Controlling Mother in law

Bossyboots

More patience than I have displayed. My MIL was almost as bad. I had the same scenario that she would always blame me if my OH said anything. Final stroke was arranging to take my son out for the day. Had it all arranged before asking OH (not me) if it was okay. He said it was!!!! The fall out from that taught everyone a lesson and made MIL, FIL and OH a bit more respectful of my position in my own house. It was uncomfortable for a while and MIL has slipped back a few times since but in the end, it took my firm stance to stop the unwarranted intrusion and make them realise that I did actually have a say in the day to day running of my home and what my children do.

It is very hard for youngsters to go against their nannies. My daughter feels free to speak up to my mum as they have a good relationship but my MIL has been so interfering, my daughter now simply refuses to go and see her.

jaydani

has your mother-in-law got a key to your house? does she do these things when you or husband are not there?

Every monday she looks after my son so she has all day to please herself. She irons all day while he watches TV. He starts school in September so DH reckons it won't be a problem after that but who's he kidding she will still come round whenever she likes.

Also forgot to point out she only seems to come round when I'm not in. I think this is after the bust up (over the food) so i never get to confront her. DH is self employed so is at home in the morning with the children until she comes round & she leaves before I get home from work. This is why things have got out of hand because I hear about the comments she has made second hand but don't get a chance to reply.

jaydani

the other thing i would say is that she sounds really lonely and she has nothing else in her life apart from your familiy

I think you have hit the nail on the head. She has one other son who lives away & is not married. She doesn't work or drive, have any close friends or have any hobbies. Her main things in life are food & her grandchildren. Her husband works despite being retired - wonder why?!

They have money and therefore spend it on us (mainly the children) this is why I feel guilty speaking up as I know this is all she has & she will not understand my side of the story & become angry.

scooper

i wouldnt feel bad,she just needs to cool it really doesnt she?
you dont want to go on having all these pent up anger,that you end up taking it out on her and husband thats why i really think you should tell her,tell her you love having her around and helping sometimes,but as a mum you take pleasure doing it yourself
hope it will work out in the end
let us know

dorry_2

hi jaydani, :wave:

things don't sound too good, this is a serious control issue on your mil part, your oh is the one she is still trying to control!! he must confront this issue asap before it gets utterly unbearable for u. i honestly don't know how u have put up with her. even though she is doing ironing and looking after grandson on a monday, its time to put a stop to this controling.

i think u should be prepared for a confrontation and get oh to sort it out, i think it will get worse before it gets better, but this needs to be sorted and soon. just say to oh that u married him, not his baggage!!!

the whole situation might turn quite nasty, but i am sure u would rather that happen than live with this intollerable situation!!!

does your son start school this week?? if so, nows the time to have it out once and for all!!!

sorry about the essay, hope this helps

love dorry xxxxxxxxxxxx

joanne0620

Ask for the key back, DH & I are currently in the process of buying a house that my MIL owns so at present she has a key, but as soon as those funds hit her bank account that key will be safely tucked away where she cannot get her hands on it!

Savvy_Sue

I like the idea of re-arranging her house ...

And getting the key back is a good first step!

But if you don't see her, could you and your husband write her a letter? Or perhaps your husband could write notes and leave them in all the places you don't want her in!

Wickedkitten

I wouldn't bother having the OH talk to her. You need to sit her down with your OH present and tell her exactly how what is doing is making you feel.

If you do it without the OH there then more than likely she will paint you out to be the villain and go running back to him saying you've been mean.

It's absolutely ridiculous that you should have to hide food in your own house so it's time that you set her some ground rules.

MortgageMamma

I think you should buy a load of kinky adult stuff and leave it lying around in your bedroom for her to clear up. Imagine her face! Sorry thats no help whatsoever, but I suppose it would make her realise how much she is intruding on your privacy.

On a serious note, you need to confront this woman, and tell her where the line is drawn very very assertively. Take your key away from her she doesn't need it, this is YOUR home, YOUR husband and YOUR kids - she's had her time, tell her to leave you to enjoy yours in peace. She will be hurt and probably resentful but at the end of the day you have nothing to feel guilty about as she has brought it on herself

If she's stuck for something to do during the day she'd make a great home help or voluntary companion for an older person who really can't manage

Felicity

I once gave a friend of mine a key for emergencies and found out that she had brought her parents and siblings around to my house to 'look around' whilst we were on holiday. They were having a meal in the area, and she said that she was just popping in to check everything was OK in our absence and invited everybody in to look around our house at the same time.

I wouldn't have minded too much (she is a very good friend and v family oriented, just think she wanted to show our house off and had the best intentions).

I got around it by telling her that hubby had lost his key and could I have hers back for now. Then of course, I never gave her another one.

Maybe you could use that tactic to get your key back, without being too blatant?

Good luck, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare! Prob with best intentions, but even so ... :eek: