Too young to have my baby?

Stephb1986_2

Hi Caiti2, the question isn't really are you too young the question is do you want a baby, a child a teenager a adult? because this is what will happen but are you ready for that? Alot of my friends that I went to school with have atleast 1 child if not two I am the only one without a child through my own choice.

A very good friend of mine has 2 kids I am god mother to one of them she is with a lad slightly younger than her they have a council house together (after living at her mums for 2 years with her first child and her having to get pregnant for a second time to get a council house) He leaves her every other week he is too busy buying canabis to smoke instead of spending his money on feeding them and clothing them all, she's on JSA and uses the money to feed her two kids and is lucky if she has 1 meal a day because she would rather feed her kids than herself. Her boyfriend is very childish and selfish and even at the age of 22 he can't cope with having a child (the first one isn't his) This has caused a massive strain on their relationship.

When I was 17 I got with a guy a bit older than me and thought it was forever we got engaged within 2 months and nearly bought a house together until I found him sleeping with my best mate. I thought my world was over. What I'm trying to say is at the age of 17 relationships are hard enough without having another life to consider, I don't think now at the age of nearly 24 I could cope with a baby I have a niece and it's fantastic when I can give her back she's 5!

I'm not saying you should abort your baby but I'm just saying you should really think long and hard before you make the decision.

Good luck

Steph xx

Penny_Watcher

Hi Cait,

I hope you've had some sleep.

Age shouldn't be an issue as a complication. I was 18 (almost 19) when my eldest daughter was born in similar circumstances to yours. My "John" didn't hang around, but that's his loss not ours. I'm 46 now, so a bit like you but in 30 years :eek: . At 18 I was fit as a flea and full of energy, physically able to cope with pregnancy and a baby/toddler much better than I was when my next children were born in my early 30s.

You'll find you might live your life backwards so to speak. Your child would be arriving earlier than expected in your life plan, but things can be shuffled about. You can still live a lovely life, but in a different order. You can still have an education with support, only later than planned, still travel (I travelled the World with my little girl in tow,) still have fun - but not for a while yet. You might find as I did that your really struggle for money, housing, support etc to start with, but if you're strong you'll cope.

So if you've thought things through properly - and I mean PROPERLY - (babies are very cute and all, but a stroppy, snotty 2 year old is not nice to be around, and a cheeky 8 year old is horrible, and I as for teenagers - I won't even go there !) and you realise decisions you make now will last for the rest of your life then be strong and make the decision you want to make. You can take other people's advice, but in the end the decision is yours and yours alone. Don't be blackmailed/pressured into doing what other people want you to do. My Dad was horrified when I told him I was pregnant, absolutely horrified. But he was the one crying tears of joy when he first held my baby. It's your body and your right to choose. Whatever you choose life won't be the same again.

The only person in this world you'll be able to rely on is you. I hope your parents will help you out, but looking after your baby / toddler / child isn't their responsibility, it's yours and Dear God it's hard!!

So - I had a baby at 18 which put the mockers on my education for a while, but later on I had the opportunity to do an Open University degree from home (which I stuffed up royally by taking on a full-time job and not having enough time to do it - my bad time management, but it was possible). I earned well and lived well. Then I met my husband to be when I was in my late 20s, [STRIKE]married at 30 and had 2 more children[/STRIKE]. Hang on, that should say had a baby at 30, married at 31 and had another baby after that. :DWe live well now. I'm a stay at home Mum which I love. All in all life is very, very good. I'm having the freedom and disposable income to enjoy myself now instead of in my late teens and early 20s. Like I said - living life backwards.

And my 'baby' is 27 now. I'm so proud of her. She worked very hard at school (despite being quite poorly as a teenager), got over a life threatening condition, aced her exams, aced a Masters Degree at Uni, has a high flying job in merchant banking and is now engaged to be married to a wonderful man next year.

So (with an AWFUL LOT OF HARD WORK FROM YOU) happy ever after is possible.

I wish you all the luck in the world Cait.

PWx

chloe99_2

Dear Cait

Whatever scare stories you have heard, absolutely nothing can go wrong wth pregnancy, birth or baby "because of your age". Your body is able to conceive and is thereofre perfectly able to carry and deliver a baby.

Things can "go wrong" in any pregnancy, but it wont be because you are "too young".

If you are thinking of keeping the baby, then in many areas they have a special midwife who looks after young mothers, she will be very experienced and will understand the kind of things that might be bothering you. They also often have young Mum clubs for after you have the baby where you are not allowed to go if you are over say 20 years of age!!!

Can I say to you please, when you make this decision, do not take any notice of how long or short a time other people's partners stuck around for for. Try to imagine that you and your partner split - then imagine, do I want the baby or don't I? Think about it as if it were just you and your parents, then if you keep the baby you will know that whatever happens with your partner, you will be able to cope with baby on your own.

xx

westiea

Hi again Cait

Well decision made so now you need to move forward - positively:j

Have a look at the benefits you are entitled to.

Also thought I would i would list some useful sites for you to check out -

http://www.askamum.co.uk/Mum/
http://www.youngmums.org.uk/ym-benefits.htm
http://www.mumsnet.com/
http://community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a230455/young_mums_and_young_mums_to_be



and if you feel like a laugh --http://www.freddyfruitcake.co.uk/ :rotfl:

Wishing you and baby all the luck and love in the world. Remember always friends here if you need.

RAS

Cait2 wrote: »

Thank you for the support once again everybody:o

iwanttosave...... were you scared? And anybody else..... because I can't sleep tonight, I still want to keep Baby that's final, but I'm now scared and having nightmares something goes wrong cos of my age:(

In terms for the pregancy, your age is not an issue.

A baby makes a major draw on your body. That is irrespective of age. But your body is still growing, unlike that of older women (over 19) so it is vitally important that yuo get good nutritional advice so that you can feed yourself and the baby.

That may also impact on your bones, which may affect whether you can deliver vaginally or need a caesarian.

What I would recommend is that you talk to your midwife and or GP about what contraception to use after pregnancy. Your young body does not need two early pregnancies.

Re the pill, did anyone explain that it can fail if you take antibiotics, have the sh$ts or vomit?

gabyjane

Hi i spotted this last night but didn't have time to reply, i have sat looking at it for a while debating whether to reply as very hard for me but i feel you should hear all scenarios good and bad. Before i tell you mine i think only you can make the decision as to what is best.

I had my first dd when i was 17, i was supposed to be 18 but she was premature and born at 27 weeks. My dad kicked me out when he found out about the pregnancy and i lost all my family due to it..i only had my then bf and friends and i moved out and coped..i had a lot going on with my bf but, and i'll openly admit i couldn't cope. She was very very hard work and i spent 90% of mine and dd's time in hospital with her, i looked after her until she was 2. I had my second dd full term when i was 19 and she is with me as her dad walked out and i had some support for the first time.
The eldest doesn't live with me now although i do see her (she is with family still)..like i said long and complicated BUT the point of that is i needed help and support..if you have good support then i think it makes all the difference. some will not agree with that but it is everyones personal circumstances at the time.

Roll on 13 years which is how old my eldest is and my youngest 11.. i wouldn't worry about the age thing as such, i like someone else said was fine through both pregnancys until the first ones problems but both ok. It is hard as now (im 31 now)i think i would cope so much better yet can't imagine the whole nappy, sleepless nights again!!

Sorry rambling but good luck..let us all know what you decide on and i'm glad to hear your bf is standing by you...x

Person_one

Mellowyellow wrote: »

Cait, honestly your age is nothing to do with it

Sorry, but yes it is.

Her age might not stop her being a loving parent, but it means that she is not living independently yet and will have to either grow up very very rapidly or will be relying on others to support her and her baby.

It also means that life will be quite hard for a number of years because she isn't old enough to have established a career or even had any work experience and some savings in the bank. It will be hard/impossible to work while she is pregnant and has a small child and when she does have time to go back to work when the child is older her earning power/employability will be low. It is hard to study or train when you're a single parent and even harder to get anyone to take you on when you're in your early twenties with no work history.

Money isn't everything, but it makes life easier, and having this baby now will mean she'll struggle to have any financial security for a long time.

It seems that the OP has made her decision now, and I hope she'll be very happy and has a healthy baby. But it won't be easy.

jcr16

Hugs to you hun , because whatever you choose it will be hard. However .

Yes 16 is very young i personally coulnd't of had a child then. but some have them at 40 and still can cope. But if you want to make it work then you can. If you want your child but also want a job and a career you can. a baby won't stop you it wil just make it tougher but the rewards will mean so much for you. Don't see a baby as a reason not to achieve your goals. see it as a wonderful gift which will help you along. it will give you something more to work to.

I had my first child at 22. ( we lost our first baby) however yes life can be hard sometimes. but nothing in the world gives you anything more meaningful to life than a child.

You can do it hun. don't feel pressured in to having the child aborted or into having it. do what feels right. and remember everything happens for a reason.

pinknfluffy0

I was in your situation, I had just turned 16 and found out I was pregnant. I had a bf who I had been with 2 years, he said he wanted to marry me and would support me.

My parents were not pleased and pushed for an abortion which in the end is what I did. I am not going to pretent it was an easy thing to do but looking back it was the best desionion of my life.

I am now in my late 20s happily married (not to the bf) and have 2 children. I am so glad I didnt have a baby at 16 not only would it have been so hard but looking back I know I would not have been as good a mother at 16 as I am now.

Dont just think about you but about this potential child, what sort of life can you really offer it?

samandona

chloe99 wrote: »

Dear Cait

Whatever scare stories you have heard, absolutely nothing can go wrong wth pregnancy, birth or baby "because of your age". Your body is able to conceive and is thereofre perfectly able to carry and deliver a baby.

I dont think thats really true. 10 year olds begin menstruating. Infact, babies menstruate. Im fairly their bodies (the the fetus) would be unable to cope with a pregnancy.