to point out she only seems to come round when I'm not in. I think this is after the bust up (over the food) so i never get to confront her. DH is self employed so is at home in the morning with the children until she comes round & she leaves before I get home from work. This is why things have got out of hand because I hear about the comments she has made second hand but don't get a chance to reply.

Suggest she takes your son out instead of him watching TV all day. That's not good for him. She should read books with him or play games if she cares about him. Either that or suggest she takes him to the park/activity centre/shopping/zoo etc . That will get her out of your house.

I'm a MIL and have a key to our son's house . I'm often asked to let the dog into the garden or do something while they are at work but I wouldn't dream of looking though the cupboards etc.

They have 2 children and DIL is untidy (kids too) but she wouldn't like it if I tidied up. I have to count 10 and bite my lip and leave it. Shame as they are always rushing about and I could do things for them but I don't as that's how they want the situation. It hurts me too that they don't want help but I don't interfere and just let them get on with it to keep the peace.

Sounds if your MIL thinks she is doing you a favour. Tell her gently that you don't want her doing things in your house.

HTH

liz.._4

Hi Jaydani,
sorry to hear about your MIL probs, my advice is to
-change locks
-don't give her a key
-if she babysits then take the kids round to her house
that should do the trick!

lynzpower

Is there any way you could negotiate a middle ground like " we are not going to eat this carp trifle/junk etc, but we are struggling for cash at the moment so you could always go to the greengrocers for us instead if you INSIST on buying food for us? Older people ( my grandmas the same) come from that era of rationing and freeflowing biscuits & chocolate is like nectar to them and a way to show spoiling and that they "care", rather outmoded in these days of healthy eating, obesity & cholestrol, but there you are. Saying that tho, under your roof your rules

Going through your cupbards particu.larly your airing cupbaord!!!!!! Just leave post its like "get out you nosey bag" I would. I completely agree with Misty, she needs to be told, and actions speak louder than words and thats that.

cupid_s

unfortuantely the OP has said her MIL spends money on the kids and them so she doesn't want to offend her too much.

I know the MIL is out of order but it is difficult. I think only thr OP will know how she'll react to being told not to do this stuff. She may be so offended she stops doing everything and them everyone might miss out on other stuff too.

At least the OH is supportive. My nan (dad's mom) is awful sometimes and yet my dad seems to think she can do no wrong! It is the main cause of arguments between my mom and dad. Grrrrrr!

scooper

funny story my mum tells me about her mother in law who is now dead so feel bad about this!!hahaha
when her and my dad used to court as they said,they would plan a day out and my mum would wait to get picked up,she would wait at her bedroom window and look out for him coming round the corner in his car,then one day she saw him coming ran downstairs outaide to the car and their sat in the front was mil(to be),she then had to go on the day out sat in the back
this was a thing that happened right till she died,not going on dates but very controlling,always at the house,just sitting in the front room whilst mum bought endless cups of tea,wait till my dad got home ,then get a lift,used to come about 9 in the morn,she was very lonley,she had only my dad,wasnt married so he was her life

i still laugh now thinking of my mums face

Turning_into_scrooge

pbradley936 wrote:

Read "The little house" by Phillipa Gregory.

Good post lol:beer: