Controlling Mother in law

funky-footprints

change the locks and dont give her a key ..my mother in law is depserate for a key even tho they live 3 hours away .....im not giving the woman a key ... this is my home ..she is intefferring enough !!!

homersimpson_3

my friend has an elderly aunt who always tries to give her food when she visits. my friend says no and the aunt then puts it in a bag for her to take home. my friend who is over 40! handed it back and her aunt gave it back to her. my friend refused to take it with her and left in the aunt's house. same story but after a few weeks the aunt gave up. the point is when mother in law comes around with food say no thanks and hand it back to her. if she refuses next time you visit take it to her house- she'll soon give up. one problem at least solved. you need to be firm, polite and persistant.

homersimpson_3

DH gets annoyed about it only when I get annoyed but he's very laid back & would put up with it were it not for me.

at least he is supproting you.

He has said stuff in the past but she is convinced it is all coming from me.

Don't worry too much what mother in law thinks- you married the son not the mother.

DH mentioned that there was no need to do the ironing so she simply stopped doing mine & carried on with everyone elses!

she seems to listen to son- ask husband to say something like there's no need to do any ironing including his and grandchildren- mother in law can't say she misunderstood or hasn't been told- this is very specific. presuambly only you, husband and children live in house.

When DH hid the mountain of food once she asked about it after checking thru the cupboards, I told her that it was DH who had got rid of it because of his weight problem. She replied 'I know it wasn't him'.

just say that in your house no visitor including relatives is allowed to go into any cupboard without asking first and you regard this as a breach of privacy and you don't need any food because you have plenty. if she wants to help suggest she cooks a meal in her house - that way you can leave when you want- and she'll keep out of your cupboards. don't worry too much what she thinks of you- your husband's first loyalty is clearly to you and children- he wouldn't be supporting you otherwise.

scooper

i really feel for you on this
my advice first off you need to ask you husband to be on your side,this is making you really upset and its something that can be worked out if he helps
then regarding they key,cant you bust the lock,accidently on purpose and have to buy a bew one ,then she doesnt get a key,if you ever need to give her a key give her yours and then get it back off her when you are back,drastic but you need to be really.
the other thing i would say is that she sounds really lonely and she has nothing else in her life apart from your familiy,she sounds like she has always been controlling so doubt that will ever change but she needs to respect your privacy,could you or partner really sit her down and ask her if she wouldnt mind stopping whatever is the worst things you can think off that does your head in?
your daughter could maybe say to her ''no thankyou nanny nobody wears their hair like that anymore''!!!
hope this is some help
good luck

bigmuffins

sorry to hear about your problems - about the key, I would do as suggested :

regarding they key,cant you bust the lock,accidently on purpose and have to buy a bew one ,then she doesnt get a key,if you ever need to give her a key give her yours and then get it back off her when you are back,drastic but you need to be really.

BUT don't EVER give her the key for any period - doesn't take long to get another one cut (oh I got another one cut to save you the bother ...) and then you are back to square one!

Don't invite her round and if she invites herself, you can always be about to pop out somewhere - the whole family that is! Otherwise she will come round regardless! Just make sure that hubby is the one to say these things - she will still think are coming from you, but hey!

All the best - hope you manage to sort it soon!

hjb123

Have you a burglar alarm? If not get one and dont tell her the code. If you have got one already change the number and dont tell her - you will soon see (or hear) when she next goes into your house without you knowing!

scooper

hjb123 wrote:

Have you a burglar alarm? If not get one and dont tell her the code. If you have got one already change the number and dont tell her - you will soon see (or hear) when she next goes into your house without you knowing!

ha ha i like that one,imagine it,that could cause some anger though eh?!!funny though

jpvic

Get your husband to take her out for the day,go round to her house and..

-go through her cupboards, rearrange one
-go through her clothes drawers, rearrange one
-change her bedding for a nice purple nylon set
-lay out inappropriate clothing and nightwear on freshly made bed
-get her ironing board and iron out[leave out], wash and iron her origanal bedding, place on board
-hang an airfreshener in her airing cupboard
-go to the health food shop, buy items for her fridge she wont like
-buy packets of Werthers Originals and hide them in her bedroom
-buy her an aquarium,but no pumps or filters, place one goldfish in a bowl,in it
-a blue-rinse voucher from daughter, place on mantel
-fit a burglar alarm, dont tell her the code

Seriously, get husband to lay down the law to her before you blow your top!

ooobedoo

I would just like to thank you for posting this, I am now slightly thankful that I haven't got the worse mother in law now, although it feels it. Even the queen wouldn't of been good enough for my DH!!!

melancholly

i was going to suggest the burglar alarm thing too!!
if it's easier (and less confrontational) to tell her you need to give the spare key to someone else when you next see, then she won't have time to make a copy and you can conveniently forgot to give a copy back to her.

sounds like you've already had a lot more patience with her than i would in your situation!