Controlling Mother in law

Sarahjovi

It would be a shame to alienate her and would be great if you could compromise! Why don't you leave her a list of jobs that you would like her to do! I would love it if my MIL did my ironing or cleaned out some of my kitchen cupboards. If you don't like her in your bedroom could you lock it and just let her tidy the childrens rooms! As for the food, you could tell her if she feels she has to buy food, could she get the items you need and hand her a shopping list!

It probably easier said than done, but you just need to get her to do things your way!

Sarah

ooobedoo

Do you think she goes through your clothes???

tawnyowls

Quite honestly, this would be the least of my worries if I was the OP. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she's the sort that would be checking the sheets to make sure her darling son was getting his fair share of, ah, attention from his wife!

chardonnay_2

get some post it notes and stick them in the cupboards she shouldn't be in saying " oi granny get out!"

ooobedoo

Blugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hedley

love the purple sheets idea!!! This woman clearly has 'issues' of her own.. it is not up to her to dictate how your family live their lives.

OK as others have said:

This is completely intrusive- it is making you unhappy and causing a bit of friction between you and hub.

Take a big deep breath and work out what you want from her, find her alone:

Practise what you want to say to a friend:

Perhaps something like:

''Deirdre, I've been meaning to speak to you for some time, Josh likes to have you here looking after him on Mondays- we all value your help.

However, I don't want you to continue visiting when I'm not here and doing housework. I want to do this myself. It'd be great if you could take Josh to the park/shops/museum.. (There may be lots of ''I'm only doing it to help''..stand your ground) THEN WAIT>>>>>If she does not back down...or makes lots of excuses...

go to the next bit- upping the ante: '' we both find this very intrusive- I think most people would find other people coming into their houses unannounced and poking around unacceptable. We know that you believe that you are only doing it to help us, but we don't want this. We'd like to have our key back.

DON'T get drawn into justifying/explaining or apologising: I know it's difficult; just don't!!!!


Don't give her another key, arrange for her to look after your son at her house!!

Get your home back!!!
Hed

hedley

misty wrote:

I know you say you don't like confrontation but why should she get away with making you so unhappy? You are an adult with children of your own - don't let her treat you as a child. If it makes you feel better - do you want your children to see you being criticised and ignored and the person doing it going unchallenged? I think you have to be strong and face up to her and stick with it.

Change the locks - when she asks why? tell her - I'm unhappy with you re arranging things when I'm not there - you've ignored my wishes and so this is how it stops. Rather than argue the rights and wrongs of it and getting the key back. It's yours and OH house - you don't need to justify it.
You've tried asking nicely and she's ignored you - so you need to be hard about it - she'll get over it - either that or you continue to be unhappy.

Yes! totally agree with this. Also it sends out a powerful message to your kids that she is able to run you down- and also telling them to hide things from you (sweets or whatever) is totally unacceptable!

missk_ensington

Does MIL not like you? Perhaps she is trying to belittle you and psychologically suggest you can't run the home as well as she can. My friend is a single parent, and baby goes to the 'in-laws' at weekend and they're always making 'is she or isn't she having a dig at me' comments about his clothes and what he eats (which by the way are perfectly healthy and he is well looked after).

Failing that, some mothers are just control freaks (was your husband an only child?) Maybe she's bored (is she a widow??) or maybe she's just a nasty cow who doesn't like you and wants to make your life a misery, in which case I'd change the locks and tell her to get stuffed before she loses he family for good!

rio

I was in a situation like this with my MIL. In the end I told her to go and stuff herself. I had the locks changed and now refuse to let her in the houses. If she wants to see her grandchildren we will meet her somewhere and let her take them out for the day. I have also told her that if she buys them anything that I think is unacceptable then it goes straight in the bin. Men can be a bit spineless about this sort of arguement between the two most important women in their lives, so this is why you need some backbone. She has never let go of her little boy and sees you as an interfering nonentity. I presume she is either widowed or has her other half securely under the thumb. My MIL laid a lawn in our back garden one day when I was at work as she didn't like the shingle we had put down, I have also had various tradesmen, workmen, sellers turn up because she has requested them - I just tell them she is a bit touched and they should ignore her if she contacts them again. It is very sad but every since I have kicked my MIL out of my life it has been so much easier and better. My MIL has seen four of her daughters in law off, and has loved it when her sons have come crawling home to mummy - but not this one!

missk_ensington

Rio- she laid a lawn!? :rotfl: What on earth did you say when you got home???? I'm starting to think my MIL is a God send!

When she sends tradesmen round who does she think is going to pay for it? You can't spend other people's money for them! You might not have been able to afford it for all she knew! ha ha ha, its still really funny though! :rotfl: